The Robots think I’m bigger than the Beatles

Lately, I’ve noticed an uptick in “fan mail.” Despite my FAQ clearly stating “Do not email me to try to sell me something. I will mark you as spam and not respond,” I receive about 4 of these emails a day.

These emails are riddled with biographical and bibliographical errors based on out of date information scraped from the internet. I can tell when someone hasn’t actually read my work and just relied on my summary before they reach out to contact me. They commonly reference my first book, Tea & Sprockets, or one of the 95 anthologies where I am listed as a contributor and would not be the appropriate person to contact about those titles anyways.

These emails are not sincere messages about enjoying my poetry. They appear to have been written by artificial intelligence. They are filled with word salad replete with emojis and back handed compliments, trying to get me to buy some kind of book promotion service, provide free copies of my books to a book club in exchange for “exposure,” or sell me on some kind of gimmick for online book reviews. They often leap to conclusions about my content based on my titles.

For example, I recently received an email from a “Cristina William” with the subject line “300+ performances, 13 poetry books, but only this many reviews?” Firstly, I have performed nearly 500 times since 2015, and I have 18 poetry collections. My time has been largely consumed with writing new material and performing it in the real world as opposed to being overly concerned with what people are saying online about me.

I do find the quip about 300+ live readings being more than most rock bands quite laughable. I highly doubt that I go harder than my favorite musicians who tour for months on end night after night!

A few days later I received a similar email by a “Novera Elwyn,” who for someone with supposedly 2000+ readers at their beck and call, has an absolutely dismal lack of a search engine presence. This email also claims that I have “more performances under my belt than most rock bands.” This is statistically untrue. The Beatles gave 1,400 stage performances in four years. I hope to hit 500 in 2026 which would be my 11th year of performances, and my count includes radio broadcasts. This is likely the same scammer under a different name because the odds of two people emailing me with similar commentary is wild.

Why don’t I have more reviews? The answer is simple. The thousands of folks who have copies of my books and ebooks haven’t taken the time to write a review.

The above email also hilariously compares my latest book to a child picked last in gym class as a way of attempting to insult me. I have 59 reviews on Goodreads across numerous books. There are 52 reviews and rankings on my Amazon books, not including anthologies I am in or edited. This adds up to 111 reviews which is no small number.

My ebooks are available through many other platforms, but since these inquiries seem super concerned about my Amazon review ratio versus my sales, for full transparency here are my Amazon sales from the past 16 years: 4672. This number includes KDP Select freebies before I chose wider ebook distribution in 2020. I’ve only had 121 downloads on other ebook platforms.

4672 books and ebooks including free KDP Select downloads prior to having wider distribution

In my decade of performance experience, I have been more likely to sell a paperback book or swap with other authors at my in person appearances or through local bookstores instead of online, so a person is unlikely to visit Goodreads or a competing online retailer just to throw a rating my way when they got it directly from me or a local business. Popularity doesn’t always translate to sales, and sales don’t always translate to reviews.

I assume my books are sitting in thousands of TBR piles around the world. I don’t take it personally. I don’t have the bandwidth to play along with common marketing schemes to fool potential readers into parting with their hard earned cash in the middle of an economic recession.

If a person wants to review my work, good or bad, there is nothing stopping them from doing so. Just buy a book and leave a review if you feel so moved. Most of my reviews are organic and received over a long span of time. I don’t swap reviews with other authors in order to artificially inflate my numbers nor bribe readers to review my work. My earlier titles have more reviews because I was giving away ebooks, but even those review numbers are no where close to the number of actual downloads.

In the past I purchased professional editorial reviews from Kirkus and Realistic Poetry whose feedback I appreciated, but I no longer have the budget for this. The amount of sales due to these reviews did not justify the initial investment. Given that I have carpal tunnel syndrome, I am not spending countless hours on author networking groups trying to do review swaps or artificially inflate my social media follower numbers with folks who likely won’t interact with me anyways.

Reviews and online followers are not the only metric of an author’s popularity or perhaps, lack thereof. I have had the honor of performing my poetry for organizations that I respect with countless poets that I admire. I’m not lying awake at night worried about a lack of book reviews. Over the past ten years I’ve received innumerable compliments, hugs, awards, news coverage, repeat invites, government proclamations, and opportunities. All of that speaks much louder than a star rating on a website.

You aren’t entitled to free copies of my paperback books when there’s plenty of videos and recordings of my performances, and online publications that you can access for free if you need a writing sample to determine whether or not it is worth your hard earned money to own copies of my larger collections.

If a fellow author or reader wants to review me, they’re more than welcome to do so of their own volition, and if a fellow poet wants a back of the book blurb, they know how to contact me for an inquiry.

Other posts that address these scams:

When AI Becomes a Weapon: The Rise of Sophisticated Book Marketing Scams by Tod NewmanWriter Beware: Return of the Nigerian Prince: A New Twist on Book Marketing Scams by Victoria StraussIf you receive a flattering email about your book, it may be written by an AI by Jonathan EmmettMy Life as an AI Hallucination by Anne R. Allen

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