Two Ears, One Mouth: The Power of Listening for Writers

I know it’s been a pretty poetry-heavy blog of late and I’m honestly not apologetic about that. Poetry is a grace that fits into my life better these days. It’s more accessible to write, to slip my fingers into it’s lines, and to distill so many of the big and difficult feelings I’m currently holding. If you don’t poetry, you should. (Yes, it’s a verb, and a noun). But for today, I wanted to write about something I think is a skill whose value is immeasurable for writers.

The power to listen. Now, I’ve always been kind of a quiet kid (until I know you better, then good luck getting me to shut up) and was subjected to all kinds of comments. “Doesn’t she know how to talk?”, “I guess she’s just not much of a joiner, huh?”, “She’s so quiet.” All of this and more almost berated me into more silence until I was into my adulthood, and was forced to be more proactive in communicating. Still, to this day, in a large crowd of people, I prefer to be the one slinging one question into the crowd and then softly withdrawing to the sidelines to watch the frenzy.

Because I learn more this way.

First: I learn about character, history (or backstory), as well as flaws and strengths. In the listening to their words, their thoughts, their stories in total, yes, but also… I learn how they speak, I listen for intonations, and body cues. I listen for changes in pitch and pace, I listen for old dialects and idioms sneaking through. I listen with my eyes to watch the way their hands talk, their body nervous or posturing. I listen to the subtext of history behind it all. I learn about humans, and their story when I listen. And learning about humans is such a fundamental skill for writers to have. Not because we want to poach a character straight out of our monthly PTA meeting (well, maybe you do, I’m not here to judge) but so that when we sit down with our characters we can visualize them. As they are, with all of their imperfections and mannerisms, and really start to build a world true to what they’re saying in words, thoughts, and actions.

Second, and perhaps more utilitarian, I learn about the world. Listening to people opens me up to experiences and knowledge that I don’t have, maybe that I may have never even wondered about. And every story that settles into my encyclopedia brain is a new idea, a richer understanding of an old idea, and a bigger picture of this fantastical world. Every human being is a conduit to experience I don’t have enough years to gather myself. What a wonderful way to learn, am I right?

Third, and this is a natural consequence of the last point, listening to someone is a sign of respect, of interest, and on some level, love and acknowledgment of their existence, their struggle, and their worth in the world. More than just getting that character quirk you’ve been struggling with for months, or learning that a group of hippos is called a ‘bloat’, you are validating the experiences and importance of another person’s life. You are willingly giving them your time and attention (finite resources) and being present with them. That matters. More than just as a writer, but as a human being.

So–next time you’re in a crowd, writer… pay attention. Focus in, feel the presence of being in someone’s audience and listen to the story they show and tell you. It may lead to the next grand idea, it may help you unstick your work, or it may just help another human being feel seen.