sometimes, talking to Allah feels exhausting, i just need someone here to hear me.
I was on the balcony of my house when I felt tired of praying to Allah.
It was like…
When I talked to Allah about my problems, sometimes, just sometimes, I felt exhausted. Because I said all the words with no replies. No immediate response. No comforting words I could hear. No reactions. Just silence. Just me and my voice fading into the night.
But when I talk to a friend, at least, I know I’m heard. I can listen to their voice, their advice, their response — that alone makes me feel less alone.
When I talk to Allah, I don’t get any physical comfort. No hand will hold mind. No body will hug mine.
But when I talk to a friend, at least, I can get a hug, I can have my hand held. Someone is physically there for me — that alone makes me feel less alone.
It’s not that I hate praying to Allah. I don’t. I just… I want someone here to hear me. A human presence. A listener that I can see with my eyes. A supporter that I can feel his or her presence.
But, one night, I realized something…
Yes, talking to a friend feels nice.
It’s like pouring water into dry soil. You are the dry soil. Your friend is the water. And, yes — it feels relieving. Suddenly, your heart softens.
But…
Will that soil stay moist forever?
Will it not dry up again tomorrow?
It’s fast, it’s instant.
But does it last?
Meanwhile, talking to Allah is like planting a seed in that same quiet soil. Your prayers are the seeds. They don’t sprout right away. You don’t see results yet — because they’re still hidden, still growing underground, strengthening the roots.
But they are working. They are moving. They are getting closer to the surface, to finally be seen.
And when they finally bloom, they may not be mere flowers. They may become tall trees with fruits. Ones that give shade for years down the road.
Yes, talking to Allah doesn’t give me immediate feedback. It teaches me something else: How to manage my expectations. How to accept what I can’t control. How to value the process. How to breathe through the waiting.
And talking to people? Yes — I get feedback right away. But sometimes the feedback sounds like:
“Just be patient.”
“Stay strong.”
Or some motivational words I didn’t really want to hear.
Because maybe, just maybe, I don’t want advice. I just want someone to hear me.
But here’s what I might forget:
Talking to Allah is being heard at its core.
Because when I whisper my prayers on a lonely night, no one interrupts me. I don’t need soothing words. I don’t need a warm hug. And still — my tears begin to fall. My heart softens. And even though the answers haven’t appeared yet…
something is happening;
something is unfolding.
It’s on its way to me. To you, too.
Like a seed beneath the ground, it’s moving, it’s growing, it’s drawing near.
Hi, thank you for reading the whole thing, and, hi, it’s me, Alvi Syahrin, the author of ‘insecurity is my middle name‘, ‘loneliness is my best friend‘, ‘overthinking is my hobby, and i hate it‘, ‘sorry, my younger self, i cant make you happy… but i will‘. For now, it’s only available in Indonesia (and, sometimes, in Malaysia), but I hope it can be anywhere in this world… especially in your bookshelf. :)
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