Who Knows Where
“Later, I discovered there were different types of roads. And a different way of walking on each.” --Rohinton Mistry, A FINE BALANCE Autumn 1998 continued...
Journal by Alan Freiman:
Saturday, 10/3, 6:30AM
I left L.A with this terrible cold/flu. I made it through the 2-flights okay, sneezing and coughing. After the nap in the hotel, I managed to make it through the day and had a great time at night. As we approached CLUB HEAT aka EXIT, I saw this guy standing outside who looked like he worked there. I asked him, “Where can we get some hash?”
He answered, “Go to a coffee shop and ask for a menu.”
He and his dark-haired Newport Beach California business associate took us to THE OTHER SIDE COFFEESHOP. Michael was now in total control. You know it’s tough to always take control of situations. With me feeling sick I just followed Michael around. He was quite organized and knew his way around the city of Amsterdam. So, Michael and Joe bought hash while I was talked to Cassandra. Joe showed us how to roll the hash like a joint and smoke it. We left after a half hour and walked back to the Club. Michael, as usual, was smooth and flirtatious, telling both that their hair looked good, so they’d feel good.
We were now ready to enter CLUB HEAT and experience an Amsterdam Club. We stayed for 2-hours or 120 minutes of total excitement. But after walking in we decided to hang out by the dark steps, smoking our drugs. We got matches and continually tried to light it and smoke it. We both didn’t feel stoned at this point but maybe we were. The upstairs opened and we sat down by an ashtray and put our ‘hash’ cigarette in the ashtray, trying to breathe in the fumes. Did it work? I think so. During the next 90-minutes we listened to the great upbeat music and had two Amsel Light top-of-the-line beers. We cruised the multilevel, multi-lit bar. We only spoke to one guy, an Irish fellow who gives the Irish a bad name (ugly) even though he rubbed his hard one against me.
Michael says, “I have never been in a darkroom.”
But he certainly enjoyed walking and stopping through it. At one point we saw three of the dancers getting ready to put on their show. One with dyed blond hair showed his butt for all to view. The tall German hunk was Ok in his briefs.
There seemed to be three tiny rooms in the maze of the darkroom that led to a restroom. Each of the rooms had a theme. One had little glory holes in the wall, another had a total glory hole in the wall, and the third had equipment that we saw in the constant videos throughout the bar. I entitle the videos, “Butt Surgery”. Michael says the equipment in the third room is called “The Sling”.
My words, the next morning:
10/3 7:05AM:
Still in Room 116 at the Amstel Intercontinental Hotel
Alan is getting ready for breakfast now. I wanted to do a morning Health Club visit but it’s not open until 8AM, so that will have to be put on hold. Breakfast availability was at 7AM. Good!
I see Alan documented our experiences at EXIT or CLUB HEAT from last night. All I can say is Alan said, “We didn’t do anything wrong.” However, some of those ‘wander throughs’ in those upstairs darkrooms were quite risqué. I lost Alan only once, but I surprised him by grabbing his tush to reassure him that I didn’t venture off to ‘who knows where’.
The first night out in an Amsterdam Club will remain as Nat King Cole would say, “Unforgettable”. Some things are better left unwritten or unsaid. 6pm, October 3, 1998, Room 116, Amstel Intercontinental Hotel:
Saturday morning began with a beautiful canal view and continental breakfast right here at our hotel. It was 7AM and we were the only ones in the delectable dining area. Alan totally agreed with my one-word description of this hotel: “Presidential!”
WE tried it again. We took our rental car and drove (well, Alan did the driving as I navigated) to several Amsterdam destinations. Our first stop was Anne Frank’s home here while in hiding where she wrote her diary. Then we ventured to the Cental Gronthendel’s Market only to learn that it’s a wholesale marketplace for vendors and we were not permitted inside. Henceforth, we did not get discouraged and we moved along to Rembrandt Park for a brisk walk, taking a few photos, feeling the cool air (“severely cold” as Alan would say). The pores on our faces were naturally being cleaned from the air. After Alan shortened our walk in Rembrandt Park we drove to the Rijksmuseum. We learned that the Van Gogh Musuem was under renovation, but the Van Gogh works held here were on exhibit in the Rijksmuseum. We viewed several paintings at the Rijks and really enjoyed the audio tour of the Van Gogh exhibition. It was magnificent and as always inspired me to do several paintings. I can’t wait to really prioritize my time in being more creative.
We found a ‘Small Talk Cafe’ and share a club sandwich and a Gouda Cheese sandwich. Alan had his Fromin's chicken soup revisited right here in Amsterdam.
At a point of exhaustion we were at the hotel, napping by 2PM. Awaking at 5PM we strolled downstairs for a little late afternoon tea. Alan and I discussed how lucky we are as a couple and how we’ve grown as a couple. We talked about the Yvette’s and Diane’s we know in our lives. I even shared my Lucia Junqueira Franco of Sao Paulo Brazil story and the Craig of Hawaii/Palm Springs conflict/rendezvous. Jeez, the short stories Alan and I can write. It's time for another stroll to our Regulersdwarsstradt street for dinner and maybe a t-shirt, sweatshirt of CD purchase.
June 3, 1999
‘Where I Bought This Book’
This is the start of something NEW. I was inspired by Peter Beard. He was a graduate from YALE UNIVERSITY who left for Africa and very rarely came back to the USA. A few years back I found a postcard of Peter Beard, writing while relaxing inside the mouth of a crocodile. TH\e postcard intrigued me so that I often wondered about Peter Beard. After recently completing George Plimpton’s book about TRUMAN CAPOTE, I was reintroduced to Peter Beard as they were friends. Now, only two days ago I visited THE TIME IS ALWAYS NOW contemporary art gallery at 476 Broome Street in the SOHO area of NYC. I was in awe by the ‘Carnets Africains’ the complete retrospective of photography and diaries of Peter Beard. After seeing his volumes of diaries and selected articles and photos I realized I should and could do something similar. 
Peter Beard has a cult following. I never knew that. It reminds me of my DARK SHADOWS cult followers who loved that gothic soap opera like I did. I can see how and why Peter Beard would be looked upon with fascination. A great place in NYC for scrambled egg whites is THE MERCER KITCHEN. Breakfast is my very favorite meal. We even ate at this place called THE CUPPING ROOM CAFE. The vegetarian egg white omelet is great. We also tried Jerry’s Kitchen a block away from THE MERCER KITCHEN. Id’ never go back. It was not so great. We can’t win them all.
And so, as an inspiration from Peter Beard this book is a sort of beginning for me of contiguous writings, thoughts and reminiscences. I just turned 40 years old on May 26, 1999, and celebrate by birthday at a Villa called The Fairway Manor on the island of Jamaica in the Montego Bay area.
Tonight, I am at the SOHO Grand Hotel in NYC, and I return to Los Angeles tomorrow, June 4th at around noontime.
I sent mom a postcard from THE CUPPING ROOM CAFE:
6-4-99 Hi Mom. I’m here in NY (my last day). I sure had a great Birthday. Wow. 40th Birthday, too. Ha-ha. You know, I’m really 30. Just think, next week I’ll be at THE GOLDEN DOOR in Escondido (near San Diego). That should be interesting—not to mention relaxing. I’m not getting enough email from you! I Love You Anyway. Love, Michael J Armijo
I also send Paloma a couple of postcards:
6-4-99
Hi Paloma,
I was in JAMAICA from y Birthday. Too Fun. Now in NY for a wedding and a little business. I saw a preview of a French film called SITCOM. It looks funny.
Love, Michael
6-4-99
Paloma,
You’re such a sweetie to always remember my Birthday! I love the tape so far. I haven’t heard all the music. I still plan to answer your letter in detail but it’s still drying. It arrived wet as it had endured a thunderstorm. OH well, they can’t all get delivered perfectly. Alan and I are going to the GOLDEN DOOR this week. It’s the number #1 spa since 1988 per Conde Naste Magazine. It’s in in Escondido, near San Diego. I’ll let you know how it is. I ate at VONG’s in NY. Yummy!
Love, Michael
6:55AM, June 4, 1999
It’s packing time. First, Alan, Lauren and I will go for a bit of breakfast (THE CUPPING ROOM CAFE).
Yesterday, Alan and I went to the St. REGIS HOTEL for two glasses of their delicious Chardonnay. It was quite nice. It was one of the few times I felt alone with Alan. It was short-lived because we were meeting Jaan Torv for dinner at SOLERO, a Spanish-style restaurant. It was fun. We had a glass of clear sherry and some tapas at the bar. Jaan told us that his sister, Ana Murdoch, was buying a condo at the old Westbury Hotel which is being refurbished into condominiums. She’s getting the floor below the Penthouse, and we estimate she’s paying a minimum of $4 Million for it. I wish I could afford that one! After dinner at SOLERO, Jann invited us to the Alphabet City area of NYC where we went to THUNDERBIRDS. Upstairs they do small Live-Acts in a sort of lounge setting. It was quite relaxing and non-intimidating. Although the crowd seemed to be on the younger side. The performer was ELVIS SINATRA who lives in Providence, Rhode Island but he performs every Thursday night in June at this so-called place, THUNDERBIRDS.
It’s a whole other world in New York each time you enter a new establishment. Alan and I met Mr. Broadband (ARTHUR MCKINLEY). He is Jaan’s pal at the lounge. He gave us his business card. He’s a VP of Corporate Development for WINSTAR Communications at 230 Park Avenue in NYC. I gave him my business card, too.
Alan and I went out the night of June 1st. That was the night to see a film called EDGE OF SEVENTEEN. It was playing at the QUAD CINEMA, and it was amusing because it took place in 1984 and that was around the same period that I was feeling comfortable about my ‘coming out’ (as gay) myself. The film played songs I love from BRONSKI BEAT and YAZ. I was introduced to both of those groups by a former boyfriend from Sunnyvale, CA named Geroge Jones back in 1982-83. The film felt like a sort of a flashback of my life.
The film GET REAL which we watched in Los Angeles last month (May 1999) was much better in terms of storyline. It was a British film. It reminded me of that book I love called NOW AND THEN by William Corlett. It handled ‘coming out’ in a most caring way.
I found these cards (of a gay John Blair Party) on the Tribeca NYC streets while walking with Alan and Gloria. WE had just looked at condominiums for sale at the NORTH MOORE, 140 Franklin Street. We called it the ALDO as we’ve named it for the AVANTE GARDE Italian architect.
We also saw condominiums for sale at the FISCHER MILLS building and at ‘66 Leonard Street’. We liked Unit 10A at 66 Leonard Street best. We'll see if it comes true as far as buying it. The other flyer I found on the street was of a shirtless guy with the world DRAMA about a Memoria Day Weekend party at the LIMELIGHT on May 30, 1999. We missed it. Thank God!
We had some cool sightings while in NY this week: Actor Lawrence Fishburn at the FELIX RESTAURANT in SOHO, sandwiched between two white girls were “oogling” over him. He played Morpheus in THE MATRIX, the Time-Warner film. I also remember Fishburn as a child actor in the soap opera, ONE LIFE TO LIVE. He is about my age. I also spotted actor Richard Gere unshaven with a plain white baseball cap on Spring Street one night after seeing a play with Alan, Jack and Gloria called AMY’S VIEW, Judi Dench was the star of the play.
Then we saw actor Peter Strauss of the mini-series from the late 1970s called RICH MAN, POOR MAN. He was a couple of urinals away from me at the theater where Alan, Jack, Gloria and I saw THE ICEMAN COMETH. It was too wordy of a play, and it was a story made for an alcoholic. There were some good actors in it: Kevin Spacey, Robert Sean Leonard, Paul Giamatti, Tony Danza and more. Alan and I stayed for all 4 ½ hours of it. What an endurance test that was. Gloria and Jack left after the 2nd intermission, missing the last Act 4 where it was clarified that Kevin Spacey killed his ‘enabler’ and his wife and was set free from his habit of drinking alcohol. It was a strange play. I couldn’t help thinking of my cousin, Cecelia Garcia-Markus, who died of alcoholism poisoning (cirrhosis of the liver) earlier this year. What a shame that so many people knowingly poison themselves. God help them learn to breathe. Some people just need to learn to STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES. Alan stopped to get me this wonderful “I LOVE YOU” card. I got it AFTER my Birthday, too. Alan arranged a beautiful and special trip to Jamaica and Montego Bay. There are plenty of photos and videos to prove the enjoyment of it all. I, especially, liked my Birthday dinner poolside (despite some mosquitoes) with the 3-man reggae band singing OH CHERRY BABY; JAMMIN; RED, RED WINE and more. Nothing beats the tropics. It all happened so fast. We flew out from LA on Saturday, May 22nd for a one-nighter at the W HOTEL on Lexington with all these gorgeous men, wearing black. They were the bell boys and baggage carriers. Alan and I had a postage stamp-sized room but what do you expect for $189 per night? Jack, Gloira and Lauren were there, too—all cramped into one room.
The next day, May 23rd, Sunday we were off to JAMAICA and The Villa Mawr with a Butler named Lloyd, a cook name Grace and a housekeeper named Estelle. They were all so very nice. Susan Freiman and her beau, Jaan Torv, jammed with us in the same van from the Jamaica Airport with our driver, Marvin, who’d been waiting for our arrival.
Villa Mawr was a delightful place to be. I’ll never forget the gorgeous views. I watched MALICE (the movie); played a scrabble game with Jaan, Susan and Gloria; drank enough Jamaican Rum and worked out sufficiently at the Wyndham Hotel.
The scariest event of all was our fisherman excursion boat ride. It’s a joke when you look back now. The white caps in the ocean were the initial warning sign. I had no clue about white caps until I was out there. It means the tides are rough. There were no life jackets on the boat and that was also a warning sign. And in the beginning, when Alan sang the theme song from GILLIGAN’S ISLAND—about how the weather started getting rough—the tiny ship was lost was another warning sign. If not for the courage of the fearless crew the minnow would be lost. The 3-hour tour turned into 45 minutes for us. I stayed at the bottom of the boat, glued to the couch, fearful for my life given that I cannot swim. I thought the boat might tip over. I kept thinking of that terrifying film, based on a true story, WHITE SQALL, of which I muse see again. We have the videotape. Susan went to the upper deck, Alan followed. When Susan came back down, she had to vomit. Then, Alan came down and he had his vomit turn. Figuring you can’t beat ‘em...join ‘em...Gloria reached out for the trash bin for her moment of sea sickness vomit herself. And to think I had four pancakes that morning. Luckily, I did NOT vomit. Gloria said, “Michael, you have a stomach of steel.”
Jaan urged the three fishermen to turn around to take us back to land. Thank God! Of course, Jaan had to go back (alone) with the fishermen for more treacherous seas. I never thought I’d go on a boat again-even an ocean liner CruiseShip but three days later we did take the Calico Sunset Cruise, and it really wasn’t so bad (much calmer). We saw the same NO PROBLEM fishermen boat approaching our sunset sailboat and to our amazement they had caught a huge fish. I believe it was a swordfish. It really was hilarious because when we were on their boat it was so frightening, but the fishermen kept saying, “NO PROBLEM”. It was a problem! We had no luck catching fish that day. We settled for breast of lamb cooked by Grace and that was fine by me.
After three days at VILLA MAWR we moved on down the hill to The Fairway Manor with the staff: Godfrey (aka Becky), Nigel, Angela and Eena. This place was far more superior as Gloria had said. The pool and jacuzzi and open-air setting was simply the ultimate in relaxation. What a special place to go to on May 26, 1999-my 40th year on this earth. The Half Moon Inn resort was truly a gift in itself. What a beautiful place. Again, we took advantage of their fitness facilities. I really felt good about body conditioning maintenance.
By the 29th of May we were headed for NY at the SOHO Grand Hotel. W became more familiar with SOHO. We took the subway and the bus and did plenty of walking. Alan got his hair done by some Japanese guy for the wedding of Michael Epstein and Penny Berns. Michael Epstein is Alan’s first cousin. Michael’s mother, Marilyn, and Alan’s father, Leonard were brother and sister. The wedding was fun. I dance a little with Robin Epstein and Dawn Manning. Alan, Jack and I looked sharp in our tuxedos. Gloria’s hair really came out smooth. She looked great.
And now, it’s all a memory that has passed. Jack and Gloria left NY yesterday for Santa Monica. Alan, Lauren and I are all in-flight and almost back to LaLaLand.
“Always have something to look forward to.”
WE have Michael Freiman’s Bar Mtizvah tmorrow. I don’t know what to make of that event. There’s always so much friction between Alan and his brother, Richard; however, things seem mellow between them right now. Perhaps a new door has opened.
Another door will open and that is THE GOLDEN DOOR where Alan and I will be when we head to Escondido (near San Diego). It’s an escapists resort of which costs $5000 per person for a week of physical activity, massages, facials and hopefully, rest and relaxation.
I am looking forward to THE GOLDEN DOOR, but I can’t help but feel a neglect for my new business, VERONA CAPITAL MANAGEMENT. It’s not that it’s overlooked as we will be networking for new clients, and we are keeping contact with our existing clients via email. In fact, we were in contact with Monica C Webb, a divine client, while we were in Jamaica. I also emailed Helen from NY. We placed some transactions while in NY successfully.
Good old Barry Smolev, called me again. He is high maintenance, and we don’t want him as a Verona client. I dread calling him. I will call him though. I must do it.
June 5, 1999
Alan and I were bullish on the stock ANF: Abercrombie & Fitch. WE both won shares in the company. They have an innovative ad campaign, and we feel the stock will continue to be consistent. It was recently $95 per share and it’s about $82 now. It will be splitting 2 for 1 and once that happens, I can easily see it at $50 (equivalent to $100 now). So, I’ll hold on to my ANF. How ironic that the stock symbol is identical to Alan’s initials ANF: Alan Neil Freiman. We continue to shop at Abercrombie & Fitch whenever we can. We depart for THE GOLDEN DOOR tomorrow and Alan needs to purchase hiking boots. Maybe we will make a pre or post visit to the local Abercrombie & Fitch on the Third Street Promenade.
We went to the morning service or Michael Freiman’s Bar Mitzvah in Agoura Hills, CA today. Alan and I did head out to PEETS COFFEE earlier for our cappuccino and latte with banana nut bread for old times' sake. It’s our regular habit and we hadn’t done it since our return from Jamaica/NY.
Michael Freiman sort of looked the same as I remembered him with his freckled-face and his conniving, sneaky, underhanded smile. All Michael Freiman’s friends had that same short spiked with gel hairdo. It looked kind of funny seeing them all as a carbon copy of each other. Michael’s elder brother, Larry, was so tall. He’s probably about 6 feet 4 inches now. He always seemed to be a swell kind of guy.
Gloria said, “Larry got a 965 on his SAT test and he’s set on the Moorpark Community College.”
It sounds like he gave up hope on his aspirations to go to the University of Nevada or Cornell University for Hotel and Business Management. However, he is so tall and handsome. Tall people are known to be more successful than average. I know he’ll be a success on whatever he goes after.
After the morning service I kind of knew several people but felt rather non-sociable. I was bad during service because I read more than half of the journal my cousin MaryAnn Gheling had written for me.
I received a few more Birthday emails namely from Deanna Campbell, Carol Lucero and Ashley Armijo. The mail from Deanna—on behalf of her husband, Reed—was nice. Reed asked her to send it. I used to work with Reed in San Francisco at Pac Bell Directory until he retired. We’ve kept in touch and her email moved me in that comment where she mentioned that Reed thinks of me as another son. I liked Cousin Carol’s email too—we had dinner together at IL FORNAIO in Pasadena in April while she was here for a convention on Speech Pathology. Ashley’s email was cute. She loves using my mom’s new computer. I thought this was clever of her and added a nice personal touch as she included a cool GEMINI illustration. I hope Ashley pursues writing or something in the Computer Science filed. She is very good at it. Mom says she recently concentrated her efforts on an English paper about ROMEO AND JULIET and received an A+. That reminds me of the wonderful film, SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE. To think they originally wanted Julia Roberts to play Gwyneth Paltrow’s apart as Juliet. Gwyneth went on to win the Academy Award. I can’t see Julia doing the part. I read the journal MaryAnn Gehling sent me from beginning to end. I just tried calling her but there was no answer. I learned that she’s still dwelling on the hurtful parts of her life like when her brother, Dave, died in Vietnam and how she survived breast cancer by way of a mastectomy. All I can do is to continue to try and comfort her. She is happy I am in her life but sometimes other personalities within her come about that I do NOT need.
After Michael Freiman’s Bar Mitzvah it was time for lunch. Susan and Carrie Freiman did not go with us because they were going to the dog cemetery to see their old dog, Sammy. Jack, Gloria, Alan, Lauren and I enjoyed our salad/whitefish sandwich/ bagel and lox with much content. The main topic was Susan wanting more respect from Lauren and Lauren wanting more respect from Susan. It’s an ongoing argument. Lauren and Susan have had extreme differences. Alan hit it right on the button today. Susan sees ‘Alan IN Lauren’ and Susan despises Lauren’s being so outspoken, direct, opinionated an in-control. I guess no one can argue that those are all good qualities to have for a successful life. I just hope Laruen remembers to stop and smell the roses. I don't’ think she needs to be reminded. She’s good at smelling the roses. Alan just left to find some hiking boots. THE GOLDEN DOOR visit is tomorrow. I can’t believe it. It must be as good as it sounds. There’s supposed to be another 38 men there during our weeklong stay. They must be successful to afford the cost. I plan to take advantage of every minute for health and fitness. It’s fun having something to look forward to that has an element of surprise. I sure like the idea of a daily facial and massage. Rejuvenation here I come!
‘He visualized the wide beaches of California spread out in front of him, with pelicans and lifeguards and little kids with plastic pails full of sand.’--Christopher Stanton, in his short story, THE DUKE from his book, THE UNDERACHIEVER
