One Trick to Help Kids Name Big Emotions Without Saying ‘Calm Down’

“Calm down.”

Two words. Said with the best intentions.

But they rarely land the way we hope, especially when a child is mid-meltdown, or on the edge of one. In fact, it’s a bit like yelling ‘relax’ at someone stuck in quicksand. They might hear you, but what they feel is panic, shame, and confusion.

I’ve been there both as a parent and as a professional.

The Classroom That Changed Everything

Years ago, I was supporting a bright, energetic 6-year-old who had a knack for flipping furniture whenever overwhelmed. He couldn’t tell us why. He couldn’t name the emotion. And no one could guess whether he was angry, sad, overstimulated, or scared.

The common response? Calm down.

The result? Louder yelling. More resistance. Shut-down mode.

So we tried something else.

Instead of asking him to label the emotion with words he didn’t yet have, we gave him metaphors to grab onto.

“If your feelings were a colour, what would it be today?”“If it were a weather report, what would we see outside?”“If your feeling had a sound, what would it be?”

He paused. Then whispered, “Red. Like a siren.”

It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t polished. But it was the first real moment of self-expression we had seen from him in weeks. And it changed the way I approached every child’s emotional world after that.

Why This Works (Even When Words Don’t)

When children, especially neurodivergent ones, experience intense emotions, their logical language brain often takes a back seat. That’s not misbehaviour; it’s neurology. The emotional brain goes into full alert, and the ability to process adult instructions, such as “calm down,” becomes almost impossible.

This is where metaphor becomes magic.

By asking the child to translate their internal state into something visual, sensory, or creative, we:

Decrease pressure to “get it right”Tap into the sensory language their brain can accessMake feelings external, which makes them easier to manageBuild a bridge between their world and ours

It’s not about fixing the feeling. It’s about making it visible.

Try This With Your Students or Kids

Here are a few emotion-naming prompts I often use at home and in schools:

If your feeling was:A colour, what would it be?A shape, what would it look like?An animal, what would it be doing?A type of weather, what’s the forecast?A song, what would it sound like?

You’ll be amazed at the responses.

“I’m a thundercloud that wants to burst.”

“I’m a zebra stuck in traffic.”

“I’m yellow with sharp edges.”

These are more than just cute answers; they’re emotional check-ins in disguise.

The Real Win? Connection.

When we stop trying to control the storm and start getting curious about it, something shifts. The child feels seen. Understood. Safe enough to open up. And we stop seeing behaviour as something to correct and start recognising it as communication.

This one shift can strengthen your relationship with any child, whether you’re teaching, shadowing, parenting, or simply caring deeply about their world.

Final Thought

Not every child will respond right away. Some need time, while others need modelling. However, all children need space to express big feelings in a way that makes sense to them, not just to us.

So the next time you feel the urge to say “calm down,” pause.

Try inviting them to describe the weather inside their brain instead.

You might just discover the storm had a name all along.

I’d Love to Hear From You

What metaphor has your child or student used that stuck with you?

Let’s build a bank of creative emotional check-ins together.

And if you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, I offer 1:1 guidance to help you support your child with more confidence and less chaos.

Book a consultation here Recommended Resources

To help deepen your practice and support emotional naming with tangible tools, here are some efficient recommendations:

Online Courses Early Childhood Development of Empathy Skills – A free beginner-level course focused on building empathy and emotional intelligence in young children, ideal for educators and caregivers working with preschoolers. Diploma in Emotional Intelligence – A more comprehensive 10–15 hour course that helps you master the skills to understand and manage emotions for both children and adults. Emotion-Regulation Card Decks

These playable, expressive tools are excellent additions to a “feelings toolkit” and pair beautifully with metaphor-based emotional naming.

Self‑Regulation Deck for Kids: 50 Cards of CBT Exercises and Coping Strategies

  A complete toolkit of kid‑friendly exercises to help identify, self‑regulate, and express emotion during big-feeling moments.

Feelings Deck for Kids: 30 Activities for Handling Big Emotions

  Interactive cards that guide recognition of how emotions show up in the body, with playful mindfulness and art-based activities.

Alene’s Emotion and Feeling Flip Book

  A handy flip-book of emotion prompts is perfect for quiet moments in calm-down corners or one-on-one support with neurodiverse learners.

By integrating these tools alongside the metaphor naming trick from the blog, you’ll offer children multiple pathways to articulate, explore, and regulate their emotions, making emotional literacy both engaging and accessible.

If you’d like help choosing the right tools or implementing them with a specific child or classroom, feel free to book a 1:1 consultation with me here.

Click to book here