Spill the T

"Today, I genuinely feel like a bride of Poetry. Several times, I left men who intruded upon my Poetry and writing because no man has ever been my primary relationship." —CAConrad

CAConrad. Photo: Kirby

Our beloved friend and "bride of Poetry," CAConrad is celebrating their 50th year wedded to the craft.

This is where/how it all began: some 15 years ago upstairs at the Imperial Pub attending a CA workshop that re-lit my pilot light after years of devastating loss during the AIDS crisis. It's where/when Hoa Nguyen and subsequently Dale Smith and I met, then I joined Hoa's Sunday afternoons reading & writing through Frank O'Hara.

Then, a few years later, we opened knife | fork | book.

I hadn't read a word by any of them prior to the workshop, but knew I wanted to write again, and hoped this might be a kick start. It was that and more, a clearing. Fresh air. Lifting pencil to poetry. Lifting myself.

CA is currently judging The 2025 Queer Poetry Prize at Palette Poetry, "Celebrating Queer Poetry in the New Age of Heterosexual Violence & Absolute Stupidity!" In a recent interview they were asked, "What are some of your favourite examples of queer poetry?" and right off the top they replied:

A remarkable book from last year that is anti-corporate, anti-national, pro-queer body, and pro-queer sex is called She by my dear old friend Kirby from Knife Fork Book Press. Kirby also lost many friends in the early years of the AIDS crisis, and you can feel the “I’m not taking any shit from anybody” vibe all over these pages!

From the OG of the "I'm not taking any shit from anybody vibe," this is the highest of praise! Happy 50th sweet sis!

I recently received a card (in the mail!) from fellow poet Susan Wismer, with an essential quote from the great Jeanette Winterson:

"She must find a boat and sail in it. No guarantee of shore. Only a conviction that what she wanted could exist, if she dares to find it."

Handcrafted card gifted from poet Susan Wismer. Photo: Kirby

...included inside, "one small note of kindness...to say thank you, thank you for your presence, your honesty, your truth — there's far too little of you in this world."

And this overwhelming letter (of recommendation) received "out of the blue" from poet, Luke Hathaway:

"As trans and nonbinary voices are silenced, erased from the record, and/or suppressed (daily tidings of this just now from the States), I think about wanting to lift up the voice of a transplanted queer American-Canadian who has spent a lifetime making space for queer and trans and gender-nonconforming voices: Kirby, of Toronto. As the force behind the beloved Kensington-Market all-poetry bookstore Knife Fork Books (est. 2016 and continuing in spirit — and as a small-press publishing house — beyond the demise of its KM location); as the author of my personal bible Poetry is Queer; as the director of Fertile Festival of New and Inventive Works; and in I suspect many other capacities, Kirby has invited all of us to lift up and celebrate our inner (or not so inner!) queerness, to enter into community with one another, to respect our differences, to celebrate our sexuality/ies and asexualities without shame. A liberatory voice and a force for good. We need Kirby now more than ever.

A personal anecdote:

When I transitioned, at the age of 41, in the midst of a literary career — and came out as a trans, queer & nonbinary man — Kirby was one of the first to embrace me, saying simply, ‘I’ve always got room in my heart for a new pocket of queerness.’ Bless them.

They are the queer parent I never had. They hold space not just for queerness but for poetry. They remind us that poetry is queer! — a liberatory space of language use which, for all our sakes, we must continue to make and to rejoice in."

I share this, not out of any self-aggrandisement, but because, I had no idea. We so rarely hear who we are to others. I responded to Luke saying as much:

"Isn't it funny, how we simply meet/read each other in kind relishing/drinking in the moment, only then to realize later—HOW EXTRAORDINARY—that it was/is possible at all these dark days.”

And Luke, what an honour and privilege to be Kirby in your life. as you are in mine.

Luke Hathaway & Kirby. Fertile Festival of New & Inventive Works, 2022

To be. To be with each other. To lift each other up, hold each other dear.

This is who we are (or can be). Lifelines. Anchors. Wells to drink from. Where the language of poetry, poets nourish, sustain, revive, urge, nothing less than brilliant, our radiant [queer] selves.

To find any footing (at all) we didn’t realize we even had, often in the nick of time.

I would not be Kirby without CA, or Hoa, or Dale, or Susan, or Luke, Jim, or The Mockler, countless others you may never realize are connected to you through your writings, your presence, your being.

To list each of you whose faces are my immediate, the entirety of who I am.

Or as sister Sandra Bernhard knew all too well, Without You I'm Nothing

Today, happens to be International Transgender Day of Visibility. And, it's nice to have a day. Better still to walk down the street without fear or threat of violence.

Much is made of the "joy " in my work. That's my fairy, the one I (thank the homocats) never managed to kill. But know, my queen is pissed and on guard, at the ready.

The joy of being Kirby is I see you everyday.

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