What a Pleasure: Transform Reactivity in 2 Steps

We all want more joy, more clarity, more love, more purpose. We go into our day with every hope and intention of experiencing more of these things… until something happens. Anything, really, that sets us off. The tone of a co-worker, the mess our kids seem to immediately make upon arriving home from school, the person who cuts us off in traffic when we’re running late. Before we know it: BOOM! Like a simmering pot that eventually boils over, we react in anger and frustration and, almost always, have a mess of our own to clean-up.

But it doesn’t need to be this way. In fact, those moments that set the simmer in motion can be opportunities for tremendous positivity.

Kabbalah teaches that there is one true system for turning these negative experiences around: developing affinity—a deep, lasting relationship—with the Light.

That might sound poetic, but in practice it feels anything but. Affinity with the Light doesn’t come from everything going our way or from forcing a smile when we’re actually fuming; it comes from the small moments that challenge us. What’s more, those challenges aren’t random. The kabbalists explain that each of us is given opportunities tailor-made for our soul to help us see our lack—that inner sense of not-enoughness that triggers us to react. It’s the urge to control, to escape, to lash out, to grasp for something outside of ourselves to make us feel better.

These moments don’t usually feel like opportunities. They feel like irritations, inconveniences, or even full-on crises. But they are the precise conditions under which we can build that relationship with the Light and we can do it in two steps.

Step One: Pause.

Let’s use that example of getting cut off in traffic. You’re driving to an important meeting, already running late. Suddenly, two cars pull in front of you and slow to a crawl, blocking your way.

What’s your first impulse? Frustration? Anger? Impatience? Maybe all three at once?

Congratulations! This is your test.

Kabbalah would say this moment was custom-designed for you. Not as punishment, but as a training ground. Your instinct might be to honk, mutter under your breath, or stew in irritation. That might feel satisfying for a second—but it’s an energy grab, a reaction born of lack.

Instead, just pause. Interrupt the autopilot. Take a breath. Notice what’s happening inside you. You don’t need to make the frustration disappear—you just need to create enough space to see it before it runs the show.

Step Two: Say to yourself, “What a pleasure.”

I know—it sounds counterintuitive. There’s nothing pleasurable about being stuck behind slow drivers when you’re late. But you’re not saying it because the situation itself is enjoyable. You’re saying it because you recognize what’s really happening:

“This is an opportunity to transform my lack, to become more like the Light.”

Every time you resist the urge to react, you make a deposit in your spiritual bank account. You’re becoming less controlled by external circumstances and more rooted in your inner Light. This isn’t about sugarcoating—telling yourself, “Well, maybe this happened to save me from an accident.” That’s just rationalizing. It’s about celebrating the opportunity itself. “What a pleasure that I get to see my lack right now. What a pleasure that I have the awareness to pause. What a pleasure that I can choose differently.”

Over time, this practice rewires how you respond to life. You stop being someone who only feels good when things are going smoothly, and you start to find power in the very moments that once knocked you off center. Instead of shrinking when lack appears, you lean in. Instead of being drained by challenges, you use them to grow. And in doing so, you deepen your relationship with the Light—moment by moment, choice by choice.

The next time you feel the discomfort of lack, remember:
Pause. Say, “What a pleasure.”

Not because the situation is perfect, but because you are using it to become more aligned with the Light. That’s the real pleasure.

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