April 21, 2025: The Columbo rewatch continues with…”Any Old Port in a Storm”!

This episode aired October 7, 1973.

This was Peter Falk’s favorite episode of the series as it marked the first time his character demonstrated a fondness and respect for an adversary. “I’m very fond of the episode,”he revealed. “Columbo liked the Donald Pleasance character a lot. That character had the same obsession with excellence that Columbo had. Columbo might have been a slob with clothes, but he had a respect and admiration for excellence. The job has to be done perfectly.  He doesn’t like sloppiness in the job. Columbo was delighted by that guy. He admired him.”

“Any Old Port in a Storm” was also the first episode to feature the “This Old Man” tune that would become a recurring theme. Falk improvised Columbo humming the tune while making a call. According to Falk: “I just used to like to sing it. And one day it came out of Columbo. It’s  song that absolutely tickles me. That just happened. I whistled it in a couple of shows. It just evolved. It’s such  silly little tune.”

Adrian Carson’s reference to the 69-cents-a-gallon Marino Brothers was no doubt a jibe at Gallo Wines, America’s best-selling wine maker at the time.

Stanley Ralph Ross, who wrote this episode, also wrote a third of the episodes for the 1966 Batman series. He apparently wrote the part of Adrian Carson for actor Victor Buono who had played King Tut on Batman.

This episode was directed by Leo Penn, father of Sean Penn.

Actress Joyce Jillson, who played the grieving Joyce Stacey, was the official astrologer for the Los Angeles Dodgers. For real.

This episode would mark the first of multiple appearances by actor Victor Scotti (who played the maitre d), a good friend of Falk’s.

Julie Harris, who played Karen Fielding, was a five time Tony Award winner.

Dana Eclar, who played one of the wine dilettanti, is perhaps better known for his portrayal of Pete Thornton on MacGyver.

Actor Gary Conway, who played the part of doomed brother Enrico, actually owned a winery with his wife.

Donald Pleasance, who played Adrian Carsini, would go on to play Dr. Loomis in the Halloween film series.

My thoughts on this episode in chronological viewing order…

I’m no wine connoisseur, but is this really the way they hold their glasses, by the base like they are balancing an egg on a spoon? Does the wine taste better when you hold it like this?

Enrico takes a page from Columbo’s bag of tricks, popping up in his brother’s office unannounced.

“I’m sure the Marino Brothers will let you lick the labels of their new carbonated rose.” Oh, that’s gonna cost you.

And I was right! Almost. Not quite dead yet.

Wow, that’s cold, leaving his brother to either bleed out or die of his wounds. Anyway, hope those knots are nice and tight.

Look at how spacious commercial planes used to be back in the day. Why can’t we have pianos in aircrafts anymore?

“You’re very generous,”marvels Karen. Yes, writing a cheque that will never be cashed.

“Interesting aftertaste.  But they left the skins in too long.” Ah, yes, an earthy bouquet redolent of the murdered farm worker buried beneath its flowering grapes.

“I was peeking at the label.” Oh, Adrian, you incorrigible rogue you.

He blinks and slightly lowers his head – and that’s enough to signal a buy!   I would be scared to death to attend one of those auctions. “SOLD to the gentleman who sniffed!”

That five thousand dollar bottle of wine would be equivalent to paying about 35k today.

Apparently, series creators Levinson and Link had several rules about Columbo, one of them being “Never show us his office”. The producers for season 3 chose to ignore that rule and I think that was a mistake. Not a huge one, but it feels weird, especially since it looks more like a P.I.’s office than that of an LAPD detective.

Maybe he got cold feet.  Married three times.  “Well I guess his feet are warm enough by now.” Great line.

“I see he’s an Italian and we Italians need to stick together.” This, I predict, will be the pinnacle Italian Columbo episode.

I like how all off Adrian’s hangers-on laugh at all his jokes. Reminds me of a sushi restaurant Akemi and I used to frequent until the day we visited and didn’t drink any sake with our order. Suddenly, the outstanding sushi was shockingly mediocre. Akemi ended up coining the term “sake magic” to explain our previous appreciation for the restaurant. In the case of Adrian Carsini’s fitfully humorous jokes, I guess it’s “wine magic”.

Oh, was his bother sealed in there without air? Is that wine cellar really airtight? Doesn’t look like it.

Uh, how does a little shrimp like Adrian fling his super athletic brother off the cliff without landing him nowhere near the water? I mean, last episode, we were obsessing over Viveca’s unlikely throw of the cosmetic jar. This one, on the other hand, seemed impossible. And wouldn’t the body have sustained several broken bones from the fall?

Columbo looking to cut down on his cigar smoking but dismisses the cop’s suggestion that he switch to a cheaper brand: “Don’t want to cut down on my standard of living.”

Hooboy, that beach bash sequence. The evolution of dance!

I thought our not hearing Columbo breaking the news to the fiancee was pretty effective.

Why is that shirtless guy wearing a sweater draped over his shoulders?

Columbo learns Enrico was planning to sell the winery. Now the wheels are turning!

This was one of the longer running episodes and, while it doesn’t really suffer from it, it’s easy to pick out the extraneous scenes – like this bar scene where Columbo struggles to listen to the news report and then spends an inordinately long time trying to find out whether or not it rained last Tuesday. I did like the chatty bum seated beside him offering a “I’m sorry that I bothered you.”, throwing one of Columbo’s trademark lines back at him.

Love Columbo on the wine tour.

The elderly worker who Columbo chats with briefly does an excellent job sounding like an old Italian man. No cliche delivery. He sounds like a lot of my relatives.

Again, I’m not a connoisseur, but all of the wines depicted in this episode look…less than robust.

Would your brother go swimming on a day like that?  “Doesn’t really make much difference if the person is underneath the water, does it?” Well played.

Aha! Why would he have left the top down?

“I didn’t realize I drank that much.” Columbo is a cheap drunk.

“Usually I don’t drink anything I can’t pronounce.” Again, words to live by.

There’s a point during Columbo’s conversation with Enrico’s fiancee and friends where Columbo is quizzing them about the dead man’s diet and they insist he ate everything, and then some guy pipes up with: “Except Brussel sprouts.” I imagine that, for years later, he would attend Columbo conventions as Brussel Sprouts Guy.

Columbo yet again trying to make off with someone else’s property, in this case the pencil.

Love the Crane Shot of Columbo heading off, whistling, and then suddenly holding up. “Oh! Mr. Carsini!”

“Believe me, sir, you’ll be the first to know.” He’s delivered variations of this line in previous episodes and I love it every time.

Columbo needs to get lost before the Alan Ladd movie starts.

Man, that is one ugly lime green phone.

Columbo invites Carisini and his secretary to for dinner. “If I get a babysitter I”ll bring my wife along.”  He DOES have a kid!

Great moment when Columbo knocks and you think he’s at the door, but we reveal he’s actually at the window:  “I’m sorry to bother you, ma’am.  I just have one more question.”

Adrian and Karen may actually be going out on a date. “Maybe if all goes well after tonight we’ll suspend the formalities altogether.” How romantic.

“Boy, you sure don’t see many more of these around,”says the valet. Then he gets in the car and it won’t start.

White wine steward or the red wine steward? That’s how you know you’ll be maxing out your credit card.

Mistake!  Columbo is puffing away on the cigar in his mouth on the OVER as he gets up and then when we turn around on him the cigar has disappeared.  I don’t usually point these out but this one’s pretty egregious.

We are all astounded by Columbo’s wine knowledge.

“An exciting meal has been ruined by the presence of this liquid filth!”

The owners of this restaurant had to have been good sports to play along with Columbo given how bad this looks to the rest of their clientele.

Love the double shot of the waiter and the maitre d sampling the port.

“That’s a heck of a way to beat the cheque.” Great.

Aha! Karen lied. But Adrian doesn’t like feeling beholden to her. Unfortunately for him, she’s not going quietly. “I gave you 12 years of my life.  Now it’s time for you to give me something.” She’s blackmailing him into marrying her. That’s a first!

“Figured you’d have to get around to disposing of the wine sooner or later,”says Columbo. I suppose, but did he really have to do it in such a conspicuous way?

Aha!  The bottle of wine at the restaurant was from his wine cellar!

“Oh, yes, I’ll confess.  There’s not remorse attached to it.” The jig is up.

“I guess freedom is pretty relative,”says Adrian.  It was either marriage or prison and he chose prison.

Nice final scene of Columbo and Adrian enjoying a dessert wine in the car before the inevitable booking.

“You’ve learned very well, lieutenant,”says Adrian.  “Thank you,”says Columbo.  “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.” Great moment.

I loved this episode. A lot of great Columbo moments, humorous beats, and some wonderful character interactions. I echo Falk’s appreciation for the Columbo-Carsini relationship. I also thought the mystery, the investigation, and its solution well constructed. Special shout-out to Donald Pleasance’s performance as Adrian. I actually empathized with him and his obsessions except that, instead of wine, for me its supervillain statues. I’m sure equally expensive. But, really, this entire guest cast was phenomenal, from Julie Harris as the lovelorn secretary to Victor Scotti as the harried maitre d.

Having said all that, it’s easy to spot the scenes that were padded or added to reach the extended runtime. The scene at the bar for one. And everything that happens after the restaurant. Columbo should have revealed the bottle’s origin at the restaurant and ended it right there, but I can’t complain as it did offer us a memorable scene with Columbo andhis quarry enjoying a final drink in the car – and, of course, Karen Fielding’s marriage blackmail.

So, here’s my revised episode rankings: 1. Any Old Port in a Storm, 2. Double Shock, 3. A Stitch in Crime, 4. Death Lends a Hand, 5. Suitable for Framing, 6. Dagger of the Mind, 7 Requiem for a Falling Star, 8. Prescription: Murder, 9. Murder by the Book/Ransom for a Dead Man (tie), 10. Lady in Waiting, 11. Etude in Black, 12. The Most Crucial Game, 13. Blueprint for Murder, 14. Lovely But Lethal, 15. The Most Dangerous Match, 16. The Greenhouse Jungle 17. Dead Weight, 18. Short Fuse

Finally, it’s time to consider the evidence and decide whether our murderer will be found GUILTY or win an ACQUITTAL. Casting aside Adrian’s resignation at episode’s end, I think this is a tough one, but the circumstantial evidence (the timeline, the emptying of the wine cellar) is pretty damning. So, as much as it pains me to say it, I’m going with GUILTY.

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