Paying the price for not listening
The causes of my injury. Or were the culprits my stubbornness and stupidity?Thanks for reading GROWTH: Make it Personal! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.
I started this newsletter on July 4, a sunny day in the mid-80s with low humidity. It would have been the perfect day to enjoy my morning coffee on the porch, putter around in the garden for a few hours, or head out for an afternoon picnic, and later, fireworks.
Instead, I lay on my back on the couch for most of the day, an ice pack cooling my lumbar spine where two herniated discs are pinching my sciatic nerve.
The “rebellious gardening” I wrote about in my last newsletter was not as freeing as it had seemed. I wrote that pushing through my aches and pains felt “so damn good, like giving a finger to aging,” and that “I was careful not to exacerbate my existing ailments.” I told my husband, “If this is what 66 feels like, I’ll take it!”
WRONG.
My rebellious gardening was, in fact, stupid. I’d felt a twinge of pain in my left hip the morning I planned to woman-handle a half-dozen heavy pavers into place. I warned myself aloud, “Karen, your body is telling you to take a break.”
But did I listen?
NO.
I spent a few hours hunched over, dragging, pushing, and walking 75-pound pavers into place. The next morning, I woke in agony.
That was over seven weeks ago. Since then, the pain has been constant, often excruciating and immobilizing. I can't sit, stand, or walk for long. Some days, I can’t reach down to put my shoes on. It’s taken multiple attempts to finish this newsletter because I can’t concentrate for long.
Most days, I manage to water my flowers and drag myself to the treatment du jour—acupuncture, chiropractic, massage, or PT—then I retreat to the couch and my ice pack.
When I don’t feel well, I withdraw. I don’t want visitors. I don’t want to chat. I don’t even want to open Facebook. My natural introversion becomes isolation. Emotionally, it’s not healthy.
The pain management doctor says this should last three months. “Only” five weeks to go as of this writing. If I’m lucky.
Chronic illness—an opportunity for personal growthChronic or long-lasting health issues impart myriad life lessons to the sufferer if they are open to personal growth. So far, my bout of sciatica has taught me nothing I didn’t already know, but apparently I needed a reminder to…
Let go of expectations. Listen to my body. Take time to rest.
How or if to share my physical painAside from physical pain making it difficult to write this newsletter, I also struggle with how or if to complain.
Dare I whine, given all the true suffering in the world?
Is it better not to mention my pain when others have it so much worse? How can I tell a friend when I know that friend suffers more than I?
Is bitching about pain a turn-off? If I do it too often, do I risk it becoming my identity?
The irony is that if I weren’t in so much pain, I might have the bandwidth to explore these questions. Perhaps another day I’ll do that.
Today, I’ll have to let the questions hang in the air. My ice pack is calling.
Do you have chronic pain or illness? What parameters, if any, do you put on sharing? Please let me know in the comments—let’s start a discussion.
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Thanks for reading, friend!
In my writing life…Although pain hindered my ability to write this month, seeds I had sewn earlier bore fruit.
Next Avenue published my essay about lymphatic drainage massage. You’ll want to know all the benefits of this treatment that can be done at home. (Full disclosure: I gave it my best shot, but this self-help treatment did not reduce my sciatic pain.)
Lymphatic Drainage Massage: The Miracle Worker for My Knee Pain
The Ethel, an AARP publication, just published an essay about people-pleasing that I first submitted last summer. Yes, sometimes the wheels of the writing life grind that slowly. Within a day of its publication, two readers wrote me to say that my story resonated with them. That made the wait worth it.
The Personality Trait That Was Paralyzing Me
Also, I was honored to be a guest on the Meet the Author Book Club with Julie Nurnimen Trainer, host of the Hidden Gifts of Loss Podcast and Hidden Gifts of Loss Facebook Community page. I had a delightful discussion with a supportive and engaged group of readers. Thank you, Julie!
Speaking of book clubs, are you a member of a live or virtual book club? I’d be thrilled if your group selects my book and invites me to your discussion. Questions? Reply to this email or reach out at contact@karendebonis.com.
Finally, a writing acquaintance and fellow memoirist featured me on her Substack. Thank you, Dawn!
Memoirist in the MuseumINTRODUCING SUCCESSFUL MEMOIRIST, KAREN DEBONISFrom time to time, I like to add someone else's story of how they came to be published. I think it helps for readers to discover what other writers have encountered, what their journey to publication has been like…Read more23 days ago · 5 likes · 21 comments · RoseBook newsI am so grateful for every reader who takes the time to post a review. If you’ve done that, a sincere thank you. If you haven’t yet, would you take a few minutes to add your thoughts? Reviews beget more readers in the Amazon algorithm universe.
Don’t know how to do an Amazon review? No problem, I gotcha! See my simple directions here.
Growth: A Mother, Her Son, and the Brain Tumor They Survived.Medical gaslighting and a mother’s people-pleasing converge, shattering her expectations of motherhood and threatening the survival of her young son.
Click here for purchase linksKaren is a happily married, slightly frazzled working mother of two when her eight-year-old son, Matthew, develops a strange eye-rolling tic. Gradually, her high-energy kid becomes clumsy and lethargic, her “Little Einstein” a gifted program dropout. Karen knows something is wrong. But she can't get anyone to listen and lacks the backbone to crack the resistance. After three exhausting, desperate years, finally, an MRI reveals the truth: a brain tumor, squishing Matthew's brain into a sliver against his skull. Following a delicate surgery, doctors predict a complete recovery. But the damage from the delayed diagnosis prolongs Matthew's recovery, challenging Karen to grow in ways she never imagined.
A fast-paced page-turner told with candor, insight, and wit, Growth takes you on a rollercoaster of painful truths and hard-won transformations.
Available where books are sold, or see purchase links here.
Where to listen to GROWTH on audiobook:More retailers will soon offer my book, so if your favorite listening site isn't included, check back in next month's newsletter.
