Endgame
After busting my ass for almost three years (will be three years in August) trying to secure a full-time job, I'm nearing the end of my tether.
If I can't land a gig by summer, I'm going to have to leave my beloved Chicago behind. Breaks my heart after 30 years here. I'm just not going to be able to afford living in Chicago after that point. I dearly love Chicago, tried like hell to build a life here, but the mercantile millstones are grinding me into dust.
Over a thousand applications sent, scores of interviews (including so many final round ones that ultimately failed, despite all of those rounds), tons of ghosting, the writing's on the wall for my middle-aged self, at least along conventional lines of employment.
I know people seem to think white middle-aged men have gold-paved roads they dance along from success to success, but that's only for the well-connected, privileged, or rich ones. I'm none of these. Literally everything I've tried has failed, so I'm going to have to figure out new battle plans, barring a miraculous hire in the next two months.
Ageism is something else. It's like the world collectively asks me "Why aren't you dead, yet?" Not being a psychopathic, conniving asshole hasn't helped me in my life, that's for sure. I never had it in me to thrive within American capitalism, honestly. The mindset and mentality of people who succeed within it isn't something I have, to my detriment.
I'm not a complainer, either, these blog posts notwithstanding. Those who know me understand that. But holy hell, this has been a rough few years.
That's part of what drove me to write several novels the past couple of years. I would go through the day-to-day grind of job-hunting, and decided I'd take advantage of the backhanded gift of time that unemployment brings to crank out some books -- knowing that almost nobody would read them, but at least I'd have made good use of the time I had to be productive, versus self-destructing and brooding.
And while this is all going on, the country's now falling apart and/or faceplanting into fascism. Another twist of the knife.
The Kinks | Shangri-La
If I can't land a gig by summer, I'm going to have to leave my beloved Chicago behind. Breaks my heart after 30 years here. I'm just not going to be able to afford living in Chicago after that point. I dearly love Chicago, tried like hell to build a life here, but the mercantile millstones are grinding me into dust.
Over a thousand applications sent, scores of interviews (including so many final round ones that ultimately failed, despite all of those rounds), tons of ghosting, the writing's on the wall for my middle-aged self, at least along conventional lines of employment.
I know people seem to think white middle-aged men have gold-paved roads they dance along from success to success, but that's only for the well-connected, privileged, or rich ones. I'm none of these. Literally everything I've tried has failed, so I'm going to have to figure out new battle plans, barring a miraculous hire in the next two months.
Ageism is something else. It's like the world collectively asks me "Why aren't you dead, yet?" Not being a psychopathic, conniving asshole hasn't helped me in my life, that's for sure. I never had it in me to thrive within American capitalism, honestly. The mindset and mentality of people who succeed within it isn't something I have, to my detriment.
I'm not a complainer, either, these blog posts notwithstanding. Those who know me understand that. But holy hell, this has been a rough few years.
That's part of what drove me to write several novels the past couple of years. I would go through the day-to-day grind of job-hunting, and decided I'd take advantage of the backhanded gift of time that unemployment brings to crank out some books -- knowing that almost nobody would read them, but at least I'd have made good use of the time I had to be productive, versus self-destructing and brooding.
And while this is all going on, the country's now falling apart and/or faceplanting into fascism. Another twist of the knife.
The Kinks | Shangri-La
No comments have been added yet.
