Stuttering – Roll With It or Try to Fix It?
Courtney was at a crossroads.
She had a choice when it came to how she approached her ever-present stuttering: Roll With It or Try to Fix it?
So Where Did Courtney Find Hope?
Her last-ditch efforts to face her speech issues and help herself climb out of her self-created basket of Hell came when she applied to The Successful Stuttering Management Program (Boot Camp for Stutterers) at age 20 and received a full scholarship to attend. She flew across country from Virginia to Cheney, Washington for three weeks of intense study.
One of the key components of the program involved going up to strangers in a shopping mall, announcing to them that you stuttered and then asking them to complete a short survey. It sounded to me like a Massive Cringeworthy Experience – how could my niece possibly do this? I shuttered to think about her there.
In her own words, Courtney’s boot camp tale:
The survey is four questions and should take around 2-3 minutes to get through. My first interview took me over 45 minutes. I remember choosing to stop a particular person because she “looked friendly” – whatever that means. The sun was setting and the evening chill was approaching. One by one, I read each word on the script.
“My name is….”
I hate my name. The harshness of the C gets me every time. The tension rises up in my throat, making it impossible to get any sound out.
Finally I croak out, “Courtney and I am a stutterer working on my speech in speech therapy. Can I ask you a few questions about stuttering?”
“Sure,” she says casually, but can we sit down? I have a condition where I can’t stand for too long.”
We sit on the steps of a nearby hall. The questions came out easier than the initial ask, but the tension and shame remained. By now, the sun had set and the moon was emerging. I came to my final question: “What do you think a stutterer should do to overcome his/her stuttering?”
Without missing a beat she said, “Nothing, you are perfect the way you are.”
After the interview, she told me she has a brain condition. Her doctors kept telling her she is going to die. She is not supposed to be living right now. I live in constant fear of speaking and she lives in constant fear of death.
We said goodbye and she told me it was so great to meet me. I thanked her profusely for her time and patience. I’ll never forget the look in her eyes as we said goodbye – it was a look of encouragement, belief, and pure unabashed pride. There was no pity, no pretend empathy, no uncomfortable feelings or impatient stares. It’s a look that’s a rarity in the stuttering community – one we don’t encounter too often.
The wind blew harder, but with a warm air I hadn’t felt before. I walked back to my dorm.
Talking to this person changed everything for me. It forced me to believe that it is okay to stutter. I don’t think I would have continued if I hadn’t received this response the first time I approached someone. It allowed me to keep going.
Courtney’s experience at boot camp marked the beginning of her fully embracing the fact she stuttered.
“I now advocate learning to live with stuttering in a healthy way – an acceptance of sorts,” notes Courtney. “There is no cure for stuttering or no quick fix so we can’t shame people who don’t overcome their stuttering and who don’t become more fluent. It doesn’t mean they’re not trying. “
That realization, coupled with the support professionally and personally of those who stuttered too, allowed Courtney to emerge out of the depths of her isolation, manage her fears and participate fully in life.
Courtney is presently enrolled in a PhD program at New York University in Communicative Science and Disorders and expects to graduate in May, 2027. Her research is focused on the social factors that influence stuttering.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Courtney says that if you know someone who needs help for their stuttering, please contact the NSA. Courtney is on their board.
https://www.westutter.org/
