The Four Components of Emotional Intelligence
You may have heard leadership gurus say something along the lines of, “EQ is more important than IQ.” But what exactly is EQ, and how do you increase it?
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is a leadership skill that focuses on one’s personal and social competencies. In their book Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves outline four components of emotional intelligence:
Self-Awareness – “To know yourself as you really are” (p. 61).Self-Management – “Your ability to use awareness of your emotions to actively choose what you say and do” (p. 97).Social Awareness – “Your ability to recognize and understand the emotions of others” (p. 136).Relationship Management – “(To have) a relationship that has staying power and grows over time, and in which your needs and the other person’s needs are satisfied” (p. 177).Let’s take a closer look at each one.
1. Self-AwarenessSelf-awareness is one of the leadership principles I discuss in my book A Leader Worth Imitating (Principle 20).
When we look at the leadership of Jesus, we see He taught His disciples to be self-aware. Matthew 7:3–5 paints a vivid picture:
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? … First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (NIV).
Talk about blind spots! And yet, this passage reminds us the focus isn’t on pointing out others’ flaws but becoming aware of our own.
The tricky thing about blind spots is we can’t see them on our own. That’s why feedback is an essential part of self-awareness. You might think you empower your team, but they might feel micro-managed. Inviting honest feedback reveals what you can’t see and strengthens your leadership.
Think about it: Do you want to grow in self-awareness? Who is someone you can ask for feedback?
2. Self-ManagementIt’s one thing to understand your emotions; it’s another thing to control them. That’s where self-management comes in.
Self-awareness tells you what stresses you out; self-management helps you handle that stress. The two go hand in hand. To be an emotionally intelligent leader, you need to learn not only to notice your emotions but also to respond to them in a way that benefits your team.
Think about it: How can you better manage your emotions?
3. Social AwarenessWhile the first two components focus on yourself, the last two focus on others.
Social awareness is the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of others, especially your team. To do this, you need to spend time with them. In A Leader Worth Imitating (Principle 2), I explain that one of the greatest gifts you can give someone is your presence. Presence allows you to notice both calm and stress in your team members.
An emotionally intelligent leader doesn’t just manage their own emotions, they are also attentive to the emotions of those around them.
Think about it: Do you know what calms your team members down? Do you know what stresses them out?
4. Relationship ManagementFinally, relationship management is about building healthy, lasting relationships where both parties’ needs are met.
Bradberry and Greaves note that feedback is one of the key strategies for growing in relationship management. Feedback isn’t just about leaders receiving it, it’s also about leaders giving it.
In A Leader Worth Imitating (Principle 19), I describe feedback as empowering your team to ask questions, make suggestions, raise concerns, and challenge ideas. Healthy relationships require mutual feedback. For example, you might think you remain calm under stress, but your team might see otherwise. Likewise, you may need to point out blind spots in a team member.
Think about it: How often does your team give you feedback? How often do you give it back?
Final ThoughtsEmotional intelligence is not a “soft skill” to add to your leadership, it’s central to it. By growing in self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management, you not only strengthen your leadership but also build trust, presence, and lasting influence with your team.
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