“He’s Just Being Difficult”: The Dangerous Myth We’re Still Spreading About Autism

“He’s not autistic. He just wants attention.”

Those words stung.

I heard them in passing—from a well-meaning teacher talking about a boy who sat in the corner, covering his ears, humming to himself while the classroom buzzed with activity. He wasn’t harming anyone. He wasn’t disrupting the class. But he was different. And that, for many, was enough to dismiss his experience as bad behaviour.

I’ve learned that behind every behaviour is a message. But unfortunately, this one myth keeps getting in the way:

“Autistic kids are just being difficult.”The Myth That Won’t Die

Here’s the problem: labelling autistic behaviours as “naughty” or “attention-seeking” is not just outdated—it’s dangerous.

It leads to:

Children are misunderstood and isolated.Teachers and caregivers often miss the early signs of real needs.Families blame themselves instead of supporting their children.Autistic kids learn early on that the world isn’t built for them.

Behaviours like hand-flapping, avoiding eye contact, repeating phrases, or needing routines aren’t signs of disrespect or defiance. They’re coping tools. Communication styles. Anchors of comfort in an often overwhelming world.

A Personal Lens: What Kuku Taught Me

My son Kuku doesn’t have autism—he has ADHD—but I’ve noticed how quick people are to label any child who behaves “differently” as difficult. Before starting a task, Kuku dances sings, and even twirls around. It’s his way of focusing. A reset. A rhythm his brain understands.

But we’ve had days where even that small joy is met with sighs or stares.

“Can’t he just sit still?”“You’re too soft on him.”“Other kids don’t do this.”

These comments aren’t unique to ADHD. They echo across classrooms and homes where autistic children live, learn, and try to be themselves.

What’s Actually Going On?

What we often call misbehaviour is usually:

A way to regulate sensory overload.An attempt to communicate feelings with limited tools.A strategy to gain predictability in an unpredictable environment.

And guess what? Autistic kids aren’t trying to give us a hard time. They’re often having a hard time themselves.

What Can We Do Instead?

Here’s the good news: we can unlearn the myth and help others do the same. We can start today—with a shift in perspective and a dose of curiosity.

1.    Assume Positive Intent

Instead of “What’s wrong with this child?”, try:

“What is this child trying to tell me?”

2.    Observe Without Judgment

Behavior is data. Look for patterns. What happens before the behaviour? What helps? What makes it worse?

3.    Model Empathy Out Loud

Say things like:

“It looks like you’re having a hard time. I’m here.”“Let’s take a break together.”“I see that spinning is helping you feel calm.”

Even if the child doesn’t respond right away, your words build trust.

4.    A Simple Activity: “The Behavior Decoder”

Choose one moment in your day when a child behaves in a way that feels confusing.

Write down:

What happened right before the behaviour?What might the child be feeling or needing?How did you respond?What could you try next time?

Doing this regularly will help you spot patterns and respond more compassionately.

Final Thoughts

Autism isn’t bad behaviour. It’s a different way of experiencing the world. When we shift from correction to connection, we stop trying to change children—and start changing the environment around them.

Let’s stop spreading myths. Let’s start building understanding.

Have you ever caught yourself believing this myth? Or heard someone else say it? Share your experience in the comments. Let’s talk. Let’s grow.

Need support navigating behaviours, parenting, or classroom inclusion?

Book a 1:1 consultation here

Together, we’ll build a space where all children feel seen, safe, and celebrated.

Recommended Resources for Supporting Neurodiverse Children

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Sensory Toys

Engaging sensory toys can help children with autism and ADHD manage sensory input, reduce anxiety, and improve focus. Here are some top-rated options:

Livond Calming Sensory Toys (3-Pack Liquid Motion Bubbler Timers) These visually stimulating timers can help soothe and focus children.Wembley Busy Board Activity Binder: A soft felt binder with various activities to enhance fine motor skills and creativity. Sawkirp Darshraj Stretchy String Unicorn Toys Colorful, stretchy strings that provide tactile stimulation and stress relief.Free Online Courses

Enhance your understanding of autism spectrum disorder with these comprehensive, free courses:

Introduction to Autism Awareness and Support : Learn about Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), its signs, and supportive strategies to assist individuals effectively. Understanding the Autism Spectrum Disorder Delve into the psychology of autism and explore ways to support children in coping with its symptoms. Autism Spectrum Disorder in Early Childhood Focuses on the characteristics of ASD in young children and strategies for early intervention.

These resources can serve as valuable tools in creating an inclusive and supportive environment for neurodiverse children.

If you need personalised guidance or have specific concerns, please feel free to book a one-on-one consultation here. Let’s work together to support every child’s unique journey.