Sparrow on the Balcony Railing

Sparrow on the Balcony RailingText within this block will maintain its original spacing when publishedStuck flapping chaoticallywhen I gently pulled him from the sticky messHeld him warm soft I placed him in a white flower boxfilled with dead stems dry soilcould then wash my handsbefore reachinga shelter finding it wasbird repellent should be called bird killerI had only faint hopethis sparrow would survivegiven my twenty minutes tryingto rid my hands of that gummy messI called the SPCA wildlife lineTrying my bestWhen I left the sinkmy hosts told me the bird was goneBut then I saw himflapping uncomprehendinglywent out picked him up againwanting to set him in placewanting to cover himHe was frantic with gluey wingsspilled over the railing goneOnce again I washedmy sticky fingersthinking of the bird maybelaying broken eight storeys downmy chance of finding himunlikely I had not succeeded in savingthe sparrownot succeeded in giving him a good deathIt made me wonder about theword repellentand the viscosity ofmeaning

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Carolyne Van Der Meer is a Montreal journalist, public relations professional and university lecturer. Her articles, essays, short stories and poems have been published internationally. Her five published books are: Motherlode: A Mosaic of Dutch Wartime Experience (WLUP, 2014); Journeywoman (Inanna, 2017); Heart of Goodness: The Life of Marguerite Bourgeoys in 30 Poems | Du Coeur à l’âme : La vie de Marguerite Bourgeoys en 30 poèmes (Guernica Editions, 2020); Sensorial (Inanna, 2022) and All This As I Stand By (Ekstasis Editions, 2024). Chapbook publications include One Week’s Worth but a Lifetime More (Local Gems Press, 2022) and Broken Pieces: Hospital Experiences (2023); Birdology is forthcoming from Cactus Press in May 2025.

Publisher’s Description

Carolyne Van Der Meer’s chapbook Birdology is an exploration of loss of memory, of autonomy—and ultimately of the loved ones themselves. Against a backdrop of urban and natural environments filled with everyday birds, she considers how our relationships with our parents evolve as they age, need us more—and eventually leave us. Through a quintet of flash essays and a handful of poems, Van Der Meer moves through what she calls the “spell of grief,” accompanied by flocks of gulls, house sparrows and rock pigeons.

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