Transparallel Euro 2012 (Day One)

Mongol Khalkha 1 - Neo Sparta 1

Talking-point of this opening match was the sending-off of the Eastern Europeans' goalkeeper, Wojciech Borjigin. Rumoured to be a descendant of the Great Khan himself (but then, there are few people in modern Kracow who aren't), Borjigin brought a typically horde-like aggression to the game that was sadly lacking in his teammates, who repeatedly failed to breach their opponents' wall. For the ensuing missed penalty, Neo Spartan captain Giorgios Leonidas will be returning home on the European Shield, not with it. Mongolian bookmakers expect to lose 35 elephants, 4,000 white stallions, 25 tigers, the sacred tooth of the Buddha, and the entire commerce of Burma on the outcome.

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