If Moms Had IEPs Too: The Support We Never Ask For but Deeply Need

(Spoiler: We need them too.)

“Please remind him to bring his water bottle again.”

“Did you try a new breakfast? He didn’t eat today.”

“He seemed moody—any changes at home?”

I nodded politely, thanked the teacher, and walked to my car with my son’s bag slung across one shoulder and a dozen mental tabs still open.

No tantrum today. No refusal. Just silence. Withdrawal.

I scanned the morning in my head like a surveillance reel:

Did I rush him?

Was the room too noisy?

Did I raise my voice when he spilt the oats?

What didn’t I see?

The guilt loop was back. And loud.

The Silent Mental Load No One Accommodates

Our children often get visual schedules, sensory breaks, emotional support, and rightly so.

They have plans, meetings, and accommodations.

But me?

I was expected to self-regulate through it all—on little sleep, no sick days, and a full emotional inbox.

And the thing is—I’m trained.

I know the theories. I understand behaviour.

But motherhood isn’t a whiteboard.

It’s 7 AM cereal spills, 8 AM school drop-offs, 11 AM guilt spirals, and 4 PM snack battles—all while managing someone else’s dysregulation with grace.

When Grace Ends at the School Gate

Here’s the quiet truth: The accommodations stop where the child ends.

The assumption? You’re the adult. You’ll manage.

And most days, I do.

But some days, I wish for just one person to say:

“Looks like you need some wait time too.”

“Maybe this is your off-day, and that’s okay.”

“Would you like a break before the next meltdown?”

Because we speak so kindly to our kids.

But to ourselves? We’re drill sergeants in yoga pants.

What Accommodations Would Moms Have?

If we wrote ourselves an IEP, here’s what might be on it:

AccommodationWhat It Could Look Like in Real LifeWait TimeTake 5 deep breaths before replying to a tantrum instead of reacting.Visual RemindersSticky notes for the basics: “Water bottle. Snack. Breathe.”Sensory BreaksTen minutes in silence, without noise, screens, or demands.Movement BreaksA solo walk. Dancing in the kitchen. Just moving. For you.Safe SpaceOne person you can text: “Hard day. Just listen.” And they do.Positive ReinforcementA reward system… for you. Tea after bedtime. Chocolate after therapy. A nap.Let’s Do This Together: One Gentle Activity

Here’s an actionable reflection exercise—no printout needed, just your phone or a notebook.

The “Mom IEP” ReflectionWrite down 3 things you do well as a parent. (Yes, you do.)List 2 things that trigger you the most lately.Note 1 support you wish you had (emotional, practical, mental).Ask: “If my child did this daily, would I expect them to manage without help?”Circle the one thing from above you can start accommodating for yourself this week.

Even if it’s just asking for help or saying no without guilt.

You Deserve a Plan Too

This post isn’t just about venting. It’s about validating.

If your child deserves compassion, support, and structure—so do you.

You’re not a machine. You’re the pulse of your home.

And even pulses need to pause.

So, if you’re reading this and nodding quietly—this is your reminder:

You are doing enough.

You deserve support.

You are allowed to accommodate your own human-ness.

Ready for More Personalised Support?

Let’s write your Mom Accommodation Plan together.

Book a 1:1 session with me here

You’re not alone. You’re just unheard of far too often. Let’s change that—together.

Recommended Resources for Mom AccommodationsStructured Planners for Daily Support The Ultimate Planner for Moms: Chaos Out, Calm In : A beautifully designed planner with templates to help you organise your day, track self-care, and reduce overwhelm. IMPLAC Day Planner for Working Women & Mothers : A compact, purpose-built planner ideal for keeping tabs on kids, home and personal goals all in one place.

Both planners encourage reflection and visual organisation—key for building your Mom IEP routine.

Self-Care & Stress Management Reads Stopping Stress Before It Stops You: A Game Plan for Every Mom : Offers humour-filled guidance and practical solutions to help manage daily stressors—excellent for moms juggling emotional load and life demands.

These books model for us how to create gentle accommodations in our own schedules.

Online Learning: Free ADHD & Parenting Courses ADHD in Child Development : A deep dive into ADHD symptoms, subtypes, and evidence-based supportive strategies. Great for understanding your child—and yourself—as you craft accommodations sets. General Parenting Courses : Covers neurodiversity, emotional support, and practical parenting skills suitable for busy moms who want ongoing learning at no cost.

These courses provide knowledge and confidence that feed directly into your self-advocacy and self-care plans.

How to Use These in Your Mom Accommodation Plan:Start with a planner to visually organise your week and fit in “mom breaks” and reminders.Read or circle stress-management tools you want to try this week.Enrol in a course like ADHD in Child Development—even one module can shift your perspective and boost self-compassion. Final Thoughts

Tools, books, planners, and courses can be powerful allies—but they become magic when paired with the mindset behind this post: moms deserve their own accommodations, too.

If you’re ready to translate insight into a custom plan, I’d love to help.

Book your 1:1 session here

Let’s build your personal Mom IEP together

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