First Draft Of New Book Is Done! I'm Celebrating With A Special Offer

I’ve been told more often than I’d like to admit, that using bowel and toilet-related metaphors is never great marketing, but sometimes you simply have to talk about scatalogical things.

You may well appreciate that there are bowel movements where there is a lot of huffing and puffing and general discomfort. Sometimes, the net gain (or loss) of this exertion isn’t great. At other times, it’s so easy it’s like there has been a valet who has done all the hard work for you and you simply sit there and enjoy the ride.

Well, I’ve just finished the first draft of a new book and it was emphatically the latter situation in terms of evacuations. It all just poured out of me and onto the page.

You know what, even I’m starting to get a bit queasy with this metaphor.

Let’s just say that the important thing is that I’ve finished the first draft of my next book and it was a joy to write. Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy, not difficult, difficult, lemon difficult. I celebrated with a joke:

This is good news and means that I’m well on track to get my first book for young people (8-10) out into the world this year. There is the small issue of needing to find an illustrator who I don’t hate (anyone out there? Recommendations? I’m looking for my Quentin Blake…) I also need to rewrite it and tighten things up. I should probably also learn to market to this new demographic and not have to fall back on toilet metaphors.

To celebrate this piece of good fortune I want us to make a pact. If you have read this far, I now want you to go a little further and consummate our relationship by buying one, three, or several of my books. My target is that by the end of today we hit 100,000 sales. If we do then I’ll come to each of your houses and warmly embrace you for several minutes, longer if necessary.

So, I’ve done my part, it only seems fair that you do your part.

CLICK HERE AND BUY, BUY, BUY, APPEASE MOLOCH, THWART BEZOS, PROVIDE SHOES FOR MY CHILDREN.

When you click that link you’ll note that Stripe puts one of all my books in your basket. While I think that’s probably the minimum quantities that you should be looking at, I do appreciate that some people like to remove items and that’s ok. Just do the dropdown and change the quantity to 0 for the ones you don’t want. I will forgive you in due course.

Come on! Let’s hit 100,000!