Tragedy in one shitty act

Leftist Students and Faculty: We’d sooner burn universities to the ground than allow them to remain safe for the hated Zionist Jews, the baby-killing demons of the earth. We’ wi’ll disrupt their classes, bar them from student activities, smash their Hillel centers, take over campus buildings and quads, and chant for Hezbollah and the Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades to eradicate them like vermin. We’ll do all this because we’ve so thoroughly learned the lessons of the Holocaust.

Trump Administration [cackling]: Burn universities to the ground, you say? What a coincidence! We’d love nothing more than to do exactly that. Happy to oblige you.

Leftist Students and Faculty: You fascist scum. We didn’t mean “call our bluff”! Was it the campus Zionists who ratted us out to you? It was, wasn’t it?

Trump Administration: We don’t answer to you and we’re cutting all your funding, effective immediately. Actually, since you leftists don’t have much funding to speak of, let’s just cut any university funding whatsoever that we can reach. Cancer studies. Overhead on NIH grants. Student aid. Fellowships. Whatever universities use to keep the lights on. The more essential it is and the longer it took to build, the more we’ll enjoy the elitist professors’ screams of anguish as we set it ablaze.

Leftist Students and Faculty: This is the end, then. But if our whole little world must go up in flames, at least we’ll die having never compromised our most fundamental moral principle: the eradication of the State of Israel and the death of its inhabitants.

Sane Majorities at Universities, Including Almost Everyone in STEM: [don’t get a speaking part in this play. They’ve already bled out on the street, killed in the crossfire]