In defense of “socialization”! And some good links!
Homeschoolers know what their critics are going to ask:
“What about socialization?”
And we’ve developed a lot of defense mechanisms to cope.
I actually happen to think there’s a grain of truth in this question.
First, two parameters for the discussion:
I have little bits of evidence to support socialization as a valid goal, though we may not all mean the same thing by that word! This is my “rough draft” so to speak!Public schools certainly do not do any of the things I’m going to mention. They have lost the way. The older people who make the “socialization” comment have a very distant memory of what they are talking about. It doesn’t exist anymore. I think it should, but it doesn’t, so don’t worry, I still totally hold the position that in our time, homeschooling is best, with a very, very few exceptions where there is a good, old-fashioned-style school to send them to.Those who are going to school their children or who are involved in education should be sure to read Pius XI’s encyclical Divini Illius Magistri, On Christian Education.
It is a master class on the relationship between the “three societies” — family, state, and Church — and on the importance of schools and of sound education generally. You might be surprised to be challenged on subjects like same-sex education and the sound reasons given for it, and on the natural-law arguments for the primacy of the parents, who, he says, “are under a grave obligation to see to the religious and moral education of their children, as well as to their physical and civic training, as far as they can, and moreover to provide for their temporal well-being.”
He sees the danger we do (quite a while ago for him, and even worse now):
The declining influence of domestic environment is further weakened by another tendency, prevalent almost everywhere today, which, under one pretext or another, for economic reasons, or for reasons of industry, trade or politics, causes children to be more and more frequently sent away from home even in their tenderest years. And there is a country* where the children are actually being torn from the bosom of the family, to be formed (or, to speak more accurately, to be deformed and depraved) in godless schools and associations, to irreligion and hatred, according to the theories of advanced socialism; and thus is renewed in a real and more terrible manner the slaughter of the Innocents.
Anyway, Pius says this about education:
11. Education is essentially a social and not a mere individual activity. Now there are three necessary societies, distinct from one another and yet harmoniously combined by God, into which man is born: two, namely the family and civil society, belong to the natural order; the third, the Church, to the supernatural order.
He then goes on to explain all that in glorious detail.
A good school, where the teachers see themselves as assistants to the parents, not usurpers, and where the mission of the school is kept to its boundaries, not infringing on family life, will not only teach the curriculum, but will provide an environment where children can expand their knowledge of others and learn to interact with those who have different habits and proclivities.
Where everyone basically adheres to the 10 Commandments and wants the good of the child, the school can be a place where correction and supplementation can be administered to the inevitable insufficiencies of the “imperfect society” (as Pius calls the family — imperfect simply because it stands in need of others).
But one thing that’s so important that in many ways we had achieved in more peaceful times is hard to pin down. It has to do with the impossibility of adults to pass along all cultural wisdom directly to children in a way they can assimilate it. There’s only so much instruction you can give a child. Some of what he needs to know comes from experience, but in an emotionally and spiritually safe place, as far as possible.
That experience needs to come from older children who themselves are wisely monitored and observed. Let me give you some examples.
I once saw someone lament “kids today” not knowing how to play stoop ball. He said “their parents didn’t teach them.” But this is incorrect! Children of the past didn’t learn to play stoop ball from their parents! They learned from older children.
There are so many schoolyard games we played, and we learned them all from the big kids. Not only did we learn kickball, touch football, hopscotch, and many other games from them, we learned fairness and meticulous observance of rules and the bending of them when a player was smaller, unfamiliar, etc.
We spent a lot of time on the playground. Schools today do not have this important aspect of education. There were playground monitors and I honestly don’t recall any bullying because these ladies were pretty sharp-sighted and my elementary school was small. But we had two long recesses plus time after lunch and before school, and those times were full of games of all sorts.
Socialization — learning to play with everyone, taking your turn, responding to your name being called, dealing with annoying people without running to an adult — happened mostly in school, though we had the neighborhood to roam around in as well.
Here’s another good thing: children in America had a lot of chants we pulled out in various situations. There were the silly songs we sang while doing clapping games— and these were actually important for 7-12 year-olds to get the brain cells and nerves working at high speed (we played them lightning-fast), with arms crossing the midline, so important for becoming proficient at reading. I think the girls did this while the boys played catch.
Friendly competition, day after day, drives the acquisition of these actually complex skills. This is not a once-in-a-week thing, nor can adults really implement them.
I was reminded the other day about how, if we second-graders noticed a boy and a girl having a crush, we’d chant at them (and I got this chanted at me too!): “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage!” You know, there’s a warning and a life lesson about the proper order of things, all wrapped up in a few words, right there. If everyone’s on their devices, this message will not be delivered. But it also won’t be delivered with quite as much situational directness if one’s social group is basically one’s family, with a few friends encountered on random or sporadic occasions, as in the home school.
Finally, there’s nothing wrong with giving different adults and other, unrelated children the opportunity to smooth the rough edges that indulgent parents don’t attend to; nor is it a bad thing to have them appreciate the child whose parents might be exacting and strict. Where society is more or less aimed at the same goal, of cooperation and good will, socialization is actually a good thing. It should not usurp the role of the family, but it also should not be eliminated.
I honestly lament the disappearance of the neighborhood school in stable communities. As a child with a troubled home life, it provided me with at least some guardrails. Sadly, the troubled homes began to outweigh the stability.
It’s a somber thought to know that my parents, with their divorce, contributed to that loss of stability, because I think most of us tend to think personal choices don’t matter much. But they do. With the sudden shift to individualistic, pleasure-oriented pursuits, that society was overthrown.
Notice by the way how much of what I think of as socialization in the sense our critics mean (though they might not realize it) is not about what goes on in the classroom. It was mostly about the school yard and recess and the walk to and from school, though learning to hear others out and to listen respectfully to the teacher were good things as well.
So it’s worth thinking about how we can offer our homeschooling children (or the schools we organize) this sort of socialization — not what we hear and react to, when we are confronted with the charge, which makes us think about mindless conformity and the stifling of creativity, if not worse.
Instead, let’s acknowledge that we can’t go it alone. We need, for our children’s development and within the circumstances we’re dealing with, the interaction of other families, of outside activities (within reason), and of the community.
*I don’t think he meant America, but it could now be said of America, sadly.
The Brilliance of Metaphor and Why the Left Can’t Meme — Emily Finley with some good insights on metaphor and nature: “… the Christian relationship with nature is one that is ordered toward God the Creator. It allows us glimpses of eternal truth, of the manifold beauty of existence. In so doing, it inspires the poetical mode of thought.”
When Emily says, “In my estimation, the most effective (and funniest) writers are those who have command over the use of metaphor,” I thought of P. G. Wodehouse, whose creativity in that subset of metaphor, the simile, is unparalleled. Wodehouse alone is a good reason to make sure your young ‘uns read Shakespeare and Dickens, for they will miss half the fun if they are unfamiliar with those inspirations for Wodehouse’s flights of wit!
Amelia McKee writes about the liturgical, historical, and poetical background of Mary, Gardens, and May. This Mother’s Day, Deirdre and I did some companionably puttering in my Mary garden, pulling out invading vines and pruning rose bushes. I will try to move some Mary flowers in there shortly. Here is a picture from two years ago:
A review, by John Byron Kuhner, of The Lives of the Caesars, by Suetonius, translated by Tom Holland. “It is easy to feel that our era loves the Roman Empire too much, and the frugal, law-abiding, freedom-loving Roman Republic too little. I would rather see a new Hollywood movie about Scipio Africanus than another Gladiator retread. Yet the basic reason for having a republic at all is found on every page of the Lives.”
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from the archivesDecorating books — and beauty (and Pinterest). How do you find your own style? Some thoughts from moi.May is such a good time for beginning a simple prayer life with children.
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