Saying Yes Too Often? The Real Cost of Overcommitting (And How to Stop Without Guilt)

Ever found yourself agreeing to one more thing, a school project, a meeting, an extra class, a parent call, only to realise your day now ends with cold tea, a pile of to-dos, and your own meltdown brewing quietly inside?

You’re not lazy. You’re not disorganised. You’re overcommitted.

Let Me Tell You a Story…

It was the beginning of summer break, and like any planner-loving, child-centred parent, I pulled out chart paper, colours, sticky notes, and my best intentions. The goal? A summer activity list that was fun, stimulating, and structured for my son with ADHD.

But here’s where it gets messy.

Planning the activities was just the start.

My son wanted me involved in all of them  because doing it “alone is boring, Mommy!”

So I was part dance partner, craft buddy, memory card opponent, and swimming class chauffeur.

Meanwhile, I was also…

Attending a webinar on behaviour strategiesWriting a book review, I had promisedTrying to meet my own personal deadline for a research paperCommitting to daily yoga because, well, self-careMaking the grocery list (and forgetting it at home)Running to the store before the bread ran out  again

Each thing seemed small on its own. But together? They built a mountain. One, I had no rope for.

Why did I say yes to all of it?

Because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

Because I thought, “I should be able to do this.”

Because guilt loves to whisper, “If you don’t, who will?”

But the truth is, every “yes” I offered the world was a silent “no” to myself.

So Why Do We Overcommit?

Primarily, when we work with or care for neurodivergent individuals, the pressure is always on. We become the support system, the safe person, the bridge, the translator, the planner.

We say yes because we want to help.

We say yes because we know the struggle.

We say yes because we think the rest is for later.

But here’s the thing: overcommitting doesn’t make you more helpful. It makes you more exhausted.

And when you’re running on fumes, even your best strategies crumble. The calm tone becomes snappy. The planned activity becomes “just do what you want.” The empathy disappears.

And then we feel guilty again.

What Helps Instead?

Get Comfortable with the Pause

Before saying yes, try saying:

“Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”

That pause alone gives your nervous system time to assess, not just react.

Reframe’ No’ as a Gift

You’re not closing a door. You’re preserving the room inside you to be present where it matters.

Try:

“I’m not able to take that on right now.”“Thanks for asking, but I’ll need to sit this one out.”“I’d love to help another time.”Check Your ‘Why’

Ask:

Am I saying yes out of guilt?

Because I want to impress?

Because I think I don’t deserve rest?

If the answer is yes to any of those, it’s a signal, not a weakness.

Model Boundaries for Neurodivergent Kids

Saying, “I’m too tired to play right now, let’s do something later,” teaches children that rest is a valid option. That saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care, it means you’re human.

Replace ‘To-Do’ with ‘To-Feel’ Lists

Instead of only listing tasks, try this:

Today, I want to feel calm during bedtime.I want to share a laugh with my child.I want to finish this day without resentment.

  This shifts the focus from output to connection.

Final Thought :

Saying no isn’t failing.

It’s choosing what really matters in a world that constantly asks for more.

Burnout doesn’t make you a hero.

Boundaries do.

Want Help Untangling the Overwhelm?

Book a 1:1 consultation with me to explore how you can build sustainable systems, support neurodivergent children with less burnout, and reintroduce peace into your days:

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Tell me in the comments what’s one thing you’re going to say “no” to this week?

Recommended ResourcesBooks“HOW TO MAINTAIN COMPOSURE AROUND KIDS WITH ADHD” by George J. Burks

  A practical guide packed with strategies to set clear boundaries, manage outbursts, and improve emotional communication with your child

“Setting Limits, Revised & Expanded” (2nd Ed.) by Robert J. Mackenzie

  A classic resource offering firm yet respectful boundary approaches for children, wonderful for shadow teachers and parents navigating challenging moments

“Parenting Kids with ADHD: A Beginner’s Guide” by Renato Flauzino

  Provides ADHD-savvy techniques for helping your child self-regulate, stay focused, and flip their “superpower” switch

Why These Matter

These books reinforce the toolkit you’ve been exploring, from saying no without guilt to creating calm, supportive environments for neurodiverse kids. They’re grounded in real‑world examples and strategies you can start using immediately.

Course Suggestions

These courses can support your professional development:

Diploma in Stress Management : practical tools to sustain calm during high-demand days Introduction to Time Management helps you carve out breathing space in your busy schedule.How to Use These ResourcesPair with the Toolkit in This Post: Read about boundary-building, then revisit the chapters or exercises that align with your next step.Create Mini Coaching Sessions: Use concepts from one book or course each week and reflect on how they apply with your child or coachee.Join or Start a Buddy Read Group: Deepen understanding by discussing your takeaways with colleagues or parents.

Integrating these resources alongside boundary skills and self‑care strategies can enrich your journey with neurodiverse families.

Want support tailoring these insights to your real life?

Book a 1:1 session with me to explore how to sustain calm, reinforce healthy boundaries, and boost connection without burning out:

Click here to book