Connection Starts with Conversation – How to Respond on R U OK Day

September 11 is R U OK? Day!

For me, checking in with others, and ourselves, should be a daily practice, not just reserved for one day a year.

According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, in the past 12 months, 22% of Australians aged 16–85 (around 4.3 million people) experienced a mental disorder. The most common were anxiety disorders, affecting 17% of the population, followed by affective disorders (8%) and substance use disorders (3%).

Additionally, 1 in 7 children and adolescents aged 4–17 have experienced a mental illness.

Burnout, overwhelm, anxiety, and poor mental health can impact every area of our lives. These challenges aren’t always visible, which is why it’s so important to reach out and to be open when others reach out to us.

As someone who naturally gives a lot in both work and home life, I’ve sometimes found it hard to ask for help. I learned the hard way. During my recent 14-month breast cancer battle I stayed optimistic, kept working throughout my treatments and kept giving to others. My support network was and is amazing, but I found it so hard to receive and not be the giver. After a while I realised I needed support and help, and it took me the whole year to be open to that and realise that people love to help and that is ok.

Sharing how we feel doesn’t always fix everything, but connection is a human need, and having support from others makes a real difference.

When I check in with people, at work or in life, I often hear responses like “I’m OK, I guess,” “Yeah, I’m hanging in there,” or the classic “Not bad, thanks.” These answers are easy to accept, and just as easy to give. But are they really serving us?

There’s a lot of focus on asking “Are you OK?” but not enough on how we can respond meaningfully when someone checks in.

If someone asks how you’re really doing, here are a few ways you might respond:

Say thank you: “Thanks for caring. It means a lot.”Ask for support: “I could use someone to talk to right now.”Be honest: “I’ve been feeling a bit down lately, but I’m working through it.”Express gratitude: “I appreciate your concern, even if I’m not ready to talk.”Mention professional help: “I’m working with a therapist to get through this.”Deflect with empathy: “I’m okay, thank you. How about you?”Seek someone you trust: Let them know you have someone you’re comfortable talking to.Set boundaries: “I prefer not to discuss it right now, but I appreciate you checking in.”

I’m not an expert, but I’ve learned that constantly supporting others while neglecting myself isn’t sustainable. When someone checks in, brushing them off can feel like rejecting their care.

Let’s remember, prioritising our well-being is essential. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Taking care of your mental health is non-negotiable.

If you ever need a chat or support, I’m here.

Lead and live limitlessly.