Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
Need higher EQ? EQ (or emotional intelligence, more formally) is how well you identify, manage, and respond to emotions—both your own and others people’s.
Many people, including Daniel Goleman, the psychologist we most closely associate with EQ, talk about emotional intelligence in four different dimensions. Let’s talk about what you can do to boost your EQ by taking them one at a time.
1. Self-AwarenessThe first component of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. To boost your self-awareness, try mirrors, mindfulness, and reflection.
Mirrors? I know it sounds weird, but have you ever caught a glimpse of yourself on a Zoom video or a reflective surface in a meeting and given yourself a start… YIKES! Resting bitch face! Having a small mirror on your computer or near your desk can make you more aware of what you’re transmitting and, in turn, more conscious of what you’re experiencing. That’s what you’re looking for.
Mindfulness is a practice where you learn to tune into the present and become more aware of your world and your reactions to it. This is a great thing to practice because you can get meaningful benefits in less than a minute. There are apps, journals, and even a doo-hickey-bub on your Apple Watch or Fitbit to help with this.
The third thing to try is reflection. Think back on your day, a meeting, or a conversation. What was going on for you? What were you feeling? What story were you telling yourself? The more you reflect, the more self-aware you’ll become, especially of your triggers. That can be super helpful.
2. Self-RegulationOk, on to the second component of emotional intelligence: self-regulation.
All of that mindfulnessd and reflection will set you up for more deliberate actions and a better ability to control your responses. When you’re mindful, you get an early tip-off that you’re moving into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode, and the earlier you notice, the more likely you are to regulate that emotion.
Try asking yourself why you’re feeling what you’re feeling, what story are you telling yourself, then see if you can come up with other stories that are equally likely—or just more constructive. That will help you choose the best action rather than a knee-jerk reaction.
3. Social SkillsComponent three… upping your social skills!
Your homework is two things. First, work on having a set of amazing questions that you can use to connect with people and understand things from their perspective, “How is this landing for you? What are you most excited about? What’s your superpower?” I love to ask this question because people love that I assume they have superpowers, and they love telling me about theirs!
If you’re going to get great at asking questions, you need to be equally good at taking in the information from their answers. I call that level three listening.
Level 1: Listening carefully to take everything in.
Level 2: Turning off the voice in your head and listening to the other person.
Level 3: Listening, not just to the facts, but also to the feelings and emotions and, more importantly, the values and beliefs. I’ve got a whole post on how to practice your listening. Check it out.
4. EmpathyGreat listening leads straight into the final component—empathy!
Ask yourself how others might be experiencing a situation differently from you. What’s at stake for them? What else is going on in their world?
As they interact with you, think about what might be going on that helps explain their behaviour. You’ll get much better at peeking into other people’s worlds as you practice.
One bonus tip: Research shows that reading fiction is also a great way to increase empathy, so maybe find a comfy spot and a good book. That’s my kind of homework!
–
Emotional intelligence gets noticed and valued in organizations. What can you do to invest in your EQ?
More On ThisWhat is Cognitive Flexibility?
When You Think You’re Listening, but You’re Not
Video: Become a Pro at Dealing With Emotions in the Workplace
The post Improve Your Emotional Intelligence appeared first on Liane Davey.
