The Hidden Cost of Saying Yes: How Boundaries Help Us Raise Happier Kids (and Protect Ourselves)

It started with a broken spoon.

My son—bright-eyed, full of emotion—refused to eat because I used the wrong spoon. It was blue, not the usual red. A meltdown brewed, fast and furious.

So, I switched it.

“Yes, baby. Let’s use the red one.”

Minutes later, I said yes again… to reheating food, playing his favourite song for the fourth time, and cancelling my call with a parent group because he needed me.

By evening, I was drained. Not just tired—emptied out. And that night, as I sat folding laundry at midnight, I realized something:

I say “yes” a lot.

But it rarely feels like a win.

And in that moment, I whispered aloud:

“Yes. Worse for women.”

The Invisible Load of Yes

If you’re a mom—especially one raising a neurodiverse child—you might already know this dance.

We say yes to:

Avoiding meltdownsKeeping routines “just right”Managing everyone’s emotions (while ignoring our own)Staying patient even when we’re cracking inside

We don’t just carry our children’s big feelings—we absorb them.

And the cost? Our own boundaries, friendships, identities… and sometimes, our joy.

Why “Yes” is Heavier for Women

Here’s the truth: saying yes isn’t always about generosity. Often, it’s about fear.

Fear of triggering a meltdown.

Fear of judgment — from teachers, relatives, even strangers at the grocery store.

Fear of not being a “good enough” mom.

Over time, we begin to equate “yes” with control. But what we’re really doing is losing control of ourselves.

I’ve seen how this constant “over-accommodating” feeds into:

Parental burnoutResentment and guilt cyclesA lack of emotional resilience — in both parents and kidsWhat Our Kids Actually Need

They don’t need us to say yes all the time.

They need:

Clear boundaries that teach predictability and safetyLoving redirections that model self-regulationCaregivers who are calm because they’ve cared for themselves, too

That “yes” becomes meaningful when it’s a choice—not a habit driven by panic or people-pleasing.

Try This: The “YES–NO–CHOICE” Activity

Here’s something that works beautifully with my own son (and in many homes I work with):

The YES–NO–CHOICE Game

Use this during moments of refusal, meltdown, or indecision.

Let’s say your child doesn’t want to clean up toys. Instead of going into a power struggle:

“YES, I know you want to keep playing.No, we can’t leave the toys out forever.You get to CHOOSE—do we clean up with the timer or a clean-up song?”

Why it works:

Acknowledges the child’s feelings (YES)Holds your boundary (NO)Empowers them with a sense of control (CHOICE)

And for you? It creates space to say YES to your own regulation without guilt.

A Note to You, Mama

You are allowed to pause.

You are allowed to say, “Not right now.”

You are allowed to protect your peace—because a calm, connected caregiver is the best gift a child can receive.

“Yes” isn’t bad. But it shouldn’t be automatic.

Let’s raise our children… without erasing ourselves.

Tell me in the comments: What’s one “yes” you gave this week that overwhelmed you?

If you’re navigating the tricky emotional load of parenting a neurodiverse child and need support in setting boundaries with love, I’d love to help.

Click here to book a 1:1 session with me – You don’t have to do this alone.

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Recommended Resources for Empowered ParentingNo Labels Here: A Day-to-day Guide for Parenting Children with Neurodiverse Needs This practical guide offers daily strategies for parents navigating the complexities of raising neurodiverse children. It provides insights into managing routines, understanding behaviours, and fostering a supportive environment. Your Neurodiverse Child: How to Help Kids With Learning, Attention and Neurocognitive Challenges Thrive An insightful resource that delves into helping children with learning and attention challenges. It offers evidence-based strategies to support your child’s growth and development. Keeping Families Safe on Social Media: A Digital Parenting Guide to Protecting Neurotypical and Neurodiverse Children Online In today’s digital age, this guide provides essential information on safeguarding your children online. It covers setting boundaries, understanding online risks, and promoting healthy digital habits. Parenting at the Intersections: Raising Neurodivergent Children of Color This book addresses the unique challenges faced by parents raising neurodivergent children of colour, offering culturally sensitive advice and support strategies.Navigating the Neurodiverse World of Your Autistic Child: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding and Advocating for a Child on the Spectrum is A comprehensive guide that helps parents understand autism and provides tools for effective advocacy and support for their children.

These resources are tailored to support you in setting healthy boundaries, understanding your child’s unique needs, and fostering a nurturing environment for you and your child.

Need Personalized Support?

If you’re navigating the emotional complexities of parenting a neurodiverse child and seeking tailored strategies, I’m here to help.

Book a 1:1 Consultation with Me .

Let’s work together to create a balanced and fulfilling parenting journey.