Could I Be Autistic? A Gentle Guide for Adults Who’ve Always Felt ‘Different’

“Why do I feel like I missed a class everyone else attended?”

That’s what Rina, a mother of two and a brilliant graphic designer, said to me during a quiet moment after one of our parent support group sessions.

She was talking about how hard it was to keep up appearances.

How she rehearsed conversations in her head before parties.

She smiled at the right time and nodded along but felt completely disconnected.

How she needed hours—even days—to recover after a family wedding.

She always thought it was social anxiety. Or being an introvert. Or just being “weird.”

But when her 6-year-old son was being assessed for autism, something shifted.

The psychologist described things like sensory overload, rigid routines, and emotional regulation challenges—and Rina sat there, frozen.

Because she wasn’t thinking about her son anymore.

She was thinking about herself.

The Missed Chapter: Autism in Adults

Let’s be honest—when we talk about autism, we’re often shown images of children, primarily boys, lining up toys or flapping their hands.

We’re not taught to recognise it in grown-ups.

Especially not in women.

Especially not in parents.

Especially not in people who seem like they have it “all together.”

But that’s the thing about masking.

It hides everything—until it doesn’t.

What Autism Can Look Like in Adults (That No One Told Us)

Here are some signs that often go unnoticed in adults, especially women and highly verbal individuals:

Exhaustion from social interactions (even if you’re outgoing)Intense special interests often mistaken as being “obsessed.”Shutting down or “zoning out” in overwhelming situationsMimicking others in conversations or copying social scriptsOverthinking everything—especially after interactionsSensory sensitivities—tags on clothes, bright lights, certain textures or soundsDifficulty with small talk, but deep, meaningful conversations feel naturalStruggles with transitions, even small ones (like switching tasks or routines)Extreme empathy, but feeling emotionally dysregulated or overwhelmed by it

It’s often subtle. But the emotional cost is high.

Why It’s So Easy to Miss

Because most adults with undiagnosed autism have spent decades learning how to fit in.

They become masters of mimicry.

They hold eye contact, even if it burns.

They host birthday parties, even if the noise makes their skin crawl.

They take on jobs, relationships, and roles that don’t align with who they really are—because they’ve been taught to ignore their needs.

And it works… until burnout hits.

Until their child’s diagnosis becomes their mirror.

So, What Now?

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Wait, this sounds like me…”

Let’s pause.

Take a breath.

You’re not broken. You’ve adapted beautifully.

But you don’t need to survive anymore. You can start thriving.

Here are a few gentle first steps you can take:

5 Self-Discovery Prompts to Try This Week

Grab a notebook. Give yourself 10 quiet minutes a day.

When do I feel most like myself?Which situations leave me drained or anxious—even if I “handled” them well?What are my sensory likes and dislikes (sounds, textures, smells)?What did I love doing as a child that I’ve stopped doing?If I didn’t have to “perform” for anyone, what would I change about my routine?

You don’t have to label yourself today.

But you do deserve to explore your truth.

You’re Not Too Much. You’ve Just Been Misunderstood.

At EducateAble, I hold space for stories like yours.

For parents, teachers, professionals—and even little versions of us still healing inside.

If this blog resonated with you or someone you care about, know this:

Support exists. And so does peace.

Feeling seen? Let me know in the comments.

Do you need a safe space to discuss it? Book a 1:1 consult with me here: https://topmate.io/namita_das11.

We’re rewriting the manual together.

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Recommended Resources for Your Self-Discovery Journey

Suppose you’re beginning to explore the possibility of being on the autism spectrum. In that case, these thoughtfully curated resources can support your understanding and personal growth:

Books for Insight and EmpowermentAutism for Adults: An Approachable Guide to Living Excellently on the Spectrum: A comprehensive and humorous guide offering practical advice for autistic adults seeking to navigate life with confidence.Unmasking Adult Autism: Embracing Your Autistic Identity. This transformative toolkit helps you break free from societal expectations and discover your authentic self.Thriving with Autism: A Personal Growth Guide for Autistic Adults Designed to help autistic adults embrace their identity and create a fulfilling life tailored to their needs.

Sensory Tools for Daily Comfort

EZ LIVING Ultimate Sensory Toys for Stress Relief: A set of squishy, stretchy, and tactile playthings designed to provide calming and focus-enhancing experiences for both kids and adults.Infinity Cube Fidget Toy: A compact and portable fidget toy that helps alleviate stress and anxiety, suitable for individuals with ADHD and autism.The Sensory Fidget Worm Toy is uniquely designed to provide sensory stimulation and stress relief, making it an excellent gift for individuals with ADHD and autism.Free Online Courses for Deeper UnderstandingIntroduction to Autism Awareness and Support: This course explores Autism Spectrum Disorder, focusing on person-centred approaches to enhance social and communication skills. Assisting Older Adults with Autism Focused on supporting older adults with autism, this course addresses challenges and strategies for creating nurturing environments.Foundations of Autism Awareness and Support: A comprehensive course covering key autism concepts, communication styles, and inclusive support strategies.

Remember, understanding yourself is a journey. These resources are here to support and guide you every step of the way. If you need personalised assistance or have questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out for a one-on-one consultation. Book a Session