A + B + C = ???
I have a control problem.
Ever since I was a little girl, I have had a very clear-cut image of the way my life is supposed to be. Granted, when I was younger, that vision looked like a high-rise apartment in New York City where I had a chauffeur drive me to and from my job as a well-respected investigative journalist. When I got older and began to realize that wasn’t really what I wanted, it didn’t stop me from visualizing a picture of my new ideal life. And I never had any doubt I would achieve it; it was simple math. If I did A + B + C, naturally it would equal D.
And, because of this very black and white way of thinking, it became imperative that I do everything I could to control things around me. If D would only come about because of a carefully orchestrated A, B, and C then, naturally, it was my job to make sure A, B, and C came to fruition.
The problem is that life isn’t black and white. And A + B + C + doesn’t always equal D, no matter how much we want it to. We can do everything right, and still not end up remotely close to the vision we want for our lives. This is why surrender is so important. Scripture tells us over and over again that submitting to God’s will is key.
“Then Jesus told his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.'” (Matthew 16:34)
“ You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.” (Philippians 2: 5-8)
“Submit to God, and you will have peace; then things will go well for you. Listen to his instructions, and store them in your heart.” (Job 22: 21-22)
And, of course, this line in the Lord’s Prayer: “Your kingdom come, Your will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:10)
As Christians, we know this. If you’re anything like me, surrender is even a part of your daily prayer. Or, at least, it’s part of the words of your daily prayer.
The problem is in the execution.
Because truly living out “Your will be done” requires a relinquishing of control.
And that’s not an easy thing to do.
But what I’ve discovered is that when I say I want God’s will to be done in my life and yet continue to pursue my own (especially when its obvious God is trying to steer me in another direction), I make my desires an idol. That’s heavy language for sure, but an idol is anything we deem as equal to or greater than God. And when I resist God’s plan for my life–a plan God promises is ultimately for my good (see Jeremiah 29:11)–and pursue my own wants, I am essentially raising those things above God; the achievement of those goals is more important that obedience to Him.
It’s a tough truth to swallow. Surrendering to God with my lips….and then bowing down to idols with my choices.
True surrender is a daily–or perhaps hourly–struggle, especially for a control freak like me. A + B + C = D….except when God decides it actually equals E. Or F. Or maybe even a letter of the alphabet we haven’t even invented yet. But I never want to be so bound up in the outcome that it itself becomes an idol. May I never start to worship the dream over the Dream-Maker.
Let’s direct our love toward the only One is worthy of it. The One who directs our steps and holds the future in His hands.
His equation may not look like mine.
But it is always the right answer.
