Is Our Will Really Free?
A few weeks back, during a vacation we took to Europe, I found myself on a small boat heading to the dock at a nearby seaside village. We were greeted by the man who runs the boats in and out of this harbor, an Italian gentleman with a thick accent working alongside what looked like his son. When I asked if it was indeed a family operation, he smiled and introduced his son to us, but as the son spoke, I found myself befuddled. While his father had an Italian accent, the son spoke with an equally thick Australian accent. My curiosity was officially piqued…
I asked a full gamut of questions and learned that his mother was Australian, that he had traveled quite a bit, and was trying to decide between going to school or staying and working with his father. He loved the sea life but admitted to feeling a lot of pressure now that he was 18 to make the right decision. As he put it, “This decision will determine the rest of my life.”
This decision will determine the rest of my life.
Have you ever felt this way about a decision? If so, I’ll share with you what I shared with this young man: you can always change your mind. You might try something for two years or three years, maybe even ten years, and then decide it’s not for you anymore. No matter how old or young we are, we can and will change our minds many times throughout our lifetime. We change our minds multiple times every day. The ability to choose something new at any time is our free will.
This is one of my favorite teachings in Kabbalah. We don’t get to choose where we begin or where we end in this lifetime. We don’t get to choose the family we’re born into, the body we inhabit, or even the major life events that seem to appear out of nowhere. But there is one thing we do get to choose: how much we enjoy the journey.
This is the essence of our free will. It isn’t the ability to control everything in our lives, but the ability to choose how we respond to everything in our lives—consciously, intentionally, and with purpose.
Too often, people confuse free will with control. They think if they’re not calling every shot, directing every scene, or scripting every word, then they’ve failed somehow. This belief not only burdens us with unnecessary pressure—it’s also not true. Control and free will are not the same thing. Control is an illusion; it’s a pursuit that never gets you where you intended to go, and rarely where you ultimately need to arrive. Free will is a spiritual truth; it’s surrendering to the process. Knowing that life is all about process and choosing your response to whatever life throws at you.
Kabbalistically, free will is not about micromanaging the details of our lives but about choosing the consciousness that perceives those details. It’s choosing to chuckle when things don’t go our way instead of pouting. It’s the willingness to get curious during a conflict instead of reacting. It’s the kindness we choose in response to harshness. It’s the grace we give ourselves when we make a mistake, when all we want to do is beat ourselves up. We are infinitely free to choose how we want to experience anything. Which is amazing considering that not very much else is up to us.
Science is here to back it up. Recent studies in neuroscience have shown that our brains often make decisions before we even consciously register them. In a famous experiment by neuroscientist Benjamin Libet, participants were asked to move their hands at any moment of their choosing. Brain scans revealed that the decision to move was detectable before the person was even aware they had made it. Before they had ever moved!
Some scientists take this to mean we don’t have free will at all. But I see it differently. Choosing to take action and choosing to change our thinking are two different things, and the latter is where free will lives. Just because a thought arises doesn’t mean we are enslaved to it. Our soul has the power to override the mind. We can pause, reflect, and re-choose.
The moment of pause is where we enact the power of our free will.
So much of our suffering comes from believing that we need to “figure it all out,” that we need to have the right job, the right partner, the right bank balance. But Kabbalah teaches that the process is the purpose. Every delay, every detour, every disruption—these are not mistakes. They are invitations to greater transformation. Free will is not about getting from point A to point B with as little disruption as possible. Not only would that be unbelievably boring it would allow for no growth, no surprise, and no evolution. It might be absent of lows, but it would guarantee no highs either.
Choosing to enjoy the process, however, guarantees a life of adventure, wonder, and fulfillment.
Where in my life am I trying to control an outcome? What would happen if you paused and made a new choice? What if you chose to see it as a blessing even now?
The beauty of free will is that there is no way to get it right, and you get infinite opportunities to choose anew. Living in this realm, everything becomes beautiful. Maybe not easy, maybe not perfect, maybe not at all how you expected, but it will be authentic, real, and inspiring. You are completely free, right now, to choose whatever you want.
Now that’s a blessing.
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