When Your Child Saves Their Worst Behaviour for You: Understanding and Using Behavioural Parent Training

Ever wondered why your child listens to the teacher, follows the rules at school, even smiles at the neighbour… but turns into a tiny whirlwind the moment they see you?

If your answer is a tired, “All the time,”  I hear you. I love this.

So I’m not speaking from a textbook. I’m writing this after convincing my son for the third time this morning that toothpaste is not, in fact, optional.

The “Good-for-Others, Wild-at-Home” Mystery

Let me tell you a story.

A few months ago, my son’s teacher called me after class. “He was so focused today,” she said. “He waited his turn, answered questions, and even helped a classmate pack up. You should be proud!”

And I was. Until five minutes after school, when he refused to wear his shoes, declared that sandwiches were “a betrayal of real food,” and had a meltdown because I walked too slowly for his liking.

Sound familiar?

Many parents – especially those raising neurodivergent children – experience this confusing divide between “school behaviour” and “home behaviour.” It’s not that your child is manipulating you, or that you’re not trying hard enough. It’s actually quite the opposite.

Your child trusts you enough to unravel in front of you.

Home is their safe space, their emotional dumping ground.

But here’s where things get tricky:

We begin to think we’ve failed.

We respond emotionally.

We try new techniques every day, each lasting about as long as a bubble.

So… What Is Behavioural Parent Training?

Here’s where Behavioural Parent Training (BPT) steps in.

Now, don’t let the name intimidate you. This isn’t boot camp. There’s no yelling, chart obsession, or punishment protocols involved. At its heart, BPT is about teaching you, as a parent, caregiver, or even a shadow teacher, how to see behaviour not as a personal attack, but as communication.

Through simple, structured strategies, it helps you:

Understand why a behaviour is happeningRespond in a way that builds connection, not conflictReduce outbursts, increase cooperation, and bring back some joy to daily routines

It’s like being handed the instructions for a puzzle you’ve been trying to solve by shaking the box.

Here’s What Most People Don’t Know…

Most children don’t generalise skills across environments. That means the lovely routine that works in school might completely collapse at home unless we intentionally support it.

BPT isn’t just about your child. It’s about equipping you to model calm, hold boundaries, and reinforce the behaviours you want to see without feeling like you’re constantly firefighting.

It empowers teachers, shadow educators, and parents alike to move from chaos to clarity.

A Personal Glimpse

Sometimes, my son still negotiates like a little lawyer.

But now, instead of arguing over every “no” or bribing with screen time, I have a plan.

I use visuals. I give choices. I hold boundaries with warmth. I reinforce the good stuff.

He’s the same child. But our relationship is softer. Safer. Stronger.

If You’re Thinking, “I’ve Tried Everything…”

You probably have. And you’re probably exhausted.

However, chances are that you’ve been trying in the dark without the correct map.

Behavioural Parent Training doesn’t promise perfection. It promises progress.

It says: let’s do less reacting and more responding. Let’s stop guessing and start understanding.

If you’ve ever whispered to yourself, “I love my child… but I’m losing my mind,”  you’re not alone. And there is help.

Drop a comment below if you’ve lived this experience. Let’s talk about it, without shame.

And if you’re ready to explore personalised support, you can book a 1:1 session with me right here:

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Because your child doesn’t need a perfect parent. Just a supported one.

Recommended Resources to Support Your BPT Journey

As you work to bring calm, consistency, and connection into your home, the following books and free online courses can be invaluable companions, whether you’re a parent, teacher, educator, or caregiver.

Helpful Books Taking Charge of ADHD – This classic guide combines research-backed strategies with empathy and humour, offering realistic tools for structure, motivation, and collaboration with kids who have ADHD. Parenting Children With ADHD – Focused on communication, emotion coaching, and routines, this practical handbook complements the behavioural parenting approach beautifully. Free Online TrainingDiploma in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy  – Learn how to identify and restructure thought patterns, and use problem-solving strategies with children to developfoundational skills in guiding responses instead of reacting. Positive Parenting Skills and Techniques – Covers setting boundaries with warmth, reinforcing positive behaviour, and using behaviour as a form of communication concepts in BPT. Diploma in Organizational Behaviour – Offers insights into the ABC model (Antecedent–Behaviour–Consequence), chaining, visual supports, and other behaviour-shaping strategies that enhance consistency across home and school. Visual Support Tools2-in-1 Visual Routine & Behaviour Chart – A physical chart that combines visual routines and reward tracking,ideal for children who benefit from structure and visual cues. Oxford Cloth Daily Schedule Pocket Chart – Affordable and customisable, perfect for transitioning between activities and reducing power struggles around transitions. How These Fit into BPTResourceBenefitsBooksCombine empathy with structure to create insightful guides that put strategies into action.CoursesTeach you to read body language as a form of communication, use structured responses, and maintain your composure.ChartsProvide visual consistency that supports generalisation between home and school.

Whether you’re a shadow teacher needing classroom structure, a parent juggling various environments, or someone missing physical tools, these recommendations align with BPT principles, emphasising behaviour as communication, reinforcing positives, and utilising visuals and routines.

If you want help picking the right mix for your child’s unique strengths, feel free to message me or book a 1:1 consultation here:

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Support doesn’t look like perfection. It seems like progress.