Two Regular Guys Who Actually Kissed

...to be in a state of pure consciousness—satori—is to be with God before he said, “Let there be light”.  I thought it might be a good thing to hold back this light from you—till you were able at least to conceive a state of being where the mind knows the source of all light.--J.D. Salinger, in his book, FRANNY AND ZOOEY  

I received a letter from my cousin Edna Garcia-Maestas who lives in Santa Fe, NM.  She wrote it the day after Jack & Gloria’s 25th Wedding Anniversary (June 27, 1999).   

Michael, 
Mon. June 28, 1999 

Like other times... I wrote you and didn't mail it. As we write, you will learn more about me. I think about you often, but I don't write often! It's not that I don't have much to say, I just don't have time to say it. 

Rickie’s been out of school for about a month and has taken swimming lessons every day. I was a craft leader for Vacation Bible School—ages 7, 8, and 9 this year. I stayed busy preparing and conducting the crafts instruction. 

Rickie goes to Tae Kwon Do 2X a week. We have 2 rabbits, 2 dogs, and one tadpole. We planted a veggie garden and miscellaneous flower plants. 

Rickie is in a reading club at the library, and he goes there every week. We painted his room. We went to the Santa Fe Rodeo. I try to get 2 aerobic classes a week for myself and whew, I avoid some of it! Ha Ha. 

My Aunt Rosabel (my dad’s sister) broke her hip, so I try to stay in touch with her. My neighbor and I try to visit and have coffee or tea and share something we've baked. 

I have a friend (my ex-boss's wife) who comes over, and we try to fit in something into our busy schedules. 

Then I'm the church secretary, and I have to keep up with meetings, minutes, etc. 

I'm still mediating (parent/teen) with the N.M. Center for Dispute Resolution and trade services with Tae Kwon Do for Rickie's tuition. 

My grandma’s here in "La Residencia," so I make time for her once a week. 

Let me tell you, when I fall asleep at night, I consider it a true blessing. 

We want to go to our cabin this 4th of July. I hope so… life slows down in the country. 

Michael, we will be in San Francisco at the San Francisco Marriott, July 7th - July 11th. Actually, we leave July 11th. I'm excited, having never been to San Francisco and hearing so much about it. We're in the process of scheduling a couple of tours. 

My dad is doing fine, and so is everyone else. 

My mom’s only brother (my uncle) died about a month ago, and so did my husband’s niece (1 ½ years old). 

That’s always sad for us because we can relate so well to their pain and loss. 

Michael, I really want to send this letter out, so I'm ending it so I don’t leave it half-finished. 

God Bless You and thanks for being such a great cuz. I miss seeing your smile. 

Edna 

I was still in Alameda and mom, and I went to lunch with Lauren and Leigh to DELMONICO’s on Monday afternoon, June 28, 1999.  The girls are so sweet and smart, too.   

Mom made me a jerk chicken dinner with her sweet rice for dessert.  I had to fly back to Los Angeles on Tuesday morning, June 29th.  I started writing more into my scrapbook/journal diary on June 30: 

8:45 AM, 6-30-99 

Jack & Gloria gave me this cute note on Father's Day. It stressed my impact on the lives of Lauren & Carrie Freiman. I thought it was a sweet thing for them to do, as they always do sweet things. 

This postcard I picked up at the Sunset Laemmle Theater in West Hollywood when Alan & I & John Tuzziano went to see The Ideal Husband. 

The guy in the center of the card looked so familiar to me & only now do I recognize that he was in the film The White Squall. He’s the one who shot the innocent dolphin & had the poor relationship with his father. 

Café La Bohème revisited. 

Alan & I met our Golden Door pal, Dan Cuevas, here for dinner. It was quite cute that we all ordered filet mignon. 

Alan & Dan shared a link in that they both have business partners that they both cannot stand.  Alan only has Wilshire Plaza as the link to his partner, Art, now.   I think he really can't wait until it's over. 

Dan Cuevas owned a few furniture stores & is an interior designer. He’s going to look at our condo at 66 Leonard #10A in Tribeca, NYC & give us some design ideas! He’s really a nice fellow... a bit on the “OBV” side— “OBV” means he’s so obviously gay. 

6/30/99 - 9:45 PM 

Well, this photo is of 3 of my nieces & my only nephew. They’re here in the backyard of their home at 328 Magnolia Drive. 

(From left to right) Ashley Armijo is the eldest. From my most recent visits, she’s the most spoiled by my mother! 

My mom referred to Ashley as her companion. She’s into music—CDs + NSYNC (the band) these days. She’s also into her SVH (Sweet Valley High) books. 

I got a distinct feeling that she was very jealous of my presence there at mom’s. Ashley didn’t even really talk to me or look me in the eyes all that night. I was disappointed. She’s also the most “in need” of exercise! 

Holly is a true sport. I really felt a sense of comradery with her. She’s so athletic & worthy & has a great personality. She only needs better polishing in her reading skills & cultural event experiences. She enjoyed the SF Museum of Modern Art once it was all over. I do think she got something out of it. 

Ally reminded me of a mini-Ashley in many ways. She holds a sort of partly uncalled-for attitude. 

Dylan is still young, but he needs a lesson in manners too. Still, I love 'em all very much. 

6/30/99 - 10 PM 

So, who’s this? Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest? 

John Tuzziano sent me this postcard & of course, I chuckled at first glance. 

I should call my mom. When I visited home this last weekend, her kitchen sink faucet had a recurring drip that wouldn’t stop. So, we went to Home Depot to buy a replacement faucet. 

Alan bet my mom $16.00 that I couldn’t put it on! I admit that I didn’t even try. I probably could have done it, but mom said, “Tony was going to be there tomorrow or so anyway.” So, I was hoping he'd just put it together.  I guess if it doesn’t work out with my brother Tony, the so-called PLUMBER will be the next to fix it. 

My mom is so cute sometimes—I miss her! I’m glad I expand my horizons & get her to come to L.A. now & again. 

I was surprised to receive this mini-email printout from Chad Mark Glen who I knew from my gym (we had a short-term relationship).  He was difficult. 

 
From: Chad Mark Glen  
Subject: [Fwd: Suntan] 
Date: Wed, 23 Jun 1999 12:33:00 -0700 

"Here is what the Los Angeles men look like from watching episodes of Baywatch being taped." 

Funny...the caricature looks a little like Chad. Ha-ha. 

Oh well—I never watch Baywatch, so this certainly does not apply to me. 

NOW IT'S YOUR TURN to feel stronger, healthier, and more energetic than ever! 

How’s this for inspiration to do my abdominal exercises? I get a kick out of these before & after shots. When I went to my mom’s, I did my ab exercises that I learned at The Golden Door. 

The key is to never give up & to realize that great bodies don’t just happen. You have to work for them. In fact, you have to work very, very, very hard for a hard body! 

I took my nieces Ashley, Lauren, Leigh & Holly to San Francisco to the new 4-level Metreon Center. 

We saw BIG DADDY (the new Adam Sandler film). It was cute & funny. 

There was a gay male couple that looked like two regular guys who actually kissed on screen. They really put the scene with the picture in a very sympathetic way. That was nice. 

I’m sure my nieces know that I’m gay even though it’s not a subject that we regularly talk about. I’m lucky that they all love me, nonetheless. 

And I enjoy doing things with them like movies, etc. 

I even took Ashley, Holly, Lauren & Leigh to the SF MOMA. 

I think they got something out of it—in the end. I know I did. 

PASSAGE & He Weeps for You were two of the memorable exhibits we saw at the SF MOMA on 6/27/99. 

Upon my return to Los Angeles from my weekend getaway to Alameda— 

I come home to this nice letter from another one of our Golden Door friends, Alberto Andrade. 

He’s really a nice, chubby guy. He’s 48 or so & I guess he’s going to the Golden Door again next year. 

I think Alan & I will do it again as it does remind us to STOP & THINK & really rejuvenate + cleanse! 

I really want to go to The Metreon Center in S.F. again. 

I didn’t explore it enough & I didn’t even get to take my mom there. 

There’s a cool interactive Microsoft exhibit that I really want to explore. 

Well, there’s just more to do & that’s all Alan & I ever do—attend & explore. 

I have a Bar Mitzvah (CHAD HIRSCH) to attend in January 2000 in Lafayette, CA—so I’ll be there then.  Chad is Alan’s nephew by marriage from his first wife. 

And I’m going to Alameda again for Aug 21st for the NSYNC concert with Ashley & Holly. 

That ought to be a very interesting Generation Y experience. 

6/27/99 

Hi Michael, 

I loved the last post card, delicious.  Yes, I would love to accompany you to see a film at the Gay/Lesbian Film Festival.  I can’t wait to go hiking.  My tan is coming along.  Let me know if you and Alan are having a summer Bin Arizona Tuesday through Fraiday and then on a train trip.  P.S.  My family is having a July 4th celebration at thier beach house in San Clemente. Would you rather go there?

John Tuzziano 

6-30-99 

Oh geez—looks like John Tuzziano is here to stay. 

He’s like one of those flies...or moths that you can’t wait to get rid of but can’t.  All you can do is keep the door & window open & hope he’ll fly away on his own. Ha-Ha.  Actually, he’s not that bad but two calls a week & one card/letter a week is too much.  He just really needs his own boyfriend.  He even wants to go hiking with Alan & me. We haven’t invited him yet, but we’re considering it.  I already called him today to tell him we’re not having a 4th of July party & flaked out on the Saturday (4th of July) party in San Clemente. 

He says he’s talking the train there –as if that would entice us. Alas, he means well.  I try to be as polite as I can with him. 

Alan e-mailed this letter to me while I was home in Alameda. I felt a little sad when I read it.  I e-mailed back that I agreed that we need more romance.  I believe ALL relationships go through their peaks & valleys. I think we’re in a valley or a short downhill slope now, but I still want to find the romance. Our romance is not comparable, and it is unique. 

From: alan freiman  
Subject: a few thoughts on a Sunday 
Date: Sun, 27 Jun 1999 18:43:38 PDT 

Dear Michael, 

I spent today cleaning more and more (I filled one garbage can), throwing out stuff from the 1980’s found in the garage (u told me to). 

I took Carrie to see the Daddy movie which we both really liked. Interesting enough, the two guys were "normal" lovers like you and me ha-ha— 

I then continued cleaning and found some old letters that you had written me in the early 1990’s. I then started thinking about the past and how great our relationship is and was. 

It’s been a rough time for me lately. After the East Coast total loss, I have been doing less and less with my life. I wanted to make it simple so I can start over again, I guess. With only one property left, there really isn’t much for me to do at Ten West. I’m also happy that you have been able to start your life over again and enjoy some of the advantages of working for yourself. 

But where does that leave the two of us? Sometimes I feel like we are the best of friends and nothing more. In reading your letters, there was so much passion and romance. I miss it very much. I think that after the kids go to Susan next weekend, we should try to spend as much time alone as we can. I know we do go places together during the day, but we need to rediscover the romance and passion again. 

I want to, do you? 

I wrote ten years ago about a male relationship having the ability for the long term—I told you yes, it did have that chance. We have made it to this point, but I won’t be satisfied with it like other long-term relationships that people have. I want more. I want you all the way and the passion that we are capable of. I believe that we have many more years of great relationship, but we have to work at it. It has to be more than Verona, or the market or being with others. It has to be just you and me. Like the double feature last week. I need you. I hope you can respond. 

Please let me know how you feel with words and true feelings. I need to make real love. I am HOH over you and it hasn’t stopped. 

Well, that’s the serious talk for now. 

love you, alan 

Alan & I did a great job today at the Verona office sending out our quarterly progress reports & letters to our 80 clients.  We have close to 8 million under mgmt. so that’s an average of 1 million per client... not too shabby! 

Alan & I mutually deleted 4 of our Verona companies (Phillip Morris, Texmark, Daimler-Chrysler, Media One) & added 4 new companies = McDonald's, Tiffany’s, Knight Ridder, & Viacom.  We were so happy that today June 30th was a GREAT market day. Which really boosted everyone’s portfolios.  A few of them I still need marked improvement—but when it comes to investing, patience is vital. The worst thing to do is panic. 

Together, Alan & I create a good balance, but sometimes Alan feels so pressured about “performance” from quarter to quarter! We should really look year to year & expertly analyze every 36 months (3 years)! I like the idea of being an owner of my companies. I am a true investor. I do feel guilty when I sell. Most of my sales I have been regrets—even when they are profits taken. Long-term investing is key. 

My cousin, Linda LaToya Korenke, in Idaho Falls, Idaho, sent me this story about the painting of THE LAST SUPPER and Leonardo Da Vinci.  

I find it interesting because anyone can let their life go astray to the negative side. 

We all share everyday problems & issues that can be dealt with—but it is not always easy. 

Henceforth come the gray hairs, the lines on our face, the grimaces vs. smiles. 

It’s important to stay positive & look at the sides of life that make us luckier than the unlucky. 

I saw a license plate from IDAHO today in L.A. & thought of my cousin Linda. 

She’s come a long way in accepting me as a cousin. 

She’s taken the positive side. 

7-1-99 At the Verona Office, 11 AM. 

I have Monica Small coming in today at noon. She took me by surprise with the announcement of her wedding on August 7th in Pebble Beach. 

Gee—the only thing she did not mention is if I'm invited. Oh well—I'm sure it will be fun seeing her today & getting the full story.  Funny how her fiancé is named ALAN. 

Here’s one of my favorite shots that I took of Monica taken on Sunset Blvd on Feb. 6, 1997. 

I love the new ART on the window & the headline on her television magazine which reads: 

"IT’S NOT A BITCH TO SWITCH" 

I guess that could mean a multiple of things. 

I just got off the phone with Ashley, my niece, to inform her of WWW.GETGOOEY.COM, a sort of universal chat room via any website.  We seem on good terms.

  ‘Oh yes, she was extraordinarily beautiful in his eyes; if he had passed her on a busy Manhattan street, he would surely have turned his head, even, perhaps, followed her into Bendel’s or Botticelli before he lost her in a swelling crowd; what else does one do with that kind of fantasy?’== Eric Van Lustbader, in his 1980 book, THE NINJA