Tune In! (I'm About to Tell on Myself)

     Many of you know me, and you know that I am a dork. I am not just any ol' dork, no, I am the Queen of Dorksville. I should have a flag, a fight song, and certainly, I should have a mascot and colors. I know I need colors. My favorite color is a darker medium brown, so we'll not use that; it could be mistaken for poo. No, instead, we'll go with Gold and Black, stark and sharp. We'll go with bright, bold, beautiful, and beholden colors! We'll use alliteration whenever possible because it's meaningful, marvelous, and magnificently moving.

    Why am I a dork today? Why is today a day when my dorkness has topped other days? I'll tell you. I recently bought two more, and almost three more guitars. It's how I feel right now, and it's what's taking up the space in my head. I wanted to play well since I was very young, but I never had the money for lessons, and the internet wasn't a thing back then. If you wanted to learn, you either taught yourself or you paid someone to show you. It never happened, but it is happening now, and when things happen -- dorks have a reason to shine.

    When you buy guitars, you need things to go with them, and I'm not talking about straps; I'm talking about extra strings, tuners, clips, picks, and that sort of thing. I went to Amazon and did just that. I bought a tuner and in the little package deal, I got a few randomly chosen colored picks, two pick holders, and a neat little clip to hold the strings down -- yea me! I can't wait to try it out.

    Tuning isn't rocket science, not when you have a digital tuner to do the heavy lifting! All I had to do was clip it to the guitar and pluck a string! When the face or display showed that my low E was in G mode, I turned the little knob on the tuner to set it straight - the arrow had to be straight to show that it was in tune. If the arrow goes to the right of center, the instrument is sharp - and if the arrow hangs to the left, it's too flat. The little needle must be pointing straight up, and it had to give you the letter of the string; what it should say, to be in tune! So simple -- until I used it.

    I'll be the first to say what actually happened, and I was incredibly frustrated when it did. After a lot of personal insight, and self-degrading because NO MATTER WHAT I DID...the strings would not tune to what I knew they should be, I figured it out. I was about to hit the roof. I was screaming at myself..."It's not hard, Jude. This should not be this hard. What are you doing wrong?" Oh, my goodness, the dogs were confused! They just kept staring at me, and the guitar sounded like crap!

    I simply could not get the E to be an E, no matter what I tried. I kept twisting it tighter, and I knew...I knew if I kept doing that....BAM! It snapped. Yes, it did! I broke the low E right off the instrument, and I shook my head in complete and utter disgust with myself. I knew I was doing it right, but I couldn't be because I knew that I was doing it so so so very wrong at the same time. YouTube to the rescue! Please!

    After watching a couple of videos, I was convinced again, furthering my belief that I was doing it correctly. I knew I was! I knew it. So, why was my guitar not behaving? Why was the little tuner not recognizing the sound? I unclipped it, and moved it. I tried to pick a string instead of strumming. It was ONLY AFTER I read the instructions again (with heart this time) that I realized that the digital tuner wasn't just made to tune acoustic guitars. It was made to tune a number of stringed instruments -- and there were separate modes for them.

    I had the tuner set on violin, not guitar. There you have it. My dorkness. I couldn't make the guitar sound like a well-tuned violin. It wasn't the digital tuner - no, it was me. I figured out how to reset the thing, and guess what, all the other strings are now in perfect tune -- with the low E just hanging off to the side for now. I'll take it to Guitar Center tomorrow, and yes, I will admit my folly. I am not too ashamed, I'm just laughing at how stupid it must sound to anyone who has been playing for over a month. You have to go through these trials, I suppose, if you don't take the time to read the instructions thoroughly. 

    So, if you're considering getting a new or used guitar, please invest in a high-quality tuner and read the instructions thoroughly.  I did buy a better tuner after all this, not because I blame the tuner; it was clearly my doing, but the better tuner may have a better clip. I don't like the clip on the cheaper one; it's just me...me being me.  Don't be me. Be you! You're the best you you can be, and I'm the only me I could ever be.

Photo Credit: Thomann Music