Put it in the basement
Our basement is packed full of the things that we don’t want to deal with.
There’s a lot of useful stuff there too. Its where most of our outdoor sports gear lives, and our tools, and a pantry full of food; but there’s also a cat-carrier there (we have no cat) and boxes of 35mm slides – not the ones that are half decent enough to show people, but the ones I’ve never shown anybody, but can’t bring myself to throw away, because maybe there is an award winning shot among them. I’ll never know, because there are thousands and thousands of them, and life is too short to rummage through them all.
Jenn and I talk regularly about moving things out of our lives. Cleaning out the basement has become something of a metaphor for cleaning out our minds.
A few nights ago, after a mountain bike ride on the benches above Canmore, we sat in the back-yard and watched the sun dip towards Mount Rundle. It was a beautiful evening. Jenn noted that the bar-b-q cover looked as if it needed replacing: a few long hard winters have taken its toll and it was looking ratty. She said that she had a list of such things that needed replacing and intended to check things off that list and when she was done she wouldn’t have to waste so much mental energy keeping track of things.
I couldn’t agree more, and at the same time, realize the futility of such an endeavour. I too keep a great-long-list of things that must be done both in my head, and on paper. This list, along with the mental inventory of my possessions stacked on shelves and in the crawl space beneath the stairs in the basement takes up a lot of mental space.
The problem is that as I clean out the basement, or systematically work my way down the list of things to do, I never reach the end. So far at least I haven’t ended up with an empty basement, or even one that is perfectly neat and orderly; not so long as I keep carrying things down the stairs and putting them on the work bench to deal with some other time.
I never finish the list of things that need to be done – such as buying a new bar-b-q cover or painting the window sills or repairing the damaged foundation plaster – so long as I keep adding things to the list. And I will always be adding things to the list. There will always be things that I have to tote down to the basement to deal with when there is more time. Sometimes we have to tuck things away and deal with them when we are better able to face them.
I know that I can’t hope to have the blank mental space that I equate with peace until I find a way to stop the wheels from spinning, even if there is a long list or a crowded basement. Peace doesn’t come from checking off everything on that list and then never adding another thing to it; peace is a result of learning to live with the list and not allow it to dominate my thoughts every minute of the day.
Meditation helps with this. When I sit down for my brief mediation sessions, I know there are endless projects waiting for me on the workbench at the bottom of the stairs, and countless emails in my inbox, but the practice is to clear the emotional space around this reality. The kid’s train set needs to be fixed and there is a cat carrier that needs to be donated to the SPCA and I really should find a moment to have a look at my anger issues and to understand why every time the phone rings and it’s my mother I get anxious. I need to write a grant proposal and the last chapter of my next novel needs work. A lot of it. The list is endless. Meditation provides me with a reprieve, while sitting or walking mindfully, and throughout the day.
Peace doesn’t come from having an empty basement and a blank to-do list; it arises from our willingness to accept that that life is full of incomplete undertakings and that is part of the joy of being alive. Once all the lists are complete, when there is nothing left to traipse down to the basement to fix, unpack, repack and haul out the door, the journey will be over. And the journey is all we have.
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Read another similar post here: Lighten Up.
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