A Decade of Lessons and a Solo Date Night
A decade of marriage delivered many lessons. One of my favorites—time waits for no one. There are exceptions, of course. Life doesn’t always follow the rules. But this particular lesson? It’s stuck with me.
We couple up for many reasons: love, loneliness, boredom, or simply the hope of finding a connection. The dream is that, during our search, we meet someone special. If we’re lucky enough to land that great relationship, we pour ourselves into it. We savor the time with our partner, indulging in every moment together. Sometimes, we dive in so deeply that we forget to check in with ourselves, our needs, and our desires.
In my marriage, I put all my time and energy into my family. And while that’s what many of us do, I realized too late that in doing so, I’d pushed aside things that brought me joy. I delayed the activities I loved, all in the name of keeping others happy, of being the one who showed up when needed. But here’s the truth: we can’t pour from an empty cup.
After my divorce, I promised myself I would allow a little selfishness—self-care that wasn’t just about taking a bath or catching up on sleep. It was about doing things I enjoyed. I went to dinner at places I’d always wanted to try, took trips I’d dreamed about, and finally went to those shows I’d put off. Life is short, and tomorrow is not promised, so why not enjoy the things that make you feel alive today?
Just last week, I made a reservation for one on my OpenTable app. I was craving Italian, so I picked a cozy, well-reviewed restaurant in Midtown East. The ambiance was perfect—dim lighting, white linens, and waiters who were sharp and attentive. The kind of place that felt made for a date, but here I was, on a solo date. I sipped French Rosé as I observed the couples around me—some happy, others lost in their phones.
One couple, older and engaged, shared a deep conversation and eye contact. It was a beautiful display of connection. Then, there was the younger couple across the room—probably in their early 30s—sitting at opposite ends of the table, glued to their smartphones. They hardly spoke a word to each other until the food arrived. How many times have we seen this scene? It’s becoming the norm, but let me tell you—it’s not romantic. It’s not affectionate. And unfortunately, it’s becoming more common.
This new “normal” of distracted dinners and silent companionship is a recipe for disconnection. As human beings, we crave connection—whether it’s through meaningful conversation, a touch, or simply being present with each other. So, it begs the question: Are we letting technology replace our connections? Are we letting it come between us and the ones we love—our husbands, wives, children, and friends?
If so, we have to ask ourselves: What can we do about it? It’s time to take action. Maybe that means setting boundaries—no electronics at the dinner table or leaving phones out of sight at bedtime. It’s about holding ourselves accountable for the role we play in the breakdown of our relationships. Communication isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s a necessity for any partnership to thrive.
Even small, intentional moments of undivided attention can make a world of difference. Whether it’s listening without distractions or sharing a quiet moment, these small acts of connection can be the glue that holds relationships together. And, at the end of the day, they might just save us from losing someone we love.
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