Why ‘Just Try Harder’ Doesn’t Work: Understanding Executive Dysfunction (and Why It’s Not About Willpower)

“If he can focus during Minecraft, why not on his homework?”

That question. It echoes through schools, homes, WhatsApp groups, and sometimes, in my own head.

Let me tell you what happened last Tuesday morning.

I called out, “Time to get dressed!”

There was silence. Then some muffled noises.

I walked in.

There he was. My son. Deep in a full-blown PJ Masks mission. Catboy, Gekko and Owlette were in a dramatic rescue, involving a pencil box, my hairbrush, and some kitchen tongs.

His school uniform was untouched.

Bag half-packed.

Shoes are in opposite corners of the room.

Toothbrush? Probably on an adventure of its own.

And no, this wasn’t him being naughty.

This was executive dysfunction.

So, what is Executive Dysfunction… really?

Imagine your brain is a whiteboard. Executive function is the part that lets you plan, organise, remember instructions, and shift between tasks.

Now imagine that whiteboard constantly smudging itself. The pen skips. Someone keeps erasing bits mid-thought. That’s what it’s like for many neurodivergent individuals.

They know what to do.

They want to do it.

But the sequence doesn’t connect.

The transition from “I should get dressed” to “I am now fully dressed” isn’t a straight line.

It’s more like:

“I should get dressed”

“Where are my socks?”“Oh, that’s my action figure under the bed!”“Wait, I never finished that mission last night!”“What were we talking about again?”Why ‘Just Try Harder’ Fails Every Time

Here’s the thing. Telling someone with executive dysfunction to “just try harder” is like telling someone with a broken leg to “just run faster.”

We often see motivation as the problem.

But motivation is not the issue.

The initiation, sequencing, and follow-through are.

Kids with ADHD, autism, learning differences or even just anxiety often want to do well. They may try harder than most. And still, their day can fall apart by 8:15 AM.

And no, rewarding them with stars or punishing them with guilt doesn’t fix the fog in their brain. It only makes them feel more broken.

So, What Helps Instead?

Here’s what works in my home, my sessions, and in classrooms I support:

Chunk the task: “Get dressed” becomes “Put on your shirt. Now your trousers. Now your socks.”Add visuals: a checklist, a humorous drawing, or a sticky note on the door.Use play: We turn dressing into a race. Or sometimes, I pretend to be a talking shoe, urging him to wear me.Prep in advance: Mornings are smoother when decisions are made the night before.Allow for movement: Fidgeting, pacing, and even talking to oneself are often how they process steps internally.Be their co-regulator: When their mind spirals, don’t push them off the cliff. Sit beside them on the edge.Let’s Rethink What ‘Support’ Really Means

Shadow teachers, educators, parents, this isn’t about fixing a child. It’s about understanding how their brain works. When we shift the lens from compliance to connection, magic happens.

Let’s not ask, “Why can’t they do this?”

Let’s ask, “What’s getting in the way and how can I make the path easier?”

Because when we drop the “just try harder” narrative,

We make space for something far more powerful:

“Let me help.”

Have you experienced this with your student, child, or even yourself?

Share your story in the comments. Let’s turn this into a space where we get honest about the invisible struggles and how we can show up better.

Do you need personal guidance for your child, your classroom, or yourself?

Book a 1:1 consultation with me here Recommended Resources to Support Executive Function Executive Functioning Workbook for Kids: A Fun Adventure with Bora the Space Cat

This engaging workbook guides children aged 9–12 through an illustrated space-mission storyline, teaching them how to plan, prioritise, break down goals, and manage time —key skills for executive function. Its interactive format and gentle prompts align perfectly with the “chunking tasks” and “making it playful” advice shared earlier.

ADHD Workbook for Kids 8–12: ADHD Planner for Kids

Packed with skill-building activities, goal-setting pages, and reflective journaling, this planner-style workbook provides structure and self-awareness tools for kids navigating ADHD, supporting the visual checklist and co-regulation strategies mentioned above.

Brain Training for Kids with ADHD: 101 Fun Exercises and Logic Puzzles

This collection of entertaining puzzles and games is designed to enhance focus, working memory, and self-regulation in neurodiverse children, providing an easy way to incorporate brief brain breaks into daily routines.

Free Online Course Recommendation

Self-Paced Comfort: “The Pathways of Anxiety”

While not specific to executive function, this free course explores how anxiety can interfere with planning, attention, and emotional regulation —the very skills we aim to strengthen. Understanding the impact of anxiety on the brain provides insight into why even the best-structured plans may fall apart and how to support kids through those moments.

How to Use These ToolsResourceSupports Which StrategyHow to ApplyWorkbook with visual planningChunking & visual cuesUse sheets to break down morning routines or homework tasksADHD plannerSelf-regulation & reflectionEncourage your child to journal the day’s wins and next stepsPuzzle bookExecutive function warm-upsBuild focus before starting tasks or as a calming toolAnxiety courseUnderstanding emotional barriersWatch together and discuss how feelings affect motivation

By integrating fun tools, structured routines, and emotional insight, you’re not just telling a child to “try harder”; you’re equipping them with the skills to actually get started, stay on track, and feel supported every step of the way.