How to Help a Dysregulated Child Calm Down: Practical Strategies That Really Work

Supporting a child who becomes dysregulated can be challenging for shadow teachers, teaching assistants, educators, and parents alike. You may have tried telling a child to “calm down” during a meltdown or distressing moment, but often, this well-meaning phrase doesn’t work.

Understanding why saying “calm down” is ineffective and what to do instead can transform your approach and create meaningful, lasting support for neurodiverse children, especially those with ADHD, autism, or sensory processing differences.

In this post, we explore practical, evidence-informed strategies to help a dysregulated child calm down, meet their unique needs, and feel more in control. Plus, you’ll find recommended tools, resources, and courses to deepen your knowledge and skills.

Why Saying “Calm Down” Doesn’t Work

When a child is dysregulated, their nervous system is in a heightened state, flooded with stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. This triggers the body’s natural fight, flight, or freeze response, making it incredibly difficult for them to simply choose to calm down on command.

Asking a child to “calm down” in this moment is like telling someone to stop sneezing or coughing instantly; it’s not something they can control consciously.

Instead, the key lies in helping the child’s brain and body shift gradually from high alert to a regulated state through compassionate, intentional strategies.

Practical Strategies to Help a Dysregulated Child Calm Down

Here are five actionable tips that work well in classrooms,  sessions, and home settings:

1.     Use Grounding and Sensory Regulation Techniques

Helping a child regulate their sensory system is often the first step toward calming down. Sensory activities can reduce nervous system arousal and provide soothing input.

Try:

Deep pressure through a weighted blanket or lap padGrounding exercises like planting feet firmly on the floor or holding a textured objectSlow, deep breathing exercises (model the breathing for them)

Recommended product:

Weighted Blanket for Kids –Weighted blankets can be an excellent calming tool to include in your sensory toolkit.

2.     Provide Predictability and Choice

When overwhelmed, uncertainty increases anxiety and dysregulation. Offering clear, simple choices empowers children and gives them a sense of control.

For example:

“Would you prefer to sit here or by the window while you take a break?”

This approach supports executive functioning by engaging the child’s decision-making skills in a low-pressure way.

3.     Use Visual Supports and Simple Language

Visual aids help children understand and communicate their feelings without relying on complex language skills.

Consider:

Emotion charts or calm-down visualsBreak cards or “help” cardsUsing short, clear sentences and a calm tone

These tools reduce cognitive load and make emotional regulation more accessible.

Recommended free course:

Understanding Autism Spectrum Disorder – This free course covers communication tools and sensory strategies for supporting neurodiverse children.

4.     Connect Emotionally Before Redirecting

Before trying to correct behaviour or teach a new skill, it’s essential to emotionally connect with the individual. This helps the child feel understood and safe, which is foundational to calming down.

Try:

Getting to their eye levelOffering a gentle touch if appropriateSimply acknowledging feelings: “I see you’re upset right now, and that’s okay.”

Connection creates trust and opens the door for regulation and learning.

5.     Plan Ahead with Personalised Calm-Down Strategies

Every child is unique, so it’s essential to collaborate with the child and their support team to develop a tailored calm-down plan. This plan can include:

Favourite fidget toysA quiet, sensory-friendly cornerMovement breaks like jumping or stretching

Personalisation ensures the child’s specific needs and preferences are respected.

Additional Resources and Tools

If you’re looking for more ways to support a dysregulated child, here are some highly recommended books and tools available that many educators and parents find helpful:

“The Out-of-Sync Child” by Carol Stock Kranowitz is A classic guide on sensory processing challenges. Fidget toys and sensory kits are Great for providing calming sensory input in classrooms or at home.

Check out the latest sensory tools collection.

Why Ongoing Learning Matters: Free and Affordable Courses

Continuous learning can deepen your understanding and skills in supporting neurodiverse children. Here are some relevant free and low-cost courses:

Supporting Children with ADHD –Understanding Behaviour Management –

These courses offer practical, neurodivergent-affirming strategies aligned with best practice.

Final Thoughts: Empowering Neurodiverse Children Takes Patience and Understanding

Helping a dysregulated child calm down isn’t about quick fixes or telling them what to do. It requires empathy, patience, and a toolkit of strategies tailored to their unique brain and body needs.

By using grounding techniques, providing choice, using visuals, connecting emotionally, and planning personalised calm-down strategies, you can make a real, positive difference in a child’s day and overall development.

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