Walk in Their Shoes: The Leadership Power of Replacing Judgment with Curiosity

What if the people you judge most hold the greatest keys to your growth? What if, by choosing curiosity over condemnation, you could unlock trust, potential, and collaboration that elevates your life, your leadership, and your legacy?

In Episode 67 of the Connected Teamwork Podcast, I had the honor of joining Hylke Faber to unpack one of the most vital — yet often overlooked — practices for thriving in today’s divided world: “Walking in Their Shoes.” At its heart, this episode isn’t just about leadership, teamwork, or conflict resolution — it’s about humanity. It’s about what happens when we get curious instead of combative, and when we choose connection over contempt.

Today, I will share practical lessons we discussed, insights that have shaped my own career, and offer a roadmap for anyone who wants to stop building walls and start building bridges.

Why Judgment Makes Us Blind

As Hylke beautifully shared during the episode, judgment isn’t a moral failing — it’s biological. “Our nervous system isn’t primarily wired for love, compassion, or learning — it’s wired for survival,” he explained. “When things don’t go our way, our ‘crocodile brain’ steps in, pushing us to defend, attack, or retreat. Judgment is its natural reaction.”

When we judge, we are no longer seeing clearly. We don’t see the full person or the situation; we only see a narrow, distorted version that matches our fear. As Gandhi once said — and Hylke reminded us — “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.“

And when we lead, sell, or live from that place of blindness?

We miss opportunities.We erode trust.We stay stuck in fear.

That’s why the first and hardest act of leadership is not controlling others — it’s controlling ourselves.

Curiosity: The Ultimate Antidote

The powerful alternative to judgment is curiosity. It sounds simple. It’s not. It’s a skill. A practice. A commitment.

It starts with catching ourselves mid-judgment and — instead of reacting — pressing pause. As Hylke put it, “I call it going to the BEACH: Breathe. Encourage yourself. Accept that you’re judging. Choose higher wisdom.“

In other words, don’t resist judgment — notice it. Accept it. Then move forward from a wiser place.

When we lean into curiosity, we ask:

Why does this person believe what they believe?What pressures might they be feeling?What might I learn if I stayed open a little longer?

This isn’t just theory — it’s a practice that has transformed some of my most difficult professional relationships into my most rewarding ones.

From Conflict to Collaboration: A Real-World Example

During the episode, I shared a story from my early sales career — an encounter with a customer who refused to meet with me, took pride in rejecting vendors, and threw up every imaginable wall.

Many people would have given up.

But I didn’t.

Instead, I asked myself, “What is he fighting for?” I dug into what truly mattered to him and his organization. I approached him not with defensiveness, but with curiosity — with a simple but powerful question:

“What would a win look like for you?”

That question turned everything around. Within weeks, we went from animosity to alliance, from avoidance to a significant global deal. All because curiosity kept me in the room — and ultimately, on the same side of the table.

The Deep Truth: We Judge Most Those We Care About

One of the profound moments in our conversation was when Hylke said: “The people we judge the most often have the greatest potential to become our most trusted collaborators and even dear friends.”

Why? Because the intensity of judgment often mirrors the intensity of care. We judge when we care about outcomes, about relationships, about being heard and valued.

When you realize this, judgment becomes an invitation — not a condemnation.

Next time you find yourself deeply triggered by someone, ask:

What do I care about so much that’s being touched here?Can I honor that care without dishonoring the other person?Building Bridges in a Divided World

This practice of walking in their shoes isn’t just for teams or companies — it’s essential for society. As Hylke pointed out: “We live in times where political divides and identity labels make it easy to dehumanize. True leadership is holding onto curiosity when the world demands condemnation.”

I’ve experienced this firsthand — conversations with people who voted differently, lived differently, or led differently. The temptation to retreat into judgment is strong. But every time I chose to stay at the table — with curiosity, humility, and genuine questions — something unexpected happened: Connection. Respect. Hope.

Practical Steps to Walk in Their Shoes

If you want to build real connectedness — not just in your team, but in your life — here’s the prescription Hylke and I would offer:

Catch Judgment Early. Notice when you slip into narratives about “them” being wrong, bad, or less. Awareness is the first step.

Pause and BREATHE. (Breathe. Encourage. Accept. Choose Higher Wisdom.)

Ask Open Questions. (“What’s important to you about this?” “What would a win look like for you?”)

Sit with the Tension. Don’t rush to resolve or fix. Listen longer than is comfortable.

Respect Their Humanity. Even when you disagree. Especially when you disagree.

Remember the Sun Behind the Storm. Every person was once an innocent, beautiful baby, worthy of love. They still are.

Focus on Shared Goals. Shift from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem.”

Building Bridges, Not Walls

At the end of the episode, I said: “Walking in their shoes makes you a better teammate, a better leader, a better human. You don’t have to agree with everyone. You just have to respect them.”

Empathy isn’t weakness — it’s strategy. Curiosity isn’t passivity — it’s power. And conversation — not condemnation — is the only path to the kind of world we all deserve.

Remember: When you sit with someone in the storm, you can walk together in the sun. And the sun is always there — even when clouds temporarily hide it.

Let’s keep walking in each other’s shoes — and unlocking the full, breathtaking potential of our connected humanity.

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