So you want to write a novel…

Through an informal and totally unscientific survey I conduct at cocktail parties, I have discovered that many people consider writing a novel. Some even place “write a novel” on their Life To Do list. Most want to know how one goes about doing this sort of thing.

I keep it short and pithy at parties (“Oh, just make stuff up ahahahaha!”).  If you’re really serious or deeply curious, here’s the longer, slightly more serious version. Oh, and these aren’t really in any order.

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This is a novel. I wrote it.

Get an idea. I don’t know how to do this—other than keep your eyes and mind open. Turn off Things That Think For You like TV’s and other “screens” from time to time and let your mind just wander. And you know those over-dramatic worst case scenario people? Emulate them, when it comes to thinking about your novel. My mother regularly laments the outrageous motivations, backstories and whatnot I assign to people and everyday interactions (Omg what do you think she meant by that email?!?). But then I remind her I am paid to do exactly that.

Start writing anything. Let go of writing anything good on the first draft. In fact, don’t even bother with a draft. Just jot down ideas—but for like, a month or so, after that you have to pony up and attempt a NARRATIVE. Otherwise, you’re just making notes. No one wants to read your notes. But I kind of want to see if I can pitch that as a book…

Figure out WTF a narrative is. Here is what it is not: rambling, random musings. Invent characters, too. And a setting. And a plot. Watch them ping pong off each other. That’s the start of your story.

Read critically in the genre you wish to write. What “worked” about that novel you loved? Why couldn’t you get past chapter two? Where did that author place the sex scene and why do you think it was on page 273 and not page 14? Authors may make this stuff up, but it’s in a very deliberate way.

 Read critically about the genre you wish to write. There are certain conventions to genre fiction. You must learn them. Even if you are going to break them later.

Educate Yourself. Learn about POV, plot, the heroes journey, flashback, backstory, characterization…all that stuff. They are the tools in your tool belt. Weild them carefully and deliberately.

Stop researching. Stop learning your craft. Write the damn thing! That’s the ONLY different between aspiring writers and actual writers. At a certain point, you just have to figure it out as you go.

Any writers here? Or devoted readers?