Hope in the Middle of Unwellness

There’s a “welcome” bear on my shoulder, but my Harry Potter scar is healing well.

The most difficult part of unwellness (long-term fibromyalgia) is no longer feeling useful, even encountering a damper of worthlessness.

I’m also still in limbo with this crabby tummy. One test leads to two more, but so slowly. A couple of tests were clear, so the medical people haven’t located the culprit. Two more coming up, but only one scheduled (gastro). Waiting for the cardio folks.

So I don’t lose more weight, I’m to eat what soft foods I can tolerate, with Pepto Bismol for dessert. When things get too rough, it’s liquids again. 

And should I begin another book? I’ve had no nudges to work on a memoir, although I might be old enough. What about a collection of my old stories published during the 1990s in newspapers and magazines while I was learning to write? Maybe call it The Spider in the Choir Loft and Other Stories. 

I’m not a moody matriarch, but one day last week was about as discouraged as this optimist gets. I needed five naps. Yes, five. And that same day, while slogging “the loop” (10 blocks, including a hill), my leg muscles seized up five times. I had to stop and calm things down. Five times. My Favorite Guy wanted to go out to lunch, but I didn’t feel well enough to eat anything, or even keep him company while he enjoyed eating out. 

The very next morning, in God’s perfect timing, I received a welcome text. And with it, the expectation of experiencing usefulness again. What a blessing! 

Naps that day? My “normal” three. (To calm down fibromyalgia pain and exhaustion–I’ve made peace with it.) Loop hiking seize-ups? None on the early trek, only one the second time. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

I’m so grateful for hope in the middle of this unwellness.

#aginggratefully