Martha Washington: The First Founding Mother

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We can learn a lot from history by focusing on the ladies who were alive at the time, finding out where they stood and how the changes affected them. In the case of American history, the wives of the presidents are an excellent focal point—after all, they were very often in the room when momentous decisions were made. Though they were often quiet, these women had important roles to play as well. That’s why I decided to add the First Ladies to my project this year—I had decided to read biographies of the Presidents in order, and that’s been enjoyable, but there was something missing.

I have now read two books about the Washington family, to use as research for my First Ladies project. The first was The Washingtons by Flora Fraser. This week, I finished Martha Washington: An American Life by Patricia Brady.

As Brady herself says in the final chapter of her book, Martha Washington is probably the most important First Lady, because what she did set an example for all of the future presidents’ wives. The irony is that very little is normally known about her. She has become a shadow to her husband and the things that he did. Thankfully, historians have done some digging; they reveal for us the portrait of an amiable, firm-willed, and courageous woman who proved invaluable to her second husband when he needed a source of strength.

After the war against Britain for independence, the infant nation was stumbling and learning to walk; it was not yet clear what the job of this new leader would entail. George Washington, the unanimously elected first President, had to figure it all out as he went along—matters such as where he would live and how he would be addressed. It was the same for his wife, Martha, but I gathered from Patricia Brady’s book that Martha was more prepared for her role, even if she resented it. (I can’t blame her—she was looking forward to living with George in peace at Mount Vernon, and protested vividly to his being elected President, though she went with him, as usual, where he needed her).

The reason why Martha Washington is a mystery, in spite of her prominent role in history, is a lack of evidence. Her own family seems to be a riddle, a family dating so far back that not everything is documented, and the numerous Marthas and Fannys make genealogy a puzzle indeed. Researchers do not have many letters to work with, either—after the death of her husband, she burned almost all of the correspondence they shared. This action ensured that their romantic life would remain private. It also meant that Martha herself would be shrouded in mystery.

Not all is lost, though; just enough records exist of her life to form an image. Though hazy, this image depicts a woman who loved her family (and was deeply grieved when all of her children died). Martha had enough charm that she was able to win the heart of her first husband, Daniel Parke Custis, in spite of their social differences—he was of the upper class, and her family were middle class; those two groups did not generally mingle. After Daniel’s death, she took charge of household affairs in his stead, keeping matters organized even during her own period of grief. When her second husband was offered a role where victory was dubious, she supported him fully, though she would worry when he went off to battle. Often, she would follow George out to the uncomfortable battlefields, and she seldom complained about conditions there at all.

I’ve already written one post about Martha and her two marriages, but now that I’ve finished Patricia Brady’s book, I wanted to share further thoughts about the Martha we aren’t told about. She was a courageous woman who took a risk, choosing to be inoculated for smallpox so that she could follow George to the most devastated camps. When she visited, the soldiers would take kindly to her, many learning to view “Lady Washington” as a mother figure when so much in their lives had become uncertain. She was a devoted grandmother who enjoyed purchasing fine gifts for her family, and when George became President, two of these grandchildren would move with them to New York, where Martha would bring them up.

In our world, it might be a bit unusual to pair these qualities with the sort of greatness that stands out in a historical figure. The truth is, there’s great honor in the art of running a house and loving a family. Brady explains:

It’s almost impossible to write the biography of a woman before the twentieth century without writing a lot about daily life, especially for a woman as happily domestic as Martha Washington. To write only of high points and great deeds is to ignore most of human life and the things that give the greatest joy—whether riding around the fields to check on the progress of a new strain of barley for George or Martha’s knitting stockings and hemming hankies for her grandchildren.

As L. P. Hartley wrote, “The past is another country. They do things differently there.”

They do things differently there. I was struck when I first saw that quote from L. P. Hartley—because it makes sense. We might struggle to understand some customs if we hold them to our modern standards. There is a great difference between people who lived in 1776, and people who are alive today. We now have more choices available with regards to our lives and how we would like to be remembered. This doesn’t mean that people in those years weren’t proud of what they did. Besides, if we think of the ease with which disease could beckon death and put an end to families, we can understand why the family unit was the most important thing. It was incredibly fragile.

The Washingtons

Her first husband is an obvious example of this, for he died only seven years into their marriage. After he died, Martha did not give herself much time to mope. She still had responsibilities, and she took care of them with efficiency. In Daniel’s final memorandum book, his handwriting disappears abruptly after his illness and death. The next page contains Martha’s writing, in almost instantaneous continuation. 

She was newly widowed, but she didn’t have time to sit and wallow. The memorandum-book contains a record of an order that she placed from London. It includes a heart-wrenching item that no loving wife would wish to require:

One handsome Tombstone—with the following Inscription and the Arms sent in a Piece of Paper on it, 10 with ‘Here Lies the Body of Daniel Parke Custis Esquire who was born the 15th Day of Oct. of 1711 & departed this Life the 8th Day of July 1757. Aged 45 Years.

Martha was steady and economical, guiding her household, slaves included, into an appropriate period of mourning. Later, she would gracefully guide an entire nation through periods of uncertainty and fear. She did all of this while maintaining the grace and wisdom of a grandmother. She learned to function under pressure, and had a knack for befriending the right people. Her charisma was perfect, for it provided balance to the stoicism of her husband:

Although Washington was sometimes criticized for stiff ceremoniousness, his lady was always praised for her easy friendliness. The president was a man of natural dignity and aloofness, never one for back-slapping camaraderie. – But his wife’s first thought was for her guests. In putting them at their ease, she softened and humanized her overpowering husband, allowing him to relax a bit and show something of the private family man.

Patricia Brady’s book is a quick, enchanting read. Her writing manages, with ease, to complete the image of the first President’s wife. Using letters and other such documents as evidence, she presented the life of Martha Dandridge in a way that I’d never seen before. “Lady Washington” was, for the longest time, a silent image in my head; now I know more about her. This image has come to life, restoring humanity to this admirable woman.

At the end of the book, Brady sums up the significance of Martha Washington’s role. She also comments on her actions, and how they still matter now:

There is no guidebook to help a new First Lady; she must look back at her predecessors to decide how to shape her role and to survive in the limelight. Martha Washington’s imprint on the position has been decisive. As the first in a long line, she invented the role while confronting with grace its inevitable quandaries, successes, and heart-aches.

When George finally retired for good, they were able to spend their final years at Mount Vernon. Martha continued to entertain guests into her old age, old allies and young admirers alike. She spoke to them about history and politics, an unusual activity for women at the time. She was able to answer questions in a uniquely relevant way, because she had been around to see so much of the new nation’s birth. 

It is no wonder, then, that many saw her as a mother. Indeed, if there were Founding Fathers, there must have been Founding Mothers, too—and foremost of them all is Martha Washington. From her, we can learn to soldier on through challenging times. She shows us that humans are resilient, and can adapt to situations far from their zones of comfort. She is an example of a doting mother and supportive spouse. 

This is what I wanted to learn when I picked up Patricia Brady’s book. I highly recommend it to anyone who would like a different angle from which to examine the American Revolution; you will not be disappointed, I assure you.