Transparallel Euro 2012 (Day Three)

Ophidian Isle 1 - Ochre Bear Ur-Land 3

After yesterday's corpse-choked shenanigans, a rowdy but non-violent confrontation between these two small nations, the first all-pre-Homo-sapiens match since the fall of the former Union of Ur. The Ophidians looked out of their depth on a rain-drenched pitch, prompting some to suggest that they should have played their aquatic B-team rather than their land-going cousins, and their frontline seemed ill-equipped to get past the immense, hirsute ribcage of opposing goalkeeper Plet'k Za. The stadium was thankfully free of the sectarian violence that has dogged "the boys in green" in the past, possibly because the Ochre Bear team - though of human stock - hail from a world devoid of Christianity, in which no saint attempted to drive the Ophidians out of their native land when they emerged from hibernation in the fifth century. There was also a heartening absence of racist abuse directed at the Ur-Land tribesfolk, following PFIFA's adoption of a zero-tolerance policy towards anyone using "the N-word".

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