How to Do the Work: A Book Review About Reflection and Work!

I didn’t expect a book to hit this hard. But How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera wasn’t just something I read, it became something I worked through. This book helped me start healing in ways I didn’t even know I needed. I’ve always considered myself someone who reflects a lot, but this book pushed me to go deeper. Much deeper.

What stood out most were the questions at the end of each chapter. They weren’t your typical “think about this” kind of prompts. They were real, sometimes uncomfortable, and always honest. I’d find myself staring at a page thinking, “Do I really want to go there?” And then I would. And that’s where the growth happened.

Some of the reflections brought tears. Others brought relief. Many brought clarity.

Patterns, Triggers, and That Voice in My Head

LePera’s breakdown of childhood conditioning, trauma bonds, emotional addiction, and the inner child made things click for me. I started to see how old patterns were still playing out in my relationships, in my thoughts, and in the way I react to stress.

I tend to overthink, catastrophize, and replay situations in my mind over and over. This book helped me see that those habits weren’t just quirks, they were coping mechanisms. Protective strategies and most importantly, they were things I could actually shift with awareness and intention.

The Journal Became a Lifeline

I kept a journal next to me as I read each chapter. I wasn’t just underlining things (though I did a lot of that too); I was answering the questions, processing my responses, and starting to untangle the stories I had carried for years.

Prompts like:

“What beliefs about yourself did you inherit from your caregivers?”“Where are you abandoning yourself in order to be accepted?”“What would it look like to give yourself permission to feel safe?”

…these were more than exercises. They opened doors. Some I didn’t even know were closed.

Not Just for Therapists, Coaches, or Leaders

You don’t need to be in a helping profession or leadership role to benefit from this book. You just need to be ready or even curious about healing. LePera doesn’t sugarcoat it. Healing is not easy or quick. But her writing is clear, compassionate, and based in both research and lived experience. She gives examples from her own life that make the process feel human and relatable.

Final Thoughts

How to Do the Work is the kind of book that can be read slowly, with a pen in hand and a quiet room. It’s also one you’ll probably return to, especially as your awareness grows.

I recommend it to anyone who:

Feels stuck in emotional loops or unhealthy relationshipsWants to understand themselves betterIs ready to start journaling with purposeIs curious about trauma, self-worth, boundaries, or identityJust wants to feel a little less alone 

For me, this book came at the right time  and I’m really glad I was willing to do the work.

About the Author

Spike Cook, Ed.D., Principal, RM Bacon Elementary, Millville, NJ. In addition to being a Principal, Dr. Cook published two books through Corwin Press (Connected Leadership: It’s Just a Click Away; Breaking Out of Isolation: Becoming a Connected School Leader). He is the co-host of the popular PrincipaPLN podcast and a regular on the Unlock the Middle Videocast. His blog, Insights Into Learning, was recognized as a finalist for Best Administrator Blog by the EduBlog Awards. Spike earned his Doctorate from Rowan University and is an Adjunct Faculty member in the Masters of School Administration Program He is featured in Twinkl’s 30 Education Influencers You Need to Follow and Klear’s Top Ten Middle School Influencers. Dr. Cook is also on the Education Advisory Board for Whole Health Ed. Connect with @drspikecook via Twitter, YouTube,  LinkedIn, Facebook or Instagram.