The Meditation Practice I Laughed at Until it Changed My Life

I left the 26-day meditation retreat wondering if I’d achieved nirvana. Just three days later, and it feels like my world is collapsing. It’s 2002, and I’m staying in Hua Hin Thailand. I decided to celebrate my retreat success with a beer. Just the one and only a half pint. I wanted it to be a ceremonial farewell to the drug that had almost destroyed my life. But now it is three days later, and I can’t stop.

In desperation I go to the nearest temple. I find a monk who is willing to talk to me. His name is Phra Sombat, and he agrees to spend time with me if I come in the afternoons. He teaches me a hand moving meditation called mahasati. I’m not convinced this is a good use of my time. Is this meditation or some weird dance? Did he say mahasati or macarena? I want meditation that will get me back to deep states of peace and tranquility. Waving my hands about just isn’t cutting it.

Phra Sombat explains that it is common for people to experience a comedown following a retreat. He explained that the deep tranquility of retreat isn’t something you can walk around in. That’s why he taught me mahasati—a way to bring mindfulness into daily life.

I only ever did the mahasati meditation with Phra Sombat reluctantly. He put up with my arrogant attitude for a few weeks until I stopped turning up. I knew better – only I didn’t.

Eventually I got tired of yo-yoing between intensive meditation highs to mental struggle in daily life.  I returned to his funny hand movements, and peace started to become part of my everyday experience. Ironically, I now teach mahasati to clients who are often just as reluctant as I was. I see this as my penance.

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