When an Edit Changes Everything: the Debacle of For Duty’s Sake and Reader Outrage

Back in 2011, I published For Duty’s Sake with Harlequin Presents. To this day, it’s the book that created more reader uproar than any other I’ve written. I thought I understood why, but it turns out the truth was hidden in plain sight for more than a decade.

Readers were livid that Zahir seemed too soft toward his ex, Elsa (the other woman), in one of the final scenes. They felt he showed her affection that undercut his relationship with Angele (his love interest). At the time, I chalked it up to readers bringing their own experiences to a story and interpreting it through their own lens, which is something I’ve always respected.

Fast forward to recently, when I reread the book for the first time since publication. Suddenly, I saw what readers had seen all along. Except…it wasn’t what I wrote.

A copyeditor had changed the dialogue in the scene. In my original version, Zahir and Angele share a lighthearted, couple-centered exchange that shows their growth and unity. The published version, however, shifted Zahir’s words toward Elsa, making it sound like he was still showing her tenderness. That one change completely altered the tone of the ending and left many readers upset.

In the original document I sent to Harlequin after doing the revisions and final edits before copyedits, this is what my story said:

“Oh, stop harping.” Angele frowned at him. “I had better reason to keep it to myself at first than he did.”
“I did not say anything, Aziz.”
Elsa gasped and then glared at them both. “So, that’s it. You’ve tricked me into naming my brother and providing you with evidence against him.”

Zahir is clearly talking to Angele and they’re sharing a jokey moment referring to the fact that unlike her father, she had paid the blackmailer and *not* gone to Zahir at first.

This is what the copyeditor changed it to:

Zahir returned his gaze to Angele. “Yes. Cemal came to me immediately with the demand.”
“Oh, stop harping.” Elsa frowned at him. “You make Hans sound like a criminal when he was just trying his luck.”
“I did not say it was Hans, Aziz.”
Elsa gasped and then glared at them both. “So, that’s it. You’ve tricked me into naming my brother and providing you with evidence against him.”

By applying that endearment (beloved or darling in English) to the ex instead of Angele, that copyeditor changed the entire tone of the scene. In the original, the moment showed the matured and closer relationship between Angele & Zahir where she was more confident and they shared an “in” joke. The copyedit changed it to something that made it seem like Zahir still had soft feelings toward his ex-mistress.

Confused by how this could happen? So am I. But here’s a quick run down on the editing process with traditional publishing (which is similar to one I follow today with my indie published novels - I guess you go with what you know 😉).

Understanding the Editing Process

The first editor who will read your manuscript is the substantive editor and it’s their job to offer suggestions for improvement in the substance of the story in what is usually referred to as a revision letter (even if it’s just an email). Depending on the author’s relationship with the publisher, she may, or may not have the freedom to turn down the revisions she doesn’t agree with while making others, or changing the manuscript in a different way but with the same outcome for the solidness of the story.

During my 20 years in traditional publishing, some editors collaborated with me and respected my sense of story, others did not. Happily, until the final couple of years in trad publishing, most of my editorial relationships were positive. (With one exception, but she had an issue with sex and I write steamy, so that was always going to be a problem.)

Three editors especially will always live in my mind as the golden standard as they always knew how to pull the best out of the my stories: Kim Young (now a publisher for Harper Collins), Tessa Shapcott (former Editorial Director for HM&B) & Kate Duffy (former Senior Editor for Kensington Books and who sadly is no longer with us).

Substantive (or developmental) editor: This is the person who works with the author on the big-picture elements of the story—plot, pacing, character arcs, themes. They don’t touch commas and spelling; they help shape the story itself.

After the revision process is complete (and it can take more than one pass at rewrites), the manuscript goes to copyedits.

Copyeditor: This is the person who focuses on grammar, punctuation, style, and consistency. Their job is to polish the text at a sentence level. They are not supposed to change characterization, dialogue, or story tone. A copyeditor should never change the substance of a scene, whether action, dialogue, internal narrative or who is talking to whom.

Once the manuscript is copyedited it is formatted for publication and the finalized draft/AAs is sent one last time to the author for going over. This is also when proofreaders are brought into the process. (Honestly, I’m not sure my trad editors were using proof readers by the time I went indie. It seemed like they were trusting the copyeditor to catch everything.)

Proofreader: This role comes in after typesetting, when the book is formatted into pages. Proofreaders look for typos, missing words, or layout errors. They don’t revise sentences; they catch mistakes that slipped through.

AAs (Author Alterations): These are the final formatted pages an author receives before a book goes to press. They look like the book will look in print. The author’s job is to check for typos and last-minute fixes, not to make big changes.

In my trad publishing days, I paid a freelance editor to review my AAs for typos and errors. By that point in the process, my brain only “saw” what I thought I had written, so a fresh pair of eyes was needed. For some books, we were so tight for turn around time, the copyedited manuscript went straight to AAs before I saw it again.

Since the substantive editor had requested almost no revisions, it didn’t occur to me the copyeditor would take it upon herself to make them at her level. So, I sent my AAs as normal to my freelance editor for a proofread, never dreaming anything had been changed substantively.

It was a system that worked—until this book.

Out of dozens of titles, this is the only one where a copyeditor changed a scene in a way that altered characterization and harmed the story so spectacularly.

Words Matter

Which only goes to show that a single word in a line of dialogue can change how readers view an entire relationship. In For Duty’s Sake, what should have been a moment of intimacy between the two main characters became a source of doubt about the hero’s loyalty. No wonder readers were distressed.

This is one of the many reasons I’m so happy as an indie published author. My team is hand-picked, and I have final say on every word. Mistakes can still happen—publishing is a human process—but no one makes changes to my manuscript without my approval.

While I’m tremendously grateful for the insight and coaching I received from some great editors while publishing with Harlequin, Kensington, Berkley, Grand Central & Samhain, I cannot imagine going back to a format of publishing where something like this could happen.

Until next time happy writing & reading!

Lucy

USA Today bestselling and award-winning author Lucy Monroe has over 90 published novels and more than 12.5 million copies sold worldwide. Her stories—rich with emotion, heat, and high stakes—span contemporary, historical, and paranormal romance.

Now publishing independently, Lucy writes the bold, deeply romantic stories she’s most passionate about. Her latest series, Syndicate Rules, explores the dark and decadent world of mafia romance with morally gray heroes, fierce heroines, and all the spice fans crave.

A voracious reader and longtime romance fangirl, Lucy loves connecting with fellow book lovers online.

For info on all of Lucy’s books, visit her website.

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