I am a Failure

Sounds strange to say with two published novels, a produced screenplay and two produced stage plays. However, those success stories represent a small fraction of my complete body of work. In much the same way a baseball player is considered successful if he gets a base hit once out of every three at bats, I would be happy if my success to failure ratio came close to that.

When it comes to novels, I have a good batting average. I’ve written two novels and had two published. For that I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Jody Wheeler, my publisher and MFA Screenwriting cohort, for his faith in my writing.

When it comes to screenplays, my batting average falls off a bit. I’ve had one screenplay produced. I’ve written an even dozen. For those keeping track, the produced screenplay was number 10. For that I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Peter C. Godwin, my long time friend, for putting together the financing to make a very uncommercial story into reality.

Add to the mix is a fair number of spec TV episodes, one act plays, TV pilots and treatments. I wish each were successful but some things were not meant to be.

It is fair to say I’ve had far more failures than successes.

I do believe there are some writers who are simply blessed. They have a natural innate talent that fosters early success. Finding these prodigies are windfalls for agents because their youth promises a long, lucrative career.

But then, there’s the rest of us. Those who spend years honing their craft and developing their voice hoping to get noticed by an industry that is, at best, indifferent.

Failure to generate heat is not the same thing as failure to be a writer. You can’t be afraid of failure. Every finished script, every finished story teaches you something. Putting it out on the market and receiving feedback is gravy.

I’m always amazed when I run into someone who insists that their unwritten screenplay is better than my written one. Or, that they could write a much better novel than mine if only they had the time.

Part of the reason why their work is never finished is because of their fear of failure. There is no scarier moment than just before sending a new work out into the market for the first time. You’ve probably had it vetted and critiqued by some close confidants but you have no idea how the market will receive it until it does.

Those who never do will never fail. I suppose they take comfort in that false sense of superiority… like the pitcher who never lost a game because he never left the bullpen. Sure you’ve made it to the big leagues but from here you have to demand higher and more ambitious goals for yourself.

By what yardstick do you measure success? What is the prize? I consider each completed work an accomplishment. If it accurately reflects my sensibilities and taste then I consider it a success. I do have faith that eventually, each work will find its audience. It takes time and patience. In the meantime, I’ll work on something new… and finish that too.

For that, you can call me a failure.

You never failed… can you really call yourself a success?

☒ I am a failure.

☐ I am a success.