The Conversation I Haven’t Had Yet: Navigating Disability with My Child

A story about the conversation many of us haven’t had—and why it’s okay to begin slow.

I’ve had thousands of conversations with my son.

About dinosaurs. 

About why socks can’t go missing every day. 

About how the moon doesn’t actually “follow” him home. 

About how the superhero cape doesn’t make brushing teeth optional. 

But there’s one conversation I’ve never had.

I’ve never said the word “disability” out loud to him. 

Not once. 

And maybe… you haven’t, either.

The Word That Waits in the Room

When you’re a parent to a child with ADHD or any neurodiversity, there’s a word that lives quietly in the corners. 

It shows up in the paperwork. 

In therapy reports. 

On school forms. 

It’s whispered in staff meetings. 

Hinted at in parent chats. 

Mentioned by professionals in a calm, practised tone. 

Disability. 

But at home? 

It sits quietly in the shadows. 

Because no matter how trained I am as a counsellor or how many books I’ve written when it’s your child… 

Words carry weight. 

Not clinical. 

Emotional.

Why We Stay Silent

Parents often wait. 

We think, “He’s too young to understand.” 

Or, “She hasn’t asked, so maybe she doesn’t feel it.” 

Sometimes, we say, “I don’t want to label him.”

But I’ll let you in on something I’ve learned through years of working with families:

Kids feel it long before we say it. 

They notice the extra reminders. 

The “why is it so hard for me” moments. 

The invisible line between them and the rest of the class.

What they don’t have… is a story. 

Something that tells them: 

You’re not broken. 

You’re not behind. 

You’re not “less.” 

You’re wired differently—and that’s okay.

What If We Rewrote the Word?

The first time I almost had the conversation with my son, he was spinning the wheels of his toy car, staring into space.

I wanted to explain everything. 

To say: “Your brain is like a pause button in a world stuck on fast forward.” 

To say: “You take in the world in colours the rest of us can’t always see.”

But I stopped. 

Not because I was afraid. 

Because I wanted it to come from love, not fear. 

From the story, not shame. 

That day, I didn’t speak a word. 

But I held the space.

If You’re Not Ready to Say It Yet…

Here are some gentle ways to begin—even without using the word “disability”:

Mirror Strength, Not Struggle 

Tell your child: 

“Everyone’s brain has superpowers. Some are really fast. Some are really deep. Yours is deep. That’s why big feelings feel big—and big ideas feel exciting.”

Use Storytime as a Bridge 

Pick picture books or shows where the character overcomes something different. 

Then ask: 

“Did they feel left out sometimes?” “What helped them keep going?” 

You’re planting seeds of empathy and self-understanding—without turning it into a lecture.

Name the Feeling, Not the Diagnosis 

When they say, “This is hard,” 

Respond with: 

“It’s not your fault. Some things just take a little longer to click. That doesn’t mean you can’t do them.”

Validating the experience can be more potent than explaining the label.

Play It Out 

Role-play with toys: 

A car that can’t race straight but has turbo power on corners. A superhero who gets distracted but always finds secret clues.

Play is a safe space for emotions to breathe.

Final Thought

I haven’t said the word “disability” to my son yet. 

But I’m building the bridge toward it. 

Brick by brick. 

Story by story. 

Look by look.

You don’t need to have the perfect words. 

You just need to be present, soft, and willing to begin.

And when you’re ready? 

Say it with love. 

Wrap it in the story. 

And let your child know—this word doesn’t shrink who they are. 

It opens the door to understanding and belonging.

Was this post helpful? 

Follow me @EducateAble for more storytelling-rooted parenting insights, play-based tools, and support for raising beautifully different children.

Let’s grow together—in the quiet, brave moments and all the steps in between.

Subscribe

Incorporating supportive tools can significantly aid in nurturing and engaging children with ADHD. These products can enhance the strategies discussed in this post:

The Secret Superpowers of ADHD – An interactive children’s book designed to help children discover their unique strengths. Suitable for ages 5-11 years. MATIRISE Liquid Motion Bubbler (2 Pack) – These calming sensory toys provide visual stimulation. They can help children with ADHD manage anxiety and improve focus. PICKVILL Pack of 6 Pop Tubes Sensory Toys – Stretchy and bendable, these fidget toys are excellent for stress relief and occupational therapy, enhancing fine motor skills through play. Infinity Cube Fidget Toy – A compact and engaging toy that helps keep hands busy and reduces concentration and stress for children and adults. RVM Toys Wooden Floating Ball Blow Tube – This classic toy aids in developing oral motor skills and can benefit speech therapy, making it a fun addition to playtime.

Integrating these tools into your child’s daily routine can provide enjoyment and therapeutic benefits, supporting their unique developmental journey.