Making Amends: The Courage to Reconnect with Others—and Ourselves

Making amends reestablishes our humanity and our credibility

In the grand orchestra of teamwork, connection is everything. But what happens when we hit a sour note? When a conversation goes sideways, a colleague feels unseen, or we let emotion override empathy?

In episode 69 of the Connected Teamwork Podcast, Hylke Faber of Growth Leaders Network and I explored the practice that might be the most vulnerable of all—and yet, the most transformative:

Making amends promptly… and doing it for integrity.

This isn’t about empty apologies or checking a box. It’s about rebuilding trust. Reconnecting. Owning the ripple effects of our words and actions—and choosing to show up differently next time.

What Does It Really Mean to Make Amends?

“Nobody has to tell me when I wasn’t at my best. I know.” — Hylke Faber

We’ve all felt that tug in our gut—the one that whispers: “That wasn’t it.” Maybe we interrupted someone. Maybe we reacted defensively. Maybe we made a decision in isolation and only later saw the cost to others.

The truth? Our behaviors and emotions impact people. Even when unintended.

So making amends begins long before we utter the words “I’m sorry.” It begins with deep honesty and deep kindness—with ourselves and with others. We make amends not to earn approval, but because we know it’s the right thing to do.

“A true amend is a gift. It’s not a transaction.” — Carson Heady

The Crocodile in the Room: Ego, Avoidance, and the False Apology

Hylke put it bluntly: our “crocodilian mind”—that primal ego—often tries to wriggle out of accountability.

“Maybe I can get away with it. Maybe they didn’t notice. Maybe I don’t have to say anything.”

Or worse, it weaponizes apologies.

“I’m sorry, but…” isn’t an amend. It’s a justification. “I’m sorry I can’t make it” when we’re already bailing? That’s not accountability. That’s an excuse in disguise.

We’ve all been there. And yet, when we confront our ego and choose accountability, the effect is powerful.

“When I make amends, people tend to come closer to me. That sincerity is disarming. It creates safety.” — Hylke Faber

The 4-Part Practice of a True AmendOwn what you did. Name it clearly. No spin.Acknowledge the impact. Don’t assume. Ask.Offer reparations. This isn’t about punishment. It’s about restoring balance.Follow through. Words without action are hollow. Show up differently next time. And if appropriate, check in again. When We’re Lost in Our Own World

“Most amends I’ve had to make come from being trapped in my own perspective. My own stress. My own ego.” — Carson Heady

Sometimes it’s not malice that hurts others—it’s rigidity. Or self-doubt. Or the blinders that come from being overwhelmed.

Carson reflected on a time when career turbulence triggered intense emotion. Disappointed by those he thought would rally behind him, he lashed out, closed off, and disconnected. It wasn’t until later—older, wiser, and more grounded—that he could make authentic amends:

“I was so consumed by my own experience, I didn’t stop to see yours. I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t easy. But it was real. And it helped rebuild trust that politics had nearly destroyed.

Progress Over Perfection

“I wake up knowing I’m going to make mistakes today.” — Hylke Faber

None of us are perfect. And our amends aren’t meant to be either.

The goal isn’t to never mess up—it’s to repair. Reconnect. Grow.

Sometimes the first amend is to ourselves:

For judging too harshly.For shrinking in the face of fear.For overworking or hiding our light.For forgetting our own values.

Reparation might look like setting a boundary. Or asking for help. Or choosing kindness over self-criticism.

“The amend is often not a grand gesture—it’s the next micro-step to break the pattern.”

When You’re Not Ready

Let’s be honest: some amends feel too raw, too scary, or too hard. That’s okay.

“Put it on the ‘maybe’ list. You don’t have to force it. But don’t forget it either.” — Hylke Faber

Carson offered this challenge:

“Don’t pressure yourself to rush. But ask: where am I showing up in a way that’s blocking connection? What’s one relationship I want to improve? Start there.”

Because when we drop the armor and lead with humility, the change is contagious. We become more centered. More compassionate. More trusted. More human.

“There’s no better way to connect than to be your authentic self. And there’s no bigger vulnerability than admitting when you’re wrong.” — Carson Heady

Final Reflection

Take a moment. Think of someone you need to make amends to. Maybe it’s a colleague. A family member. Yourself.

What would it feel like to own your part? To ask how your actions impacted them? To offer something in return—not as penance, but as an act of balance?

And if you’re not ready yet—that’s okay.

“A true amend isn’t pressure. It’s a gift. When you’re ready, give it.”

Listen to Episode 69 of the Connected Teamwork Podcast to hear the full conversation with Hylke Faber and Carson Heady.

Connect with Growth Leaders Network on LinkedIn for more on how to build deeper, more meaningful team connections.

Because the more honest we are with each other—and ourselves—the more connected we become.

#Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #SelfAwareness #Teamwork #Vulnerability #AuthenticLeadership #ConnectedTeams #PersonalGrowth #PsychologicalSafety