Yet another weird ad for my novels
Captain Decker yells, “Direct all power into reverse thrusters!” Our pilots click away at their holo-displays, funneling every last ounce of our ship’s muscle into backing away from the hungry black hole.
As we come to a screeching halt, Decker orders, “Do. Not. MOVE.” On the front-screen displays, our thrusters glow with lucent blue light, pouring everything they have into preventing us from getting sucked in and spaghettified.
“Okay…good. Now. Everyone walk toward the back of the ship. SLOWLY.”
Our chief physicist, Leia Somatic, blurts, “Do you seriously think you’re going to alter our mass by standing in the back of the ship? Are you fucking INSANE?”
“DO IT!” he barks. “NOW! I’ll think of something else in a couple of minutes!”
The crew starts murmuring. But none of them have any viable options, so we all get up and walk toward the back of the ship.
Once we’re all clustered together, Decker holds out his hands in a placating gesture, one that says, Don’t get crazy. “All right, let’s start with a systems check. Anything that doesn’t need to be on, turn it off, and give our reversal a little more oomph.”
“Now you’re making sense,” Leia mutters.
He shoots her a warning look. “I noticed on my panel that someone had milf porn up on their holo. Whoever that was…”
SHIT. A drop of sweat beads on my temple. I try and throttle down my milf-brained mind, but it’s way too late. I’m already thinking about the slurpy-slurp-slurp, along with some mac-n-cheese noises followed by the inevitable slappy-slap-slap of my hips against—
“KENT!” Decker throws a disgusted look at my bulging crotch. “Good God man, we’re trying to figure out how to survive a black hole! Save it for another time, you fucking degene—”
Suddenly, the ship lurches forward with an ominous creak.
“Was that…” Leia Somatic looks from side to side in guarded horror. “Surely not.”
More blood pools in the head of my semi, causing the ship to lurch forward a couple more millimeters.
“That’s impossible!” Leia shouts. “That’s not even PHYSICS!”
Decker looks from her to me, suddenly realizing that my bulging crotch is pulling us toward space-time oblivion. “Stop, Kent—STOP NOW!”
“I can’t!” I squeal. “My brain is on autopilot—too many milfs, too many boobies! Also, I’m fucking huge—my dick is like a baby’s arm holding a fuji apple, offering it up to the goddamn heavens!”
“Kill it!” He points at my wiener. “KILL IT WITH FIRE!”
Fuck it. No options left. As the First Engineer runs for the armory, I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
My diamond-worshipping ex, Irma Horfendorff, manifests in front of me and grabs my crotch. “Heard you need to shrink this down.” She grins. “I know just the thing. My Karen energies are gonna turn it into a thimble-sized dick.”
“Wait, hold on, take it slo—HRRRGHHHAAAAAAAAGGHHH!!!” Before I can stop her, my wiener shrinks down to the size of an acorn. I drop to my knees, gasping and heaving, as she dematerializes with a demonic-ass laugh.
“She did it!” Leia Somatic gapes at the monitor as our ship backs free of the event horizon.
“Not…worth it,” I moan.
“Don’t you worry.” She kneels down beside me and gives my wiener a possessive tap. “Gonna have that thing back up to snuff in no time.”
Kent Wayne wins again…I think?
Have your genitals circumvented your ship’s black-hole-defying thrusters? Never fear! Buy my books, summon your Karen-esque ex, and give those thrusters a gravitational break!
Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! [image error][image error] [image error] #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
