Making a new movie
Ten years ago, I made a movie. This fills me with enormous pride as I’ve always loved movies, went to film school, did film studies etc. It was a dream that came true, basically.
The film is called ”My Silent Lips” and it tells the tragic story of an abused woman who, when pushed, compensates her sadness by acts of extreme violence. Not a happy story, but one of some retributional justice and thereby moral value.
I had scraped together money to buy the tech (cameras, sound equipment, a new computer) and set some aside for the actors, travel expenses, etc. We barely stuck to the budget, but in hindsight it’s remarkable what a little manic momentum can achieve.
After I had written the script, I started contacting the people I wanted involved. Lots of planning and logistics, lots of anxiety in approaching unknown terrains, all while the money was fizzling away.
I found the leading lady via a film workers’ site in Sweden. No good flick without a good chick. As she was in Stockholm, too, I met with her and explained that it would not be a pretty film in any way but that I felt she would be perfect for the role. I was very happy when she agreed and we had settled the financial details.
The rest of the people I had within reach, either through already existing friendships or extended networks. On the whole it was quite a smooth affair.
In the summer of 2015, we shot the movie in Sweden and Macedonia, with different crews. I was in paradise, albeit a stressed one. No producer, no shooting manager, no script girl/boy, just a buzzing brain and a friendly race with time and funds.
All of the involved plus some lovely extra helpers (gofers, cooks, drivers) pushed themselves to the limits to make it all work. And it did. For me, it was like being in a kind of unreal reality; being inside the film, yet on the outskirts, the unseen suburbs.
Making a reality – or at least a fictional one – out of horrendous violence was bizarre and taught me how hard it is to convey trauma in a believable way. Not that I was striving for super-realism in any way. The film’s mood or ”vibe” is considerably more nightmarish in a ”magical realism” kind of way. Meaning, there’s a very thin veil between harsh reality and compensation based in fantasy. That veil is actually even literally in the film’s dream sequences – something I realized post facto.
Many psychoanalytic perspectives are possible here. Why does one want to make a film of someone abused who goes psychotic in self-defense revenge sprees? What’s the story, and why? Or is it just an alignment to and with film history? I like a certain type of film and want to prove to myself and the world that I can make a similar one? Or is it that I like to make movies, period, and could equally well have made a rom-com or animated children’s story?
Here I think it’s best to not ask too many questions. The reason is simple: the pure joy lies in the creation of whatever it is or becomes in composite – not in the rational analysis of it.
This was a sweet and familiar realization when I recently re-watched the film. And wow… did that whet my appetite! Time to make a new movie. I already know what it’s going to be about and how to make it. It will be shot in Sweden next summer, and edited in the autumn. High time, ten years later!
Now I have a plan, and now you know about it. If you feel you want to be onboard, let me know. Time flies by quickly and planning is ”key.” Whether you are an actor, actress, tech person, sound/camera person, or have some money you want to support the fine cinema arts with, do let me know. I think the total budget for ”My Silent Lips” ended up at $15.000, but I’d like to go a little higher next time, mainly to pay people more for their efforts. It’s going to be a very strange and peculiar film, so it’s good if you’re not some kind of snowflake.
If you would like to watch ”My Silent Lips” it’s available on the An Art Apart Substack ( https://anartapart.substack.com , FILMS section), together with all my other films. I hope you’ll enjoy them as much as I do.
Carl A, Vimmerby, September 2025
P.S. I would of course like to thank everyone involved in the making of ”My Silent Lips”, mainly Linn Sparrenborg, Robin Hayes, Robert Bolin, Thomas Gjutarenäfve, Katarzyna Jaskiewicz, Johan Hamrin, Stojan Nikolic, Vera Nikolic, Tea Shaldeva, Roy Sutherwood, Fredrik Åkerberg, Jane Altiparmakov, Agnieszka Lewalski, Andrew M McKenzie, Mikael Oretoft, and William Tottie. THANK YOU!
https://anartapart.substack.com/p/movie-magic-is-real
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