Enemy or Ally at the Table?

Joe.

Good-natured, smiles in the hallway—and yet in our team meetings, he became someone else. He challenged every idea I presented. Every. Single. Time.

He was the boss of several people on my project team who were in manufacturing. So his voice carried weight. And his interruptions? They weren’t just annoying. They made me look like I didn’t know what I was doing.

I started dreading our meetings. If I saw his name on the invite list, my shoulders would tense. I’d rehearse what I would say, triple-check my slides, prepare for battle. Because that’s how it felt: like a battle.

He always seemed so nice outside the meetings. But inside? It felt personal. Like he had it out for me.

I decided to confront him.

I scheduled a one-on-one meeting. A small conference room, just the two of us. My heart was pounding as I shut the door. I didn’t know how he would react, but I knew I had to ask.

“Joe,” I began, trying to steady my voice, “It seems like you always challenge me—my plans, my ideas—in front of the team. I have to ask… do you not like me? Did I do something wrong? Do you think I’m not capable?”

He blinked, stunned. The room was silent. Then he leaned back and said something I didn’t expect at all:

“I’m just trying to help. I care about my people. I want to make sure their voices are heard. I didn’t mean to upset you. I thought I was being supportive.”

And in that moment, everything shifted.

All that time, I thought Joe was my enemy. But really, he was just trying—awkwardly—to be an ally.

He wasn’t trying to sabotage me. He was protecting his people.

But I’d built an entire narrative about being under attack.

That meeting didn’t just help clear the air. It gave me a new lens. One rooted in curiosity, not judgment. But how often do we push past our assumptions and directly ask what the other person is thinking? Of course, sometimes our assumptions are accurate, but we often don’t really know. And often, we assume the worst.

Is there someone in your work or life you need to approach with curiosity instead of judgment?