Day three of our wellbeing alphabet. The letter C – for comfort

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Hello my lovelies and let me share the simplest idea with you.

I WAS thinking of writing about C for chips, but maybe another day. Comfort. I have found that, in difficult situations or just as part of caring for me, it’s helpful to attend to comfort. I know that is going to vary because you may be living with chronic pain or illness, so I suppose I need to qualify what I write with explaining that my approach provides optimal conditions for me. Also, I want to say something about things that are comforting, as well as approach the word ‘comfort’.

So, I have a very bright crochet blanket that I like too have with me, where it’s possible. I have it because a kind person made it especially for me when I was at an absolute low. I put it over my legs and feet. I have a little spiky ball which I enjoy rolling on the soles of my feet, and, since my teens, I’ve invariably had a little bottle of lavender oil with me or maybe a tissue with a few drops of lavender on it. I also have a pot of tiger balm with me, which seems to last for years. These are things for being at home but also travel or being elsewhere. If I am feeling a bit nervous, I do enjoy using earplugs – I like the ones made by Loop. You can get ones that block out sound and ones that act more as a filter. An eye mask if I need to withdraw for a bit. These are all things that bring me back to myself a bit and give me a feeling that I am looking after myself, but it doesn’t matter what those things are; it’s a question of what they afford you.

Things that are comforting.

I have pictures of my cats on my phone and roses I grew. It doesn’t matter what the images are of, because it’s whatever brings you comfort. I am a massive bookworm, so I am frequently comforted by books insofar as I become really absorbed by them. I like to read aloud to myself if the language is particularly beautiful and quite frequently read poetry aloud: you can feel it too. I think romance with a happy ending is a wonderfully cheering thing to read. It’s not usually my first thing, but there are times when that’s what I want to read, for escapism and soothing. Flowers, herbs, the sea, birdsong: keep noticing and taking it in.

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More broadly for feeling comforted, I have been training myself to really look at and notice things. To spend time on doing small things for myself, and to self soothe. Breathing well is grand, but because I manage real and scary health things and because of other things in my life, I have adopted a habit of putting my hand on my heart and saying a comforting phrase. Yes, I know it probably sounds a bit naff, but it works for me.

There’s a thing you sometimes hear about letting the good land. Our brains have an entirely understandable negativity bias, because that’s been necessary from an evolutionary point of view. One thing that I find comforting is that there’s work we can do. Our neurons are interesting little guys which can, with a bit of encouragement, start firing about different things. That’s brain plasticity and there is much information out there about this. Psychologist Rick Hanson whom I’ve mentioned before has a lot of free resources here and I suggests you subscribe to the weekly JOT – just one thing – newsletter. Here’s the website. https://rickhanson.com/what-to-do-when-the-bottom-falls-out/? May it bring you comfort.

At the heart of everything I have written is the simple practice of caring about yourself in the first place. Not in an egotistic and self-indulgent sort of way; not by embracing toxic positivity which is, of course, toxic. Just by introducing and doing my best to sustain things that offer my body comfort and which are comforting.

I hope you can do that for you.

All my love,

Anna.