What is Micro-Cheating?

If you’re asking, what is micro-cheating, then you probably feel there’s a problem of some sort in your relationship.

Micro-cheating is often viewed differently, depending on if you’re the one doing the cheating or the one being cheated on.

Today, I thought we’d go through micro-cheating together so I can help you decide if this is something you want to tolerate in your relationship.

First Things First – What is Micro-Cheating?

Micro-cheating is when someone breaches your trust, even if just a little bit. One example is a person who’s married but goes out with friends and leaves their wedding band at home.

Another example is what they would describe as harmless flirting, while you call it too much flirting.

A third example is a partner who is constantly texting his ex while claiming that he only has eyes for you.

Another type of micro-cheating is when you and your partner are out together, but your partner acts as if you aren’t in a committed relationship. He might treat you more like a best buddy than a girlfriend or even a wife.

And one more example is looking and even connecting with someone online while you’re in a relationship with another person.

These actions of your partner make you question your his dedication to your relationship and burn the bridge of trust that you’ve built together.

If It’s Harmless, What’s the Big Deal?

The person doing the micro-cheating might feel like it’s not a big deal, but their partner may feel otherwise.

It’s sort of a gray area – is it really cheating? Is it just harmless banter or conversation?

The real question is what is the trust level of your relationship before you suspected the micro-cheating? If you have a great deal of trust in your partner and you recognize this as harmless because you don’t think he would fully cheat on you, you may not view it as a big deal.

The fact that you’re here tells me that either this is more than micro-cheating, or you don’t have that high level of trust.

Signs of Micro-Cheating

If you aren’t sure whether your partner is micro-cheating, try looking for these signs:

Your partner is hiding the signs of what he’s doing, like closing the laptop when you walk by or shoving his phone into a couch cushion so you can’t see itHe’s prioritizing someone other than youHe gets very defensive when you ask him about someone in particularThere is some new behavior that is not explained in any other way, like suddenly deciding to work lateYour partner is having a lot of lunches out and has even been spotted with an attractive co-worker, but he hasn’t shared this info with you

These aren’t always signs of micro-cheating, but they are things to keep an eye on. If they go on over a few weeks, it’s time to sound the alarm.

The Male vs Female Perspective on Micro-Cheating

It’s believed that women experience the downside of micro-cheating more frequently than men do, and that they’re affected emotionally.

This makes it sound like men are more likely to be the ones doing the micro-cheating, but all it really means is that women have a more emotional reaction to it.

Either sex can do the micro-cheating.

How to Deal with Micro-Cheating

So, you decide your guy is micro-cheating. How do you handle it?

First, you both need to get on the same page about how you’re defining micro-cheating. As I said above, you might consider some behaviors to be micro-cheating while he finds them to be innocent.

I have a neighbor whose ex-wife lives about one-hundred yards from him. He says they are best friends, even though both remarried someone else last year. Apparently, the four of them are all best buddies.

Some women would consider his friendship with his ex-wife to be micro-cheating, and vice versa for the ex-wife, but it seems that their spouses are okay with it.

Rather than go bananas on your guy, it’s best to initiate a conversation about what you each consider to be cheating. I’d put good odds on the fact that he sees what he’s doing as harmless.

What he fails to realize is that you are harmed, based on how you’re feeling.

Micro-Cheating vs. Cheating

Is there a difference between micro-cheating and full-on cheating?

Yes. There is.

With micro-cheating, there often is no physical or sexual infidelity. However, if you’re battling micro-cheating, you know that this doesn’t do a whole lot to make you feel better. Micro-cheating is more prevalent than many people think.

Full-on cheating often involves physical or sexual infidelity. Often, when women cheat, it’s for the emotional connection they’re missing in their current relationship.

Men, on the other hand, often cheat for the sexual excitement of the relationship.

Of course, generalizing never gets you the full truth, which is that men can cheat for emotional reasons and women can cheat for the sexual excitement.

When someone is micro-cheating, there is not usually an emotional level of connection. It’s playful and flirtatious, but no emotional bond has been created.

Why do People Engage in Micro-Cheating?

It’s believed that the reasons for cheating and micro-cheating are somewhat similar. People engage in micro-cheating because something is missing in their current relationship.

For some, it’s the novelty of a new relationship – that excitement you get in the honeymoon phase – that drives them.

For others, they’re seeking emotional support or validation that they aren’t getting in their current relationship.

No matter the reason, cheating and micro-cheating have the same fallout, which is an erosion of the trust that may have been there previously.

The biggest problem is that micro-cheating sits on a slippery slope that can easily lead to full-on cheating.

Can You Overcome Micro-Cheating in Your Relationship?

If you are willing to make a deep commitment in your relationship, you can overcome micro-cheating. Of course, this means both of you, not just one of you.

If you both want to remain committed to the relationship, there are some things you need to do.

Set Boundaries

Set boundaries on what you will tolerate from one another as far as interactions with others is concerned.

If your guy has been friends with his ex for several years since they broke up, it might be unreasonable to ask him to stop speaking to her now. If you’re sure their friendship is not sexual, it’s okay.

But it may also mean that you both avoid people who could lead you into an emotional cheating situation, so if the ex poses a threat, she may need to go.

Share Expectations

What are you looking for from this relationship? This is a conversation you should have had already, but you’d be surprised at the number of couples who are afraid to talk about this.

One partner is always afraid that they want more than the other and will chase off the other partner by expressing their desires.

But let me ask you this…why get so heavily involved with someone who doesn’t want what you do?

And no, you aren’t likely to change his mind.

Can he change his mind? Of course he can, and maybe he will, but you both need to know, up front, where you stand.

Monitor Your Behavior

Once you’ve both set your boundaries and shared your expectations, it’s time to monitor what’s happening in the relationship.

You each need to be your own monitor, recognizing when you’re edging closer to micro-cheating so you can stop the behavior before it starts.

You are now the protector of the bond you share with your partner, and so is he.

Wrapping Up: What is Micro-Cheating?

Cheating is cheating, whether it’s a little bit or a full-on sexual relationship. It erodes trust and forces you into a place of emotional distress.

If you and your partner want your relationship to survive, you must address micro-cheating before it gets too far out of hand.

And if your partner still sees what he’s doing as no big deal, it may be time to end your relationship. You’re more committed to it than he is.

Having the discussion about the commitment you want to make to one another and your expectations will help clear up any questions. He might not be a long-term commitment type of guy, while you’re looking for forever.

You must know this so you’re not wasting your time in a relationship that’s ultimately headed for heartbreak.

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