A Boy Named Kelsey

My fist got hard and my wits got keen,

-       Johnny Cash, "A Boy Named Sue"

My name is Kelsey and I'm a dude.

I watch football.

I have more than my share of chest hair — a result of always obliging when someone told me, "Here son, eat this. It'll put hair on your chest."

I think someone should invent cologne that smells like campfire or salty sea air.

I cry once every few years. But if you saw me crying, I would...